You’ve shared some good moments and wonderful memories. But things broke down in the end, and you decided that divorce was the best thing for your future.
Or is it?
You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse invested a lot of time and emotional energy into your marriage. But then, you grew apart. You became people who no longer belonged together.
Or so you thought.
Now, your spouse is beginning to act like the person you first married. You’re enjoying spending time with them again. You can laugh and talk like you used to. What happened? Is there a chance you can turn this around? And how does that affect your divorce?
Second thoughts and regrets are completely normal when it comes to making a big life-changing decision.
It can be hard to put behind you the fact that this is the person you’ve shared your life with – the person you vowed to love, honor, and cherish. This is especially true if the personal qualities you loved about them, in the beginning, resurface again.
You may also be concerned about your own future. The financial impact of a looming divorce can leave you wondering how you’ll take care of yourself. You may also wonder how it will feel to be single again after being part of a couple for so long.
And, you may wonder if, as a divorced person, you would ever find someone else to love. Would you be alone for the rest of your life?
Marriage is the most intimate relationship of your life. Ending it is a huge decision that would change your life in many ways. You know many people end up happier after a divorce, yet you may wonder if you’re one of them.
If you feel conflicted about everything happening right now, take time to ask yourself some important questions.
If you were the one who filed for divorce, you can stop the divorce process any time before the final judgment has been issued. But keep in mind that if you have the divorce dismissed, you would have to start the process again if your reconciliation did not work out.
Make sure you’re both on the same page. While you or your ex-spouse may consider getting couples counseling at this point, you may still want to keep the divorce in process, just in case your reconciliation doesn’t work out.
If you’re not sure that divorce is the right decision, a trial separation could be a good alternative. This gives you time away from each other to clear your head and “test out” a life beyond divorce. It can also give you time to work on some marital issues.
In a trial separation, you’re still married and have the same legal responsibilities and obligations toward each other. One spouse typically moves out of the marital home to other temporary housing, but some couples successfully remain in the same home, with one moving into a separate area. Keep in mind that during a trial separation, you must still consider each other for any major purchases, debt, or other decisions that could impact both of you.
Suggested: How to Prepare for a Trial Separation
When your trial separation ends, you will likely have a clearer idea of what life would be like after divorce. You could then try returning to your old married life as a comparison. Were you happier apart, or do you have a renewed appreciation for your ex? Do they feel the same?
Divorce can be scary, and doubt is normal. Take it slow, and give your heart and emotions time to process everything. You spent years being married to your spouse. It might take time to know whether ending it is the right next move.
Once you’re sure divorce is the right next step, we are here to help. At Hello Divorce, we believe that divorce can be respectful and cost-effective. We offer many different online divorce plans and professional services that can help you along the way. Let us help. Schedule a free 15-minute phone call with one of our specialists to learn more.
Why did my spouse suddenly change after I filed for divorce?
Filing often snaps people into reality. Some spouses make genuine changes, while others react out of fear of loss. Time and consistency—not big promises—show whether the change is real.
Should I pause my divorce if my spouse is acting better?
You don’t have to decide immediately. You can continue the legal process at a measured pace while you watch for consistent behavior changes and get support from a therapist, coach, or lawyer.
How can I tell if the change will last?
Look for small, boring consistency over time—following through on responsibilities, respecting boundaries, doing the work in therapy—not grand gestures or pressure to forgive quickly.
Is it normal to feel guilty about moving forward with divorce?
Yes. Many people feel guilty when an ex “finally gets it.” But wanting peace, safety, and a different future doesn’t make you selfish or ungrateful.
Can we try to work on the relationship after filing?
Sometimes. Couples use discernment counseling, temporary pauses, or in-home separation to test whether a healthier relationship is possible without rushing a decision.
What if I decide I still want the divorce?
You can move forward even if your ex is doing better. You’re allowed to honor the history, appreciate their effort, and still choose a path that feels right for you long-term.
Name what has actually changed
Write down specific behaviors that are different now versus before you filed. Separate actions from promises and apologies.
Track consistency over time
Notice whether the new behavior continues for weeks and months, especially when there is stress or conflict—not just when they want something.
Check in with your body and boundaries
Pay attention to how you feel around your ex now—tense, guarded, calmer, hopeful. Ask whether you’d still choose this relationship if you were starting fresh today.
Get neutral support
Talk with a therapist, coach, or trusted professional who is not invested in the outcome. Use them as a sounding board for your fears, hopes, and options.
Decide how to pace the legal process
You can keep moving forward, slow things down, or explore a short, defined pause. Make choices that protect your safety, finances, and housing while you decide.
Communicate clear expectations
If you’re open to reconsidering, state what you would need to see over time—therapy, financial transparency, shared parenting changes—and what your boundaries are.
Choose the path that aligns with your long-term wellbeing
When you’re ready, decide whether to continue the divorce or explore reconciliation. Base your choice on patterns, not pressure, and on the life you want five years from now.