What If Your Ex Changes for the Better After You File for Divorce?

• Is your spouse making you doubt your decision?
• Is it normal to doubt your decision to divorce?
• How to know if you truly want a divorce
• Can you stop a divorce once it's started?
• Trial separation

You’ve shared some good moments and wonderful memories. But things broke down in the end, and you decided that divorce was the best thing for your future.

Or is it?

Is your spouse making you doubt your decision?

You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse invested a lot of time and emotional energy into your marriage. But then, you grew apart. You became people who no longer belonged together. 

Or so you thought.

Now, your spouse is beginning to act like the person you first married. You’re enjoying spending time with them again. You can laugh and talk like you used to. What happened?  Is there a chance you can turn this around? And how does that affect your divorce?

Is it normal to doubt your decision to divorce?

Second thoughts and regrets are completely normal when it comes to making a big life-changing decision.

It can be hard to put behind you the fact that this is the person you’ve shared your life with – the person you vowed to love, honor, and cherish. This is especially true if the personal qualities you loved about them, in the beginning, resurface again. 

You may also be concerned about your own future. The financial impact of a looming divorce can leave you wondering how you’ll take care of yourself. You may also wonder how it will feel to be single again after being part of a couple for so long.

And, you may wonder if, as a divorced person, you would ever find someone else to love. Would you be alone for the rest of your life? 

How to know if you truly want a divorce

Marriage is the most intimate relationship of your life. Ending it is a huge decision that would change your life in many ways. You know many people end up happier after a divorce, yet you may wonder if you’re one of them.

If you feel conflicted about everything happening right now, take time to ask yourself some important questions.

• Do you still love your ex?
• As you answer this, remember that divorce doesn’t always mean you no longer love that person. It means that the relationship no longer sustains a happy, healthy life for you. Consider that distinction.
• Does your ex feel the same way? Are they also interested in reconciliation?
• Do you have the same goals for your relationship? If not, how can you get back on track?
• If your ex-spouse was unfaithful, will you ever be able to trust them again?
• Was there abuse? Unfortunately, most abusers go on to abuse again despite apologies and promises.

• Are you afraid of being alone? So afraid that you’re willing to stay in an unhappy marriage?
• Knowing what you know, are both of you willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship successful? 

Can you stop a divorce once it has started?

If you were the one who filed for divorce, you can stop the divorce process any time before the final judgment has been issued. But keep in mind that if you have the divorce dismissed, you would have to start the process again if your reconciliation did not work out. 

Make sure you’re both on the same page. While you or your ex-spouse may consider getting couples counseling at this point, you may still want to keep the divorce in process, just in case your reconciliation doesn’t work out.  

Considering a trial separation?

If you’re not sure that divorce is the right decision, a trial separation could be a good alternative. This gives you time away from each other to clear your head and “test out” a life beyond divorce. It can also give you time to work on some marital issues. 

In a trial separation, you’re still married and have the same legal responsibilities and obligations toward each other. One spouse typically moves out of the marital home to other temporary housing, but some couples successfully remain in the same home, with one moving into a separate area. Keep in mind that during a trial separation, you must still consider each other for any major purchases, debt, or other decisions that could impact both of you. 

Suggested: How to Prepare for a Trial Separation

When your trial separation ends, you will likely have a clearer idea of what life would be like after divorce. You could then try returning to your old married life as a comparison. Were you happier apart, or do you have a renewed appreciation for your ex? Do they feel the same?

Divorce can be scary, and doubt is normal. Take it slow, and give your heart and emotions time to process everything. You spent years being married to your spouse. It might take time to know whether ending it is the right next move. 

Once you’re sure divorce is the right next step, we are here to help. At Hello Divorce, we believe that divorce can be respectful and cost-effective. We offer many different online divorce plans and professional services that can help you along the way. Let us help. Schedule a free 15-minute phone call with one of our account coordinators to learn more.