The ENFJ personality is extroverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging.
ENFJs tend to be insightful, caring, and persuasive individuals who strive to contribute to the greater good. With an intense desire to help others, they can be sensitive and generous almost to a fault because their empathy can leave them emotionally and physically exhausted. Their charismatic desire to teach and help may sometimes be perceived as condescending, though that is not their intent.
Tips for handling divorce as an ENFJ
Seek companionship with people you trust
ENFJs are social creatures. For your own well-being, you need someone to talk to and share space with right now. Whether it’s a family member, a friend, a divorce therapist, or a support group, find another person (or people) to connect with. Asking for help and comfort is okay. In a divorce situation, social interaction can be a balm for an ENFJ’s aching soul.
Resist the urge to manipulate
In your divorce negotiations, you will be advocating for yourself and what you want: time with the kids, your share of the marital property, or whatever the case may be. Express your desires, but fight the urge to manipulate your spouse (or their lawyer) into giving you what you want.
ENFJs often feel they know what’s best for themselves and everyone else. But trying to completely control negotiations just creates bad blood. Consider hiring a mediator to go between your ex and yourself so your temper doesn’t get the best of you.
Deconstruct the relationship
ENFJs feel the pain of divorce deeply. Remind yourself that marriage is a two-way street, and the failure of your marriage certainly wasn’t all on you. What went wrong? What can you learn from your experience to make your future better and brighter? Take these nuggets of wisdom and run with them, understanding that you can turn this unhappy ordeal into a positive learning experience.
Focus on self-care and self-improvement
To take your mind off the pain, concentrate on improving yourself and your life. ENFJs feel better when they have a plan. You can’t go back in time and patch up old wounds, but you can work hard to prevent new wounds from forming. And since planning resonates with you, we think you’ll appreciate our free downloadable self-care worksheet.
Allow yourself to grieve
Divorce grief is real, whether you were the one to initiate the breakup or not. ENFJs love hard, and the loss of a love relationship is extremely painful for them. The thing is, you won’t get over this loss until you grieve it. Grief sounds scary, so do what you do best: teach yourself something new. Learn about the grief process and what to expect as you journey through it. When you’re ready, read our article Six Ways to Get Closure After a Relationship Ends.
Recommended reading for ENFJs
At Hello Divorce, we connect with our clients on a personal level. With the purchase of a membership, we match you with an account coordinator who will help guide you through this process. Divorce is daunting, but it’s doable, and there are caring professionals right here who want to help.