Finding a Sense of Home and Belonging after Divorce

• Why it’s common to feel lost after divorce
• How to make your home feel like your own
• Feeling “at home” mentally and emotionally
• Finding friends and a new community

Divorce is more than just the end of a marriage. It’s a profound shift of your entire life, your identity, your sense of stability and belonging, and your rootedness and familiarity with your surroundings. 

Your divorce may have left you feeling unmoored and alone. During this time of not quite knowing where you belong, you are likely to crave a sense of place and comfort that can hold you and take you into the future. 

How can you reimagine your life and foster a sense of peace in this new chapter?

Why it’s common to feel lost after divorce

The divorce process is one of life’s major emotional upheavals. You may have moved to a new neighborhood or home. Things feel unfamiliar, and you feel vulnerable. On top of this, you’re no longer half of a couple. And if you share kids, your family life has definitely been affected by new co-parenting rules or child custody structures.

Who are you now without that part of your identity? 

Despite the relief that comes from no longer dealing with the emotional turmoil of a bad marriage, now there is quiet – maybe even too much quiet. Everything is different, and many of the simple routines that once comforted you are now gone. 

This is all normal after a divorce. But there are ways you can help the process along and find new footing so you can comfortably move ahead.

What does research say about the current divorce rate? Read about current divorce rate statistics.

Staying in your marital home? How to make it your own

Perhaps you fought hard to stay in your family home. But now, living there, you encounter a memory around every corner.

While many of these memories are good ones you cherish, others may keep you stuck with the ghosts of marriage past – along with your anger and hurt. 

Transforming your former marital home into your very own space can be cathartic and empowering.  

Chances are you may have limited resources after the divorce, so you probably won’t be able to go in and do an HGTV-style makeover. But there are simple ways to take what you have and rearrange or reconfigure it, giving your space new life and personality. 

Buy some small, colorful accessories that represent who you are now and reflect your style. Throw pillows, rugs, new wall accents, photographs and picture frames, dishes – these small changes can make a big impact and allow your old space to brighten up to reflect your new life. 

Living in a new place? How to make it feel like home

Moving to a new house or apartment can be the proverbial double-edged sword. It’s a new canvas for your new life, but the very blankness of it can feel daunting. 

The personal things you bring with you can take on a new personality just by weaving them into your new surroundings. You are now the master of your domain, which means you don’t have to showcase the items from your former marriage you tolerated but never liked. Create new spaces and routines that feel like home to you, such as a cozy place on your deck for your morning coffee or a cozy bedtime reading space. Scatter framed photos of friends and family around the place to remind you that you are loved and this is your time to shine. 

Are you a single parent for the first time? We invite you to explore our mental health and well-being resources, any of which focus on divorced parents and kids dealing with parental divorce.

Feeling at home emotionally and mentally

Home is not just a physical place. Your emotional and mental contentment also contribute to a sense of home.

Regardless of where you now live, indulge in some well-deserved self-care and comfort. Surround yourself with friends and family. Celebrate your new life. Allow some setbacks — these are natural effects of divorce, but they ultimately help you grow. Remember, this is a process. With any forward momentum, you will have those inevitable steps backward. 

Feeling at home won’t happen all at once. You are changing daily, and it will take a series of small comforts to finally feel like you’re in a place that reflects who you are and what you want in your new life. Embrace the journey.

Finding new friends and communities for support

Marriage comes with its own built-in support system. Chances are you relied on your ex-spouse and perhaps your mutual friends, in-laws, and other family members who now aren’t available. Without these people, you may struggle at first to find a sense of community. This is especially true if you're starting over in a new place. 

As adults, it can be difficult to make new friends and connections. But friendships and a supportive community will help create a sense of home and belonging and keep your feelings of loneliness at bay. 

Smile and wave to your neighbors. Maybe even host a small housewarming party. This can help you feel like part of your new community and offer a sense of belonging. There may be clubs and local groups that appeal to your interests. Taking classes will put you in touch with like-minded peers. Volunteering can give you a sense of community and purpose. Even online forums and social media groups can help you make essential connections. 

After divorce, finding a new sense of home and belonging isn’t only about a place to live. It’s also about finding a new way to live in your newfound independence. Give yourself the grace, time, and space to do this, and don’t hesitate to reach out to others when you need help. Even joining a support group or getting the guidance of a professional therapist can help you understand what home means to you personally and how you can best develop this for yourself. 

At Hello Divorce, we offer a community of like-minded and supportive individuals and professionals who can meet you where you are on your divorce journey. Explore our website, or schedule a free call to learn more. 

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