Once upon a time, getting divorced at all was considered shameful. Now, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. And what about second, third, and even additional subsequent divorces? The divorce rate is even higher!
How does navigating your second or third divorce differ from the first time around? Can you do anything to avoid making the same mistakes in your future relationships?
Statistically, we’ve known for a while that divorce affects almost half of all marriages. That has been consistent over the last few decades. Divorce doesn’t tend to surprise people anymore.
What is surprising, however, is the failure rate of second and third marriages, with 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages ending in divorce.
It might seem intuitive that subsequent marriages would have higher rates of success. After all, you are wiser now and know what you want and don’t want, right? So, why does it appear that a successful marriage is even more elusive with each go-round?
Many people believe that if they just find the “right" partner, they will have the happily ever after they’ve longed for. But marriage is an ongoing work in progress involving two people who will change over time. The illusion of the “right partner” puts a lot of responsibility on a new spouse. Furthermore, what feels right in one moment can feel very wrong at a later moment, when both people have changed in different ways.
Other reasons for multiple marriages (and divorces) require some serious self-reflection. These may include the following:
Interestingly enough, not only do second and subsequent marriages have a lower success rate than first marriages, but they also have shorter durations. Research shows that half of first marriages in the U.S. last at least 21 years, but the median duration for second marriages was 17 years, and for three or more marriages, it was only 13 years.
Subsequent marriages may be more complicated due to emotional baggage, ex-spouses, co-parenting, adult children, and separate finances and property. What is an already complicated relationship between two different people gets even more complex with each subsequent marriage.
Although divorce is commonplace, it still comes with some stigma. When dating, the number of times a person was previously married should perhaps not be as important as who that person is and what they’ve learned about themselves through past relationships.
If a new dating partner has been divorced more than once, there are some pros and cons to consider.
If you're in a new post-divorce relationship or considering getting remarried, here are some tips for long-term success.
Marriage is complicated whether it’s your first time around or not. Even if you’ve survived a bad relationship and go on to love again, there are no guarantees. At Hello Divorce, we are here to support you on your divorce journey with DIY plans, a network of skilled professionals, and an extensive library of informational resources. Schedule a free call to learn more about us and how we might support you.
Are second and third divorces more common?
Yes. People who remarry often bring unresolved patterns, blended-family stress, and financial pressures into the next marriage, which can increase the chance of another divorce.
Why are second marriages harder to maintain?
Blending families, ex-spouse dynamics, step-parenting conflicts, and financial complications create pressure that many couples aren’t fully prepared for.
Does a second or third divorce mean I failed?
No. It means the relationship wasn’t sustainable. Many people grow, learn, and build healthier lives after multiple divorces.
Is it normal to feel ashamed about another divorce?
Yes. Shame is common due to social stigma, family expectations, or pressure to “get it right.” Supportive therapy and community help reduce that burden.
Can I protect myself better in a second or third marriage?
Yes. Clear communication, boundaries, premarital counseling, and financial agreements like prenups help prevent repeated patterns.
Are blended families a factor in repeat divorces?
Often. Conflicts over parenting styles, loyalty binds, and scheduling can create strain if the couple lacks a united plan.
Reflect on patterns from past relationships
Notice what repeated and what changed. Understanding patterns helps you avoid carrying them into future relationships.
Stabilize finances early
Multiple marriages often mean shared debts, stepchildren, or complex asset division. Gather documents and understand your full financial picture.
Communicate boundaries clearly
Set limits with your ex, stepchildren, and extended families to reduce conflict during the process.
Choose a lower-conflict process
Mediation or guided support can reduce emotional triggers and help both partners cooperate, especially when kids or stepkids are involved.
Support kids and stepkids with clarity
Explain changes in simple, calm terms. Maintain routines, avoid loyalty conflicts, and coordinate with other parents when possible.
Create a recovery and rebuilding plan
Focus on therapy, financial planning, community, and hobbies. Rebuilding your confidence and identity is key to long-term stability.
Consider future relationship protections
If you partner again, use tools like counseling, prenups, and communication plans to create a healthier foundation.
Median Duration of Marriage in the U.S. (2018). National Center for Family & Marriage Research, Bowling Green State University.