Relationship Trauma From Victim to Victor

Break Up, Break Through, Break Free: How to Transition from Victim to Victor after Relationship Trauma

When we made the decision earlier this year to expand our online divorce software and services into Utah, we knew we couldn’t do it alone. While it’s in our wheelhouse to automate the legal process and make it accessible to everyone,  ‘the law’ is just one piece of a much bigger puzzle. To truly support our community of self-represented folks navigating divorce – we would need a village. We first reached out to locals Tiffany Denny and Kierstyn Franklin, Founders of ‘The Relationship Recovery,’ a wildly popular online coaching and course platform — aimed at helping women recovering from abuse, co-dependency, and poor self-esteem transition from victim to empowered survivor. There’s no doubt that Tiffany and Kierstyn align with our mission to support good humans going through tough times to emerge a better, brighter version of themselves. Our CEO & Founder, Erin Levine, sat down with these powerful entrepreneurs for a Q&A:

Erin: I consider both of you to be experts in finding joy especially when going through trying times. Everyone else is focusing on ‘surviving’ 2020 but you are taking it one step further with your new workshop. Is it really possible to find joy during a breakup and/or global pandemic?

Tiffany & Kierstyn: Absolutely. We start by shifting the focus back to yourself rather than using our energy to try and change a situation or person that can’t be changed. It’s fine to feel all the [miserable] feelings — in fact it’s vital that we feel our feelings and we don’t stuff them. But we don’t want to unpack our bags and stay there. That is when we get “stuck”.

What are 3 key things we can focus on to bring more joy into our lives?

Tiffany & Kierstyn:

  • Changing our beliefs systems

  • Setting and holding boundaries

  • Living on purpose and in the present & gratitude

Erin: You’ve spoken a lot on transitioning from victim to victor. Can you help us understand what that means and who might benefit from this?

Tiffany & Kierstyn: As coaches, we focus on taking you from point A to point B. Being a victim of trauma is so difficult. We work with people who are at the point that they want change (they are done being the victim) and don’t know where to start. They are willing to do the work but they need a (roadmap) to do this. What makes us unique is that not only do we have a proven roadmap but we have both walked through and healed from relationship trauma and we feel like we are really able to help create change for our clients.

Tiffany Denny & Kierstyn Franklin, The Relationship Recovery

We feel like anyone who has or is experiencing a traumatic relationship benefits from working with us. Whether it is with a spouse, family member, or friend.

Erin: What do you consider to be relationship trauma?

Tiffany & Kierstyn: We consider relationship trauma as anything that you experience inside your relationship that is unhealthy whether it is psychological, emotional, verbal, or physical abuse.

Erin: Do you think it’s possible to have an ‘amicable’ or mediated divorce when one or both spouses have experienced relationship trauma?

Tiffany & Kierstyn; Difficult but possible. Typically if you are dealing with a toxic person, everything is difficult to navigate. However, we have tools and resources on how to deal with that type of person when going through a divorce.

Erin: Any tips on navigating divorce in this circumstance?

Tiffany & Kierstyn: Our number one tip is to document! A lot of toxic people use a tactic called “Gaslighting”. This tactic makes you feel crazy and question the truth. When you document the conversations you will know when things are being twisted because you will have a record that you can refer to.

Related: How to Divorce a Narcissist and Win

Erin: Any co-parenting tips on navigating co-parenting after divorcing a toxic personality?

Tiffany & Kierstyn: Parallel Parenting works best. Limit the conversions and the conversations that you do have should be through text and email.

Erin: What are some of the reasons people wait to file for divorce even after they are aware that their relationship is toxic?

Tiffany & Kierstyn: Leaving a toxic relationship can be a very dangerous time. It is important to have a plan in place before leaving. A lot of times there is financial abuse involved which also makes it hard to leave and sometimes keep people in the circumstance longer.

Erin: How can us industry folks better support people that are navigating divorce with a toxic ex?

Tiffany & Kierstyn: We would say education around toxic people and personality disorders is important. Toxic people tend to be very charming and are able to manipulate the situation during a divorce.

Tiffany & Kierstyn focus on helping clients recover, heal, and move on after relationship trauma. This comes through doing the work on yourself rather than focusing on the past that can not be changed. Learn more about them at “The Relationship Recovery” and follow them on Instagram here.

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