Before I founded Hello Divorce, I was terrified of "DIY" law. I didn't actually believe it was a good option for most people. I was scared they'd get stuck in the process or unknowingly make impactful mistakes.
But the more stats I researched, the more I learned just how many people do it on their own and don't go to trial. Did you know in over 75% of divorces, at least one spouse is self-represented? It's true! So, I leveraged my legal know-how and found a killer team to help me create a tool that would help anyone who wants to take control of their break-up without breaking the bank.
That said, I admit it takes a bit of work on your part to get your divorce completed. So, if you want to know the best way to DIY your divorce, read on.
The divorce your friends will be jealous of
Here are the steps to take to make the divorce process as easy as possible.
Ground rules
See if you and your spouse can get on the same page ... or at least agree to make every effort to keep your divorce out of court.
If you are the one who made the decision to divorce, your ex may not have caught up to you yet (in terms of being ready to start the process). But they will likely be relieved when you tell them you do not intend to "lawyer up" with the most aggressive attorney in town.
Work together to answer questions about when, how, and where you will discuss divorce-related topics. Will the end game be an agreement that you both can live with? Who will be the "petitioner" (the first party to file docs)? How and when will you tell the kids? Separating couples who start with these basics before moving on to the more complicated stuff often fare much better.
Pro tip: In most states (and divorces), there's no legal advantage to filing "first." So, choose who will file the divorce petition by considering the criteria below:
- Which one of you is more likely to follow through with completing forms or checking status?
- Was there a core issue in your marriage where one of you felt disempowered? If so, the person who felt controlled should file first so they feel less triggered during the process.
Note: I'm not saying that someone was controlling or that one of you "made yourself a victim." I don't need to know that, and you don't need to focus on that. You're divorcing, so neither of you needs to be "right" any longer – that's not a fight you have to have. We just want to set both of you up for success. *
Get a roadmap
I don't know about you, but I like to know where I'm headed. There are two resources on Hello Divorce that I recommend you download and print out: the divorce flow chart and the divorce checklist (see below for specific states).
Even if you are a Pro client and an account coordinator will be filing and serving your forms for you, you still will want to stay the course.
There are loads of forms that are required to complete. And it's impossible to keep track of unless you are following along a path. Of course, the Divorce Navigator is always available to you, but these two resources are helpful for the big picture. Court clerks simply will not process your divorce if you don't complete all the requirements.
Essential DIY divorce resources for Hello Divorce clients
- California Checklist
- Colorado Checklist
- Utah Checklist
- Everything You Need to Know Before Getting Divorced in Indiana
- Everything You Need to Know Before Getting Divorced in Illinois
- Everything You Need to Know Before Getting Divorced in Florida
- 6 Important Things to Know If You're Getting Divorced in New York
- Texas Divorce Process
- Everything You Need to Know Before Getting Divorce in Washington
Choose a service
"DIY" doesn't have to mean all alone. Even a fairly "simple" divorce (i.e., no kids, limited assets, etc.) is tricky. This is not a one-off transaction like a will or trust; it's an entire legal journey of unwinding the marital contract. And as complicated as legalese and divorce forms are, court procedures and the ever-changing rules around filing can be twice as frustrating.
I think you know what I'm going to recommend. After all, I'm more than a bit biased here. But really, I want you to have choices. I want you to know that IF you need some extra help from a lawyer, mediator, or legal assistant, it's available to you. And I want you to prepare forms correctly so you don't have to redo them or worry they don't say what you mean for them to say. The best way to do that is to review reliable resources written by the best legal, financial, and wellness pros in the industry and answer our guided online interviews (think: Turbo Tax for divorce) instead of trying to figure out what the heck the forms are asking you and then squeezing your response into badly formatted PDFs.
Have I convinced you yet that the best way to DIY your divorce is actually to allow us to Do-it-WITH-you? Learn more about our DIY options here.
Stay the course
Don't try to do everything at once, especially if one or both of you are still feeling really emotionally charged. Your first task is to decide if you will file together (if that is an option in your jurisdiction) or separately. Then, you prepare the first set of paperwork. If you are using Hello Divorce, that's Step 1.
Then, if you don't have the option of a co-petition or Stipulation, you need to accomplish the Service of Process to trigger the waiting period and further your divorce proceedings. There are a couple of ways to do this and usually, service can be handled informally if your spouse agrees to sign a waiver or acknowledgment.
When that's done, you're on to the next step, which is usually financial disclosures. Remember, just because you disclose something doesn't mean it's joint property. But failing to disclose can trigger serious issues for you, so be truthful.
Suggested: What Are Financial Disclosures?
The final step is your divorce agreement and decree (sometimes called judgment). If you don't yet have an agreement on all issues, now is the time to do some negotiating either on your own or with the help of a lawyer. You can also consider mediation or employing the help of a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst or Co-parenting Counselor.
So there you have it: DIY without the WTF. We're rooting for you and will be here with legal help, referrals, kind words, and resources. One step at a time. You got this!
*There's a clear distinction between a manipulative and/or controlling partner versus an abuser. If you are a survivor of financial, emotional, and/or physical abuse, DIY might not be a good option for you because you will likely have to engage with your spouse directly.
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