We are supposed to enjoy the holidays. And usually, we do. Or, at least some of the time. But when you are divorcing in December, sometimes the holidays feel completely overwhelming. For weeks you are distracted with holiday planning, shopping, school events and work deadlines. Then all of a sudden, EVERYTHING hits you like a ton of bricks. We get it – Which is exactly why we turned to our friends who have survived divorce-related-holiday-overwhelm to bring you our 2019 Divorce Holiday Survival Guide. It’s filled with the best tips, resources and tools to get you through the next few weeks with your head held high. You may even find yourself singing Joy to the World – and really meaning it.
So, below is our epic guide of worksheets, links and so much more. Feel free to click directly on whatever speaks to you the most.
- How to tell your family you’re getting a divorce
- How to tell your spouse you want a divorce
- Listen up: a new resource, and a chance to tune out
- Divorce advice, from people who’ve been in your shoes
- Getting through the holidays with kids
- How to make time to take care of you
Just in case you haven’t told family and friends yet about your divorce
If you haven’t broken the news yet to your extended family or friends about the change in your marital status, remember: there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Our piece, Announcing Your Divorce: How & What to Consider Before You Share, will help you think through who, how and what to tell about your situation. But, do you know what? You don’t even have to break the news at all if you don’t want to.
Though, I will say this: in over 15 years in this industry, with thousands of divorces under my belt, you might be very pleasantly surprised at the reaction you get. People who love you will want to help and support you. Read our article, Breaking the ‘D’ News to Friends and Family: Helping Them Help You before you head to the next family holiday gathering, and you’ll be armed with strategies for getting the kind of support you actually want.
…And just in case you haven’t told your soon-to-be-ex
Lots of people just try to make it through the holidays before telling their spouse they want a divorce. Maybe that’s you. And maybe you’re not sure how to break the news. Maybe you’re even more unsure about what to do and what to say after you break the news.
Our piece, How to Tell Your Ex You Want a Divorce (in the Most Amicable Way Possible) will help you with all of that, in a way that keeps conflict at a minimum. And, our advice even comes with a draft follow-up e-mail that you can customize.
Tune out the chaos
If you haven’t already listened to the Hello Divorce “You Got This” playlist on Spotify, you’re missing out on a huge opportunity to check. the heck. out. Few things work better than music to re-energize and re-focus, and we spent a good chunk of time compiling songs that will lift you up and keep you feeling positive, motivated, and ready to go the distance:
And while you’re on Spotify, I hope you’ll check out my new project, the Hello Divorce Podcast! I’ll be in your ear on a regular basis with a new 5-7 minute podcast about all things divorce, with tips, advice and some of the smartest people in the divorce, coaching and well-being industry. I hope you’ll give it a listen!
Take a little advice from people who’ve been there
Maybe this year hasn’t gone according to plan. So what? The most important thing to remember right now is that – like it or not – you are not alone. This might be your first divorce, but the good news is, (literally) millions of people have gone through divorce before you. And they’ve got some really good advice to share:
Getting through the holidays with kids
If you haven’t already downloaded a co-parenting app, do it right now. Schedules are busy and it can be tough to keep finances, schedules and agreements organized. Co-parenting apps, like Fayr, help you streamline conversation, and document it. And as an added bonus, when you and your ex use a co-parenting app, you won’t have to worry about cringing or tearing up when you check your email. Just check the app once a day, and you’re good to go.
If vacation planning with your ex has you up in arms, I highly recommend our resource, Vacation Planning With Your Ex Driving You Crazy? Co Parenting Tips That Get The Job Done.
And finally, a few quick tips to keep the kids front and center this holiday season:
- Keep routines intact as much as you can. Routines and rituals help kids feel stable and secure, safe and loved.
- Your kids are going to want to see both of their parents for the holiday(s). Make sure they get that time, and that they know you want them to enjoy the time they spend with your ex.
- Cooperate, don’t compete. Nobody wins when parents try to compensate by overbuying on gifts. To the extent that you can, coordinate gift giving so things feel equal on both sides in terms of price and quantity.
Don’t forget to make time for you: here are self-care strategies you can implement stat
This should probably be the first thing I list in this toolkit, not the last. But there is so much truth in the phrase “put on your own oxygen mask first.” It might feel hard to schedule, or too self-indulgent. But if you don’t care for yourself, who will? And, it will be harder to be present for others at a time of year when people value your presence.
Stuck for ideas? These posts will help:
- 101 Self-Care Suggestions for When It All Feels Like Too Much
- Meditations and Mantras to Help You Stay Positive During Divorce
Would you like to come up with a self-care plan you’ll actually stick to? Then, download our Self-Care Worksheet. First, we’ll challenge you to commit to a time frame. (Because if it doesn’t get scheduled, it doesn’t get done, right?) Then we’ll ask you a series of questions about how you’re feeling and the areas you feel most in need of a little pick me up. And then we’ll walk you through steps for picking the perfect self-care activity for where you are right now.
If you like that worksheet and you want a tool for focusing on the New Year ahead and all you want to accomplish as you head into your next chapter, download and print our Goal-Setting Worksheet. Focusing on the future is a terrific way to remind yourself that this period in your life is temporary. You will get past this, you will move on to your next amazing chapter, and there’s absolutely no reason that you can’t start working toward that chapter right now.
And finally, a couple more tips that I hope you’ll find value in – even after your divorce is final:
- Say No: If you don’t want to go to every holiday event or party – just don’t. It’s okay. Your friends will still love you. And if they don’t, heck – they aren’t good for you anyhow.
- Bye Felicia: Leave guilt behind. You are doing the best you can and that’s good enough. You don’t have to be perfect. In fact, maybe you can find some freedom in the “imperfect.”
- Offline is the new luxury: Social media comparisons suck. If you can’t scroll through SM without getting sad, jealous, etc. – find something else to do – listen to podcasts, browse at the bookstore, take a walk or get creative.
Just a couple of weeks to go in 2019, and then we’ll move on to a new decade, and a new you. You can do this. And we’re here to help.