Unique Issues in Baby Boomer Divorce
It's no secret that baby boomer divorces are on the rise. According to the Office for National Statistics, divorce has dwindled in every age group except for couples in their sixties. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that 25% of all divorces occur between couples who have been married 20 years or longer.
Reasons baby boomer divorces are on the rise
Baby boomers often wait until the kids are grown
Prioritizing the kids over your own happiness is admirable. As such, many people choose to stay in an unhappy marriage until their children are ready to embark on their own lives.
Priorities change as you age
As people age, financial stability and emotional security take center stage. A spouse's substance abuse, gambling issues, or abusive behavior may become unbearable. Questing for independence can become key to a healthy future.
Finances are more secure later in life
Women especially often worry that a divorce early in their lives would lead to financial devastation. Divorce is expensive, and separating couples often want to wait to see if there will be enough assets for two people to live comfortably in two different households.
They haven't wanted to upset family and friends with a divorce
Long-term relationships often entail strong ties to a partner's family and friends. It's difficult enough to take care of your own needs and emotions during a crisis; the fear of losing your support system or hurting people you care about can be frightening.
Divorce laws are more equitable
Laws have changed, making the division of property more equitable. This is especially true in California, where we have community property laws.
Division of assets is fairer in divorce
Virtually everything acquired during the marriage with community funds (e.g., employment earnings by either spouse) must be divided equally.
Divorce tips for baby boomers
Settlement in divorce is more important than ever
Legal fees skyrocket for divorces with assets over 1 million dollars. When choosing a lawyer, find one with litigation experience as well as mediation or collaborative law experience. A talented negotiator with a strong legal strategy can help keep legal fees reasonable, confrontation low, and "damage" controlled.
Pay attention to Social Security
Social Security benefits cannot be divided in a divorce. However, this does not mean you should ignore the rules that impact your benefits if your marriage lasted more than 10 years. Educate yourself on issues such as whether you are entitled to survivor benefits if your former spouse dies. Note that if you are over the age of 62, you can collect spousal benefits without your ex experiencing a reduction of their own benefits.
Establish credit and manage debt
Establish credit after the split; this is especially important if you weren't the breadwinner while married. Consider getting a credit card in your name while still married if the relationship is troubled. If you share an account or are an authorized user and your spouse racks up significant charges, distance yourself as much as possible from that account. Remove your name from it, and alert the financial institution of your separation. Note: Even if you do this, you may be responsible for a large portion of the debt. Establishing a separation date is key, as is closing those accounts from further use.
Think about where you will get health insurance after your divorce
Medical insurance can pose a major issue for divorcing baby boomers, especially those who receive health insurance through their spouse's plan. Upon dissolution of marriage, health benefits cease for the non-employee spouse. Hence, they must obtain their own plan. While laws are changing, many of our clients find COBRA expensive. Consider addressing payment of a health insurance premium and medical bills in the divorce action.
Learn about the division of retirement benefits in divorce
In divorce, retirement accounts must be properly divided. Often, a document (in addition to your judgment) must be prepared to ensure the non-employee spouse receives their share and the employee spouse can receive benefits upon retirement (or access their share before retirement).
Create a financial plan for your divorce
It's essential to develop a post-divorce financial plan and budget. Determine when you can retire, if expenses should be cut, and if you should revise your retirement plan. Your budget will prevent you from depleting assets as you sustain your daily needs. You may also decide to review your estate planning documents and insurance policies in order to change beneficiaries.
Be aware of the emotional impact of divorce
While all divorces are painful, separation after a long-term relationship can have far more impact on your psyche, even if the decision was mutual. Just remember, no matter how difficult it is in the moment, it will not always be this hard. Your pain is not permanent. Find the personal and professional help you need. Reinvent your life. Try something new. Reach out to family and friends. Join a support group. (Just don't use your lawyer as a therapist. They're not trained in psychology, and your fees would be better spent on an experienced advocate!)
Frequently Asked Questions
Why are baby boomer divorces called gray divorces?
The term “gray divorce” refers to couples divorcing later in life, often after age 50. It highlights the unique financial, retirement, and family challenges that arise when separating at this stage.
What makes baby boomer divorce different from younger divorces?
Divorces later in life often involve dividing retirement accounts, Social Security considerations, long-term healthcare, adult children, and fewer working years to recover financially.
How are retirement accounts divided in a gray divorce?
Retirement savings and pensions are usually considered marital property. Division requires a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO) or similar court-approved order.
Does Social Security play a role in baby boomer divorce?
Yes. A divorced spouse may qualify for Social Security benefits based on their ex-spouse’s record if the marriage lasted at least 10 years, the person is 62 or older, and other conditions are met.
How does divorce affect health insurance for older adults?
Divorce may end spousal coverage, and older adults may need to transition to Medicare, COBRA, or marketplace plans. Planning ahead helps avoid coverage gaps.
What about adult children in a gray divorce?
Even if custody isn’t an issue, adult children can be deeply affected. Family dynamics, inheritance planning, and emotional support all play a role.
Is alimony common in baby boomer divorces?
Alimony may be more likely in long-term marriages, especially when one spouse supported the household while the other built a career. Courts consider income, health, and length of marriage.
Can estate plans be updated after divorce?
Yes. Wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and beneficiary designations should all be updated to reflect new wishes.
How can boomers protect themselves financially in divorce?
Gather financial records, consult financial and legal professionals, and understand the impact of divorce on retirement, taxes, and estate planning.
What emotional challenges are common in gray divorce?
Gray divorce can bring feelings of loss, identity shifts, and social changes. Building new routines, friendships, and self-care practices supports adjustment.
How to Navigate a Baby Boomer Divorce
Take inventory of assets and debts
Collect statements, deeds, and balances for all accounts and property, including retirement savings and pensions.
Understand retirement division rules
Learn how pensions and 401(k)s are divided, and obtain a QDRO or similar order where needed.
Review Social Security eligibility
Check if you qualify for spousal benefits on your ex-spouse’s record and evaluate timing for claiming.
Plan for health coverage
Review Medicare, COBRA, or marketplace options to prevent gaps in coverage.
Update estate plans
Revise wills, trusts, beneficiary designations, and powers of attorney.
Evaluate alimony and income needs
Consider spousal support and strategies to maximize retirement income.
Consider adult children’s role
Acknowledge family communication, inheritance expectations, and the emotional impact on grown children.
Seek emotional support
Engage with friends, therapists, or support groups to process changes and build resilience.
Work with professionals
Collaborate with attorneys, financial advisors, and estate planners to protect assets and make informed decisions.
Rebuild post-divorce life
Set new goals, discover hobbies, and nurture relationships to create meaning in the next chapter.
Are you considering divorce? Book your free 15-minute call with a member of our legal team now.
