You and your soon-to-be-ex are struggling to work out your separation agreement. You may be in the process of a divorce, a domestic partnership dissolution (with children), a parentage case, or a domestic violence legal action in which one parent is requesting child custody orders.
Whatever the case may be, the two of you cannot agree on the details of a parenting plan. So, California’s family law court (FLC) has stepped in and mandated that you both work with a mediator before your hearing.
You’re already stressed out, and now you have this mandate from the state to worry about. What can you expect? Depending on which California county you live in, you may be required to participate in a process called recommending counseling or a process called child custody mediation.
It’s all about mediation
Whether you participate in recommending counseling or child custody mediation, the key word to understand is mediation.
In a case involving children where the parties have not agreed on a parenting plan, the FLC mandates that parents "mediate" prior to a hearing on the matter. Mediators have experience in counseling or psychotherapy and must have a Master's degree in behavioral science related to marriage and family interpersonal relationships.
Which will you participate in: recommending counseling or child custody mediation? And what's the difference?
Here’s what to expect in either case.
Recommending counseling
In some California counties, including Contra Costa, Alameda, Solano, and San Francisco, Family Court Services requires parents to participate in recommending counseling. The recommending counselor is charged with the duty of assisting parents with the development of a parenting plan and working out their disputes.
If you and the other parent are unable to come to an agreement, the counselor will provide a written recommendation to the court. You will have an opportunity to review the recommendation prior to your hearing. If you disagree with the recommendation, you will have a chance to explain to the court why a different result would better serve the best interest of your child or children.
Child custody mediation
Like recommending counseling, child custody mediation involves parental participation in mediation. The goal is to work out a parenting plan and resolve any disagreements with respect to the care of the child or children.
If you reach an agreement, you and your ex-spouse will sign an agreement. Generally, the judge will approve this agreement and make a court order.
However, if you do not come to an agreement, the judge will decide legal and physical custody issues for you, as well as parenting timeshare issues, at the hearing.
Suggested: Child Custody Mediation Tips
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Getting help
The California county in which your action is pending affects which dispute resolution procedure you’ll follow. It can feel overwhelming, but Hello Divorce is here to help. We may be able to recommend alternative methods for resolving your disputes, such as ADR, private mediation, or settlement negotiation. Schedule a consultation with us for more information.
Frequently Asked Questions About Child Custody Counseling and Mediation
What is child custody mediation?
It’s a process where parents meet with a neutral mediator to work out custody and parenting arrangements. The mediator helps parents stay focused on the child’s needs and reach an agreement outside of court.
How is child custody counseling different from mediation?
Counseling addresses emotional dynamics, communication, and co-parenting skills. Mediation is a structured process aimed at resolving disputes about custody and parenting plans.
Is mediation required in child custody cases?
In many states, yes. Courts often require parents to try mediation before a custody hearing unless there are safety concerns such as abuse.
What if we can’t reach an agreement in mediation?
If mediation fails, the mediator may send a report to the judge, or the case proceeds to a court hearing where the judge decides custody.
What should I bring to custody mediation?
Bring your proposed schedule, school or medical records, and notes on your child’s needs and activities. Be prepared to talk about holidays, transportation, and communication.
How can mediation benefit children?
It reduces parental conflict, gives kids more stability, and allows parents to tailor a plan to their child instead of leaving the decision to a judge.
How to Prepare for Child Custody Mediation
Learn your court’s mediation process
Check whether mediation is required, how it is scheduled, and what role the mediator plays in your area.
Clarify your parenting goals
Think about your child’s needs, and outline what schedule and responsibilities would best support them.
Organize important records
Bring documents such as school schedules, medical information, and notes on your child’s activities and routines.
Draft a proposed parenting schedule
Include weekdays, weekends, holidays, vacations, and travel responsibilities. Keep it realistic and centered on your child.
Practice respectful communication
Stay calm, listen actively, and focus on solutions. This sets a cooperative tone and keeps the focus on your child’s well-being.
Review agreements and next steps
If you reach an agreement, carefully review the written parenting plan before signing. Follow up on filing it with the court so it becomes enforceable.
Watch: We can't agree on custody. Now what?
References
Child Custody Information Sheet – Recommending Counseling. California Judicial Branch.Child Custody Information Sheet – Child Custody Mediation. California Judicial Branch.
