The Key to Finding Love Again: Believing You Will
Divorce has a way of throwing you off your game for a very long time. It leaves you feeling emotionally unraveled and unsure of your place in the world. Even if you were the one to initiate the divorce, the reality of being alone can be something you weren’t prepared for.
In quiet moments by yourself, you may find yourself facing one of your biggest fears – after everything that’s happened, will you ever find love again?
“I’m scared I won’t find love again”
No matter how amicable your divorce was, it changed everything. It changed your outlook on love and life. You no longer trust as easily. You may even be questioning your self-worth. Right now, the only thing you can count on is uncertainty.
When you’re in the throes of divorce, it’s difficult to believe something better is waiting for you. After being with another person for so long – good or bad – being alone can still be a scary place to be. And while your marriage ran dry at the end, it was good once. You still want to believe that enduring love exists.
While you grieve the loss of your old life, bit by bit you’re presented with a blank canvas for a new one ahead of you. And with that clarity, you can begin to attract the right people into your future.
Believing in love
When you first got married, it may have been with preconceived notions about what love was. Being “in love” was a heady experience that was supposed to carry you for the rest of your life. But those hormone-fueled feelings faded, and you and your spouse were left with a less-than-storybook version of love that dimmed over time.
Even though you now know what love is not, you still want to believe that the real thing is possible for you. And it is. Believing in the possibility of a new love is crucial. But equally important is the relationship you have with yourself. Love will grow out of the positive connections you make with others when you’re the happiest and healthiest version of yourself.
The power of positive thinking
Positive thinking may sound trite to you right now, but scientific studies have developed around the biology of positive thinking. What this research tells us is that focused positive thinking has a biological effect on our mental and physical health, life success, and essential needs – like human connection.
Law of attraction? On the surface, we know that what we believe affects our thoughts, and our thoughts affect our actions. But underneath, the body’s biochemistry conspires with a positive approach. When you genuinely believe that love is a human birthright – your birthright – and is available to you, you’ll begin to behave out of that belief in ways that attract love without even trying.
Unfortunately, after a divorce, positive thinking may not be anywhere on your radar. If anything, you may feel stuck in a failure mindset. Your marriage ended, but to you, it feels like you failed. You may even feel like you’re a failure at love in general. How do you turn this around so you can face your next chapter with a positive attitude?
Cognitive restructuring is a device that teaches you how to harness that thought/behavior correlation. Through cognitive restructuring, you look at your fears and consider all the evidence for or against them. Are they true, or have you built them up in your mind beyond reality? You can then consciously reframe your fears and, with enough practice, be able to redirect how they affect you.
“I am a failure” now becomes “I am a survivor.” “My spouse betrayed me” becomes “We were not a good fit.” “I’m not lovable” becomes “I am loveable, and the right person will recognize that.” With focused cognitive restructuring, you can train yourself to consider the evidence and concentrate on a more positive reality. When you come from a more positive place, you begin to naturally attract new people and bring more love into your life.
Words of advice
Finding love again will come in its own time. In the meantime, shifting your limiting beliefs to strong and self-nurturing ones can set you up for recognizing and attracting love.
- Practice self-love, and believe in your worthiness. You deserve love and deserve to be treated with kindness. Developing positive self-esteem is a great first step.
- Never put a romantic interest before yourself. Respecting yourself teaches others to respect you.
- Let go of your “need” for a relationship. Love often shows up when you least need or expect it.
- Enjoy your life. You don’t need a romantic relationship to live a happy life. Develop a happy relationship with yourself. While you’re out enjoying the things you love to do, you’re meeting others who enjoy the same things.
- Be open and curious. Push past your fear. Let yourself be challenged by things you would not have tried in the past.
- Visualize the life you want for yourself. When you work toward creating a life that supports the best you, you tend to attract the best in others.
- Cultivate hope. Your marriage ended, but the same holds true for nearly half the married population. And of those who divorce, approximately 40% go on to remarry. Whether you are looking to walk down the aisle post-divorce or not, remarriage data is a strong indication that love is a viable option in your future.
Divorce is not the end of your life; it’s merely the end of a chapter in a book full of life experiences. While you can’t rewrite what’s happened, you can ensure that what follows is even better. Finding love is possible and even probable simply by believing it will happen.
At Hello Divorce, we know that divorce is far more than the legal unjoining of a marriage. It is the emotional upheaval of life and a journey to higher ground. To that end, we care not only about the legal mechanics of your divorce but also about your mental health and well-being as you complete your divorce journey.
While we offer divorce plans and related services to help you through the divorce process, we also have resources to help you navigate wherever you are on that journey. Let us help. Schedule a free 15-minute call to learn more.