I want to protect my interests but I don’t want a long, messy and expensive divorce.
Does this resonate with you? Probably. Contrary to popular belief, most people do not want to battle it out in divorce court or ‘lawyer up’ and let an attorney or judge call the shots about who gets what or where your kids live. But what happens when you’ve been married for a solid amount of time and you’ve acquired property along the way? Or one of you put your career on hold to take time to raise kids. Sometimes the “answer” is not as simple as dividing everything in half. Sometimes there are more complicating factors like an inheritance thrown in the mix or stock that hasn’t yet vested. For these types of divorces, a “DIY” plan may not be the best option.
You have options.
If you’ve read a resource or two on Hello Divorce, you probably know our mission – to change the conversation around divorce, making the process transparent and the experience empowering. We recently launched a new service for this exact type of split: Cooperative Divorce. This all in one online solution includes all the procedural divorce stuff (like preparing, filing, and processing court forms) but adds in a certified divorce mediator who facilitates a win-win divorce agreement – saving you time and $10,000s in legal fees. But you didn’t click on this link to sales pitch so let’s move on to how we’re going to set you and your spouse up for a “successful” divorce.
Break the news gently.
Set up ground rules.
You’ve probably done your research and know just how expensive divorce can get. You’ve also heard how stressful it can be and let’s face it – the last thing you want to do is air all your dirty laundry out in a public courtroom. But how do you get your spouse on board with mediation? First, see if the two of you can set up some ground rules. Can the two of you agree that you will only use the court as a last resort? Or that you’ll only seek legal guidance from a lawyer who is trained in settlement (not just litigation)? The more ground rules you can set in place, the more each of you will be able to manage divorce overwhelm.
It sounds deceitful but it’s not. It’s a great way to make the divorce process far more efficient (quicker is better – believe me, it’s already going to take a bit longer than you expected). And…. it’s an awesome way to feel in “control” of the process. Knowing what your best versus worst-case scenario is will definitely help you figure out what’s “reasonable” and/or fair. Click the link below for tips on gathering financial info, determining your non-negotiables, and getting a self-care plan in place.
Increase chances for a great result.
If you’re reading this post you likely are already a couple of steps ahead of your ex. Don’t stop here. Review this article (Tips for a successful mediation) to help make the mediation process more productive from the start and end up with a divorce mediation agreement that is exactly what you need to set yourself up for your next (best) chapter.
Download your essential mediation checklist.
The hard truth: Mediation can be grueling. Even a skilled mediator can’t protect you from all the emotional triggers that come up during the process of ending your (marital) relationship. We’ll help you keep your eyes on the prize – a win-win resolution that sets you up for your next best chapter. Our 10 Point Checklist has the BEST tips we’ve learned over the last 15+ years of mediating divorces. From prep to post-divorce, we’ve got you covered with practical tips you can easily implement.