3 Benefits of Living Together During Your Divorce

• You save money
• You have time to discuss practicalities
• Parental coordination is easier
• Reasons not to live together before divorce

Some people feel that after the decision to divorce has been made, there’s no point in continuing to live together. They reason that living together would, at best, be awkward. Both people would feel uncomfortable, and the proximity could lead to arguments and unwanted tension. 

But living together after you’ve decided to split has a few advantages, too. Below, we explore three of the big ones: you can save money by staying under the same roof (temporarily), it would be more convenient and possibly easier to hold important divorce settlement discussions, and you would likely have an easier time co-parenting and making important post-divorce co-parenting arrangements by living in the same place. 

Based on your circumstances, you may or may not find these advantages compelling enough to stay put right now. But they’re worth considering, so let’s take a look.

1. You save money by living together

Any time people share living space, they save money by pooling their resources for the rent or mortgage, utilities, and so on. Of course, that’s why so many college kids cohabitate during their school years and often in the young adult years that follow.

You might not be fresh out of high school, but you may appreciate saving money right now. In the face of divorce, you will each need a reserve of cash to do whatever you need to do: buy a new home, a new car, or new things. Pay a divorce lawyer. Pay child support or alimony.

Disrupting your current living situation would likely place a financial burden on each of you. Consider Kate and Robert’s situation. 

Kate and Robert live together but apart

Kate and Robert are getting an uncontested divorce and are fairly amicable, though they certainly don’t consider themselves “friends” right now. They don’t have kids to deal with, but they do share a house and a mortgage.

Originally, Robert planned to move out of the marital home and rent an apartment. But then, they realized they both needed to save money on living expenses and they made this plan:

• Rather than Robert moving to an apartment and taking on new rent and utilities payments (about $2,000 per month) and Kate staying in the house, paying mortgage and utility costs (also  $2,000 per month), they will continue living together and splitting costs for a while. Robert will move into the spare bedroom downstairs, and Kate will stay clear of the lower half of the house as much as possible so they can feel like they each have their own space.
• They will live like this for 10 months, effectively saving $20,000 between the two of them. Over this period, they will go through their divorce proceedings and decide what to do with the marital home after their divorce has been finalized.

2. You have time to discuss practicalities

Divorcing couples face the oft-daunting task of dividing their marital estate. In an amicable divorce like Kate and Robert’s, they can do this via a marital settlement agreement – a written document in which both people agree on how property should be divided.

But an MSA is not created overnight. It takes time and a lot of collaboration to agree on these big decisions and put them in writing. Living under the same roof for 10 months allows Kate and Robert to plot out their post-divorce lives a little bit at a time. They can talk for a few minutes each day, or they can have a few longer negotiation sessions each week. Neither feels pressured to get it all decided in one or two meetings. 

And, because they’re less overwhelmed, they can each continue pursuing their careers and preparing their bodies and minds for the changes to come.

Here are some of the big decisions Kate and Robert have ample time to discuss.

• What will we do with our marital home: sell it, keep it, or have one person buy out the other’s share?
• What home improvements should be made before a potential sale? 
• Will either of us need financial help from the other person in the months after divorce?
• How are we going to handle splitting things like airline miles and custody or ownership of our pets?
• How will we handle our future relationships with our in-laws?

Suggested: Calculating a House Buyout in Divorce by Chris Freemott, Divorce Real Estate Expert

3. Parental coordination is easier when you live together

Now, let’s say that Kate and Robert have twin sons who are 10 years old. As if living together weren’t compelling enough, they now also have these reasons to stay together for a while.

• By sharing the same home for another 10 months, the kids will have time to digest the fact that their parents have “uncoupled” and are divorcing. During this time, they will continue to see both parents every day, and their parents will present a united front. 
• Kate and Robert will have time to make childcare arrangements with a provider they trust. They won’t feel rushed to find somebody because they’re in a hurry to get away from each other. In the meantime, Robert can continue to drive them to school on his way to work, and Kate can continue to take them to their after-school activities. What’s more, they’ll get a taste of what co-parenting is like and develop habits that work.
• The kids will have a chance to go “home shopping” with each parent. Their input about where to live (and which bedroom they get) will be acknowledged. They’ll feel more in control of the situation because the adults involve them and listen to their input.

Reasons not to live together before divorce

For some couples, living together after the decision to divorce has been made is not a good idea.

The possibility of emotional conflicts at home, arguments, and misunderstandings in the shared home is too big of a threat. 

And, what if one person wants to start dating while still living under the shared marital roof? That could lead to even more arguments and perhaps extra heartache and baggage for the other spouse.

Although there may be some financial, emotional, and practical benefits to sharing a home during your divorce process, it’s not for everyone. Carefully consider your circumstances. If you’re unable to see the forest for the trees – and we wouldn’t blame you, as you are so close to the situation – it may be worthwhile to go your separate ways.

At Hello Divorce, we understand that each person’s divorce journey is different … and no one’s divorce journey is easy. But we’re here to make your burden lighter. How can we help you? If you’d like to find out, we’d love to talk to you. 

Schedule a free 15-minute phone call to speak with an account coordinator. Don’t forget to ask not only about our online divorce plans but also our mediation services, certified divorce financial analyst services, real estate services, and legal coaching.