Gambling Addiction and Divorce

• Warning signs of gambling addiction
• How gambling affects marriage and divorce rates
• Is gambling a reason for divorce?
• How gambling can impact divorce proceedings
• Protecting yourself and the kids
• Protecting your finances
• Where to get help
• References

While most of us are familiar with alcohol and drug addiction, gambling addiction gets far less attention. And yet, a gambling addiction can affect marriage and family in similar ways to drug and alcohol abuse. 

Gambling involves risky and often irrational decision-making and can be considered a behavioral addiction if it is habitual and causes problems in one’s life. If you are living with someone with a gambling addiction, you know firsthand how it has affected your marriage. You may even be tempted to seek a divorce because of it. 

Over the past 15 years, one of the most significant changes in gambling has been the rise of internet gambling, including mobile platforms such as apps. Online gambling is rapidly growing and altering gambler behavior. The high accessibility, immersive interfaces, and ease of spending money have raised concerns about increasing rates of disordered gambling. If you’re worried that your spouse or you have become addicted to gambling to the extent that it’s harming your marriage, keep reading to learn more about what you can do.

Warning signs of gambling addiction

According to the Mayo Clinic, compulsive gambling is the uncontrollable urge to engage in gambling activities even though it causes great harm.

One study suggested that gambling falls into a category of “psychological addictions” which is defined by a persistent desire, increased activity over time, psychological dependence, and negative consequences. While some heavy gamblers may fit this category, it's unclear if they align with those diagnosed as pathological gamblers who have the true dependency as required for an “addiction” or “dependence.” This suggests that a true inability to stop gambling is rare for most people – but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to scale back or quit.

Compulsive gambling affects the brain’s reward chemistry in similar ways to drugs and alcohol, and people who are addicted to gambling need progressively more risk to achieve the same kind of “high.” Gambling addicts can even experience withdrawal symptoms when they try to reduce or stop their behavior. 

Observable signs that someone has a gambling problem can include:

• A preoccupation with gambling
• Trying to stop unsuccessfully
• Continuing to gamble to “win back” lost money
• Asking to borrow money (for gambling or to pay off losses)
• Lying about gambling
• They used to be happy during and after gambling, and now it causes them distress or to act out

Psychological signs of gambling addiction

There is significant debate about how to classify pathological gambling in psychiatry. One research study suggests that there are two primary gambling-associated disorders: pathological gambling as a separate addiction and gambling as part of the obsessive-compulsive spectrum. Evidence suggests that problematic gambling behavior shares more characteristics with substance abuse than with OCD. 

Worried you’re developing problematic gambling behaviors? Here are some things you might experience mentally or emotionally.

1.  Preoccupation with gambling: Regularly thinking about it, planning the next gambling venture, or seeking out money to gamble.
2.  Inability to stop: Trying unsuccessfully to control, cut back, or stop gambling. Feeling compelled to gamble even if one doesn’t want to.
3.  Increased tolerance: Needing to gamble more often or with more money to continue to enjoy it.
4.  Gambling to escape something: Using gambling to get away from or distract from other problems or emotional discomfort.
5.  Lying/hiding the gambling: Trying to cover up the extent of the gambling.
6.  Risking other losses to keep gambling: Gambling often takes priority over important relationships, jobs, education, or other positive opportunities.
7.  Mood issues: Feeling irritable or restless when not gambling. Feeling guilt or shame about gambling.
8.  Rationalizing it: Making excuses or justifications for gambling behavior.

These psychological signs can severely impact an individual's mental health, relationships, and finances. Experts are unsure why, but it seems that some people are more vulnerable to gambling addiction, and addiction in general, than others. 

How gambling addiction affects marriage and increases divorce rates

Gambling addictions can affect a marriage in much the same way that other addictions do. 

The National Gambling Impact Study reports that the lifetime divorce rate for problematic gamblers is 39.5% (versus 18.2% for the general population). Pathological gamblers’ divorce rates are as high as 53.5%. 

Marriage demands a great deal of trust between partners. Unfortunately, when one spouse suffers from a gambling addiction, it often results in serial dishonesty, large financial losses, significant debt, and other marital stressors. 

A gambling addiction can push someone toward risky behaviors to get the money needed to continue to gamble, risking both their spouse’s trust and the family’s marital funds. Compulsive gamblers can even go so far as choosing their gambling compulsions over the people they love. 

Studies have found that spouses of gamblers are more likely to experience domestic violence and harassment from people their spouse owes and are often left to pick up the slack, financially and otherwise, caused by their spouse’s gambling.

Is gambling a reason for divorce?

Can you use a gambling addiction as grounds for divorce when you live in an at-fault divorce state?

Grounds for divorce vary by state, but no state specifically names gambling addiction as grounds, or fault, for divorce. Still, many spouses of compulsive gamblers seek a divorce because of it.

Every state has some form of no-fault divorce option available to people seeking a divorce. A no-fault divorce allows one spouse to seek divorce from the other without having to prove fault.

All states require divorcing couples to divide marital property fairly as part of their divorce settlement. Notably, this property division includes marital debt. If your spouse has amassed a large amount of debt due to their gambling addiction, you may be responsible for a portion of that debt unless you can prove how your spouse’s gambling behavior has affected your current financial picture. 

If you’re considering a divorce from a gambling addict, it may be helpful to first collect any financial information and documentation that might prove the wasteful use of marital assets by your spouse.

One spouse’s gambling addiction can threaten the emotional, financial, and physical well-being of the other spouse as well as the children.

How gambling addiction can impact divorce proceedings

Gambling addiction can significantly impact divorce proceedings in various ways:

1.  Financial destruction: Excessive gambling often leads to substantial financial losses, resulting in depleted joint savings, increased debts, and financial instability. Courts must address the division of debts and assets, considering the gambler's actions.
2.  Trust issues: Gambling addiction can erode trust in a marriage. Lies and deceit surrounding gambling activities often lead to irreparable damage in the relationship.
3.  Custody battles: The gambler's addiction might be seen as a risk to children's well-being, influencing custody decisions.
4.  Emotional strain: The non-gambling spouse may experience emotional distress, contributing to the grounds for divorce.

Case studies: gambling and divorce 

Case 1: Lost assets

Jane’s gambling resulted in a loss of $90,000, wiping out their marital retirement savings. During the divorce, the court ruled that she was solely responsible for the gambling debts, and her husband, Tim, was awarded a much larger share of the remaining assets to compensate for his financial security being compromised.

Case 2: Custody losses

Ian, a father of two with his wife Sharon, had a severe gambling problem. Sharon sought full custody, arguing that Ian’s addiction created an unstable environment for their children. The court agreed, granting her primary custody and mandating that Ian attend addiction counseling and demonstrate sustained recovery before he could seek custody modifications.

Case 3: Hidden debts

Sam discovers his husband, Tamas, amassed significant secret gambling debts. Their home was at risk of foreclosure. In the divorce, Tamas’s hidden debts were disclosed, leading to a settlement where he was held responsible for the debts, and Sam received a larger share of the liquid assets.

What should I do to protect myself and my kids?

Children who grow up in households affected by gambling addiction may experience significant long-term psychological effects. Here are some potential consequences:

1.  Emotional and behavioral Issues: A study published in the Journal of Gambling Studies found that parental gambling problems can be associated with increased risks of anxiety, depression, and other mood issues in children​​.
2.  Academic performance: Research indicates that children in homes where gambling is an issue often struggle with concentration and performance in school.
3.  Social relationships: The instability and tension in households with gambling addiction can lead to difficulties in forming and maintaining social relationships. 
4.  Risk of addiction: Studies suggest that growing up in a gambling environment increases the likelihood of substance abuse and gambling problems in adulthood.

If you suspect your spouse is a compulsive gambler, your first concern should be to protect yourself and your kids financially. Until your spouse gets help or can be trusted with your finances, you don’t want them to have access to shared accounts or assets. 

Consider taking the following steps:

• Removing your spouse’s name from any accounts or financial assets, if possible
• Cutting up/closing credit cards
• Changing passwords and PINs on accounts
• Removing your spouse’s name as the beneficiary from your life insurance policy and any other accounts
• Freezing your credit with all three credit reporting agencies to ensure that your spouse is not opening new accounts
• Not paying any of their gambling debts out of your joint or personal account

Talk with your spouse. While you understand that gambling disorder is an addiction, they need to take responsibility for themselves and what they’re doing to your family and marital estate. 

Get help for yourself as well. Dealing with an addicted spouse can be isolating and overwhelming. Although it isn’t your fault, you may have inadvertently become codependent and adapted to their behavior instead of working to prevent it. Many organizations can offer you support. For instance, the National Council on Problem Gambling offers a help hotline that can be reached at 1-800-GAMBLER.

Seeking a professional therapist who specializes in addiction can also be helpful to understand and navigate your spouse’s gambling addiction. 

Step-by-step guide: financial protection measures

If you or your spouse have developed problematic gambling behaviors, you may be especially concerned about its effects on your finances. Here are some things you can do to protect your financial future and recover from debts.

1.  Acknowledge the problem: Know the signs of gambling addiction (above).
2.  Financial assessment: List out all debts and assets, highlighting those from gambling.
3.  Budgeting: Create a strict budget limiting or excluding gambling. Allocate funds for essential expenses before entertainment like gambling.
4.  Limit access to money: If the gambler isn’t able to do the above, use a trusted person to manage finances and set daily withdrawal limits.
5.  Close gambling accounts: Close online, casino, or other gambling accounts. Do not visit gambling establishments. Block gambling websites or apps.
6.  Financial counseling: Consult a financial advisor for help if you can’t manage on your own.
7.  Legal protections: Explore legal options, such as filing for bankruptcy, if necessary.
8.  Monitor financial activity: Review bank statements and use tracking tools to monitor spending at least once per week.
9.  Emergency fund: Set up a separate savings account for emergencies, managed by a trusted individual.
10.  Education and support: Seek help and communicate openly. Like other addictions, there is no shame in getting the help you need.

Where to get help for gambling addiction

If you want to get professional help or peer support for gambling issues, there are many resources available, and many are free. They can vary depending on your location, so it's a good idea to do a web search for “gambling addiction resources near me” as well.

Support groups for gambling addiction:

1.  Gamblers Anonymous (GA): This international support group follows the 12-step recovery model.
2.  SMART Recovery: If GA isn’t your thing, SMART offers support groups and resources for various types of addiction and mental health issues.
3.  Online forums: Websites like Reddit have communities dedicated to those seeking peer support for gambling addiction.

Financial advisors experienced with gambling debts:

1.  National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC): If financial recovery is paramount, this organization can connect you with an expert advisor.
2.  Certified Financial Planner (CFP): Look for a CFP or CDFA who specializes in debt management or has experience working with clients with gambling-related financial challenges.

Legal experts with expertise in addiction:

1.  Family law attorneys: If you’re getting divorced and may need help negotiating terms with a gambling-addicted spouse, seek out a lawyer who has experience dealing with divorce cases involving addiction issues.
2.  Local bar association: Ask for referrals to attorneys specializing in family law and addiction-related cases.
3.  Legal aid: If you have limited financial resources, consider reaching out to a legal aid society in your area for assistance.

When searching for these resources, carefully review their qualifications, experience, and any reviews or testimonials available. You might also want to consult with multiple professionals to find the best fit for your specific situation.

If you’ve decided to divorce your spouse because of a gambling addiction, there may be some unique financial and emotional complexities to address as part of your divorce process. At Hello Divorce, we offer legal advice and professional services to help you make the right decisions for yourself and your family. Schedule a free phone call to understand your options. 

References