We as divorce lawyers balance two very important 'obligations' – that to our families, to help financially support them – and to our clients, to assist them through a challenging transitionary period in their lives – in the most efficient, compassionate, and least disruptive way. While many of us would like to change the divorce paradigm and legal process itself – that certainly isn't going to happen overnight and we've yet to find real, meaningful solutions that improve the status quo.
But what we can do now is change how we approach the system and by doing that, we remain able to earn a living without compromising our personal integrity or perpetuating a system that encourages (many) attorneys to increase animosity rather than de-escalate it. Legal consumers will always need advocates, guidance, and advice.
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There will always be people who refuse to play fair, have complicated estates, are dissolving relationships with large power imbalances, and face emotional strain so significant they are unable to navigate the process without traditional representation. Even so, there are several ways we can practice responsibly and begin to shift a system that has left so many unhappy and beyond frustrated.
Divorce lawyers should focus on the individual
By focusing on the client's needs and concerns (as opposed to what we think is best for them), we can help them to find creative solutions and make choices that are best for themselves. No two relationships are the same so why would we assume that every divorce should be resolved in the same manner? Is having money in the bank for a rainy day more important to your client than receiving more income through spousal support? Partner with therapists, coaches, and allies to help our clients identify their goals, and rule out anger or vengeance as motivating factors so that we can focus on what matters to them – not prioritize the issues that we feel are most important. By focusing on the individual, we can seek meaningful feedback from them and act on it.
Divorce lawyers should help clients find non–legal options
Why are we so afraid of unbundled services, legal coaching and mediation? There is no one–size–fits–all solution for divorce and the modern consumer understands that. By offering creative and effective options to traditional representation we are not only driving down the cost of divorce for many people, but we may also find more meaning in our work and happier clients. Sure, our volume increases, but we also aren't left with tons of cases that never seem to go away – making for frustrated clients and disillusioned lawyers.
Divorce lawyers should think about how to make clients' lives better
How can we make life smoother during the divorce and help to create fewer problems for the client after divorce? Sometimes that means encouraging them to give a little (or a lot in some areas) to get what they need to help them and their kids in everyday life. We can look to the person and how they walk through life to help determine what can maximize their best result.
Divorce lawyers should help remove the stigma from divorce
Let's do our part to refrain from judgment around divorce and encourage our community to better understand divorce. It's awful feeling isolated or being told that you should have "worked harder." No child benefits from having miserable parents who stay married but can’t stand the sight of each other. It is courageous to leave an unhappy relationship and rarely is it done without months or years of agonizing thought, tons of therapy, adjustment of expectations, and facing internal demons. We need to disrupt the prevailing societal message that when we divorce, we fail. Sometimes marriages just don't work out.
Divorce lawyers should not try to scare their clients
Is there a way for our client to understand the profound consequences of the divorce without instilling the fear of God? I think so. Motivating by fear is paralyzing while providing encouragement is liberating. By guiding our clients we are empowering them to make their own decisions that they will likely feel better about.
Divorce lawyers should be transparent with clients
Providing valuable information about the law and legal system through resources, infographics, online options, and instructional videos – will not make lawyers obsolete or unnecessary. Instead, it will actually make our work more meaningful and interesting. Instead of explaining what "proof of service" is or what the law says about reimbursements for down payments on a joint residence, we can be spending our time doing what people want lawyers to do – finding outside-the-box solutions and strategizing negotiation tactics that work.
Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce Lawyers and Client Satisfaction
Why are so many people unhappy with their divorce lawyer?
Clients often feel disappointed when lawyers are slow to respond, escalate conflict, or charge high fees without delivering practical results. Divorce is deeply personal, and traditional legal approaches don’t always address the emotional and financial realities clients face.
What do most clients want from their divorce lawyer?
People want clear communication, empathy, transparency about costs, and practical strategies. Most importantly, they want a lawyer who works to resolve conflict, not create more of it.
Can divorce lawyers actually make clients happy?
Yes. When lawyers listen, set realistic expectations, and focus on efficient solutions, clients feel more supported and satisfied with both the process and the outcome.
What makes a lawyer-client relationship successful?
Trust and success come from open communication, clear boundaries, honest billing practices, and a shared commitment to resolving issues fairly.
How can I avoid frustration with my divorce lawyer?
Start by defining your goals and being upfront about budget and communication needs. Ask questions about the process and consider whether you need full representation or a more limited service.
Are there alternatives to hiring a traditional divorce lawyer?
Yes. Options include mediation, online divorce services, and limited-scope legal help. These can provide targeted support at a lower cost and often with less stress.
How to Get the Most from Your Divorce Lawyer
Define your priorities
Decide what matters most—whether it’s financial stability, co-parenting, or a quicker resolution—and share these with your lawyer.
Set expectations early
Ask about fees, communication methods, and what you can do to help keep costs down.
Stay organized
Keep your documents, financial records, and parenting information in order. Timely, complete paperwork reduces delays and unnecessary fees.
Communicate openly
Update your lawyer on changes, and ask questions when you need clarity. Miscommunication often leads to frustration.
Explore alternatives
Consider whether mediation, limited-scope services, or online platforms can help manage parts of your case more affordably.
Evaluate progress
Check in regularly to ensure your lawyer’s strategy still aligns with your goals and that you feel supported throughout the process.
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