- How does online divorce mediation work?
- Benefits
- Disadvantages
- How long does online divorce mediation take?
- Cost
- Are you a good candidate?
- FAQ
- How to Prepare for Online Divorce Mediation
Before the COVID-19 pandemic, few people had online meetings. When things locked down, everything changed. In December 2019, 10 million people participated in a Zoom video call. In April 2020, 300 million people did. Now, it's the standard way to meet, conduct interviews, and have appointments.
Online technology has changed everything about how we communicate, including how couples handle divorce mediation.
In standard divorce mediation, couples come together with a professional in a conference room to discuss divorce issues. In an online divorce mediation, couples use their computers, tablets, or phones to participate in the meeting instead.
How does online divorce mediation work?
Mediation keeps decisions in the hands of the couple, not judges and lawyers. Spouses are in control of decisions, but the mediator guides the process.
Planning starts the online divorce mediation. The professional tells both parties which online portal they'll use for the discussion. Some teams use Zoom, others use Google meeting tools, and others use custom platforms. If you must download a special application to participate, your mediator will tell you that far in advance, and you’ll have time to get set up appropriately.
When the mediation begins, these steps are typical:
- Log in: The mediator and both parties join the meeting. You do not have to be in the same room as anyone else participating in the mediation. You can choose a spot that's safe and comfortable for you.
- Introduction: The mediator explains how the meeting will work. Some mediators use a mute button, ensuring that only one person speaks at a time. If your mediator uses this rule, you'll know about it in advance.
- Positioning: Each couple explains what they want in response to a given issue. The mediator looks for similarities and differences.
- Negotiation: The mediator helps both parties come together. Sometimes, the mediator has side conversations with both parties to bring them closer to an agreement.
- Resolution: Mediators draw up written agreements both parties can sign and file with the courts.
Online divorce mediation works much like an in-person version. Technology is the main differentiator.
What are the benefits of online divorce mediation?
Plenty of people never thought they'd log into a meeting on a device like a computer or a tablet. But many professionals believe online meetings are the best thing to come out of 2020.
Known online divorce mediation benefits include the following:
- More control: Many in-person meetings are dominated by one person who interrupts, argues, and yells. An online format allows the mediator to mute everyone who doesn't have the floor at the moment.
- Fewer triggers: Sitting across the table from your spouse isn't easy. An online format allows you to see the other on video, and some don't use a video option at all, allowing you to just hear a voice.
- Enhanced security and comfort: You might feel uncomfortable in a conference room. You can handle an online divorce mediation from anywhere, including your couch or bed. You can pick a spot that makes you feel safe, secure, and powerful.
- No travel required: Some couples move to new cities as soon as they split up. Online divorce mediation can happen from any city you call home, with no commute required. This saves time and money that would be spent on travel.
What are the disadvantages of online divorce mediation?
Online meetings are easier to schedule and conduct than in-person versions, but they do come with some drawbacks.
Known disadvantages of online divorce mediation include the following:
- More distractions: Doorbells, barking dogs, and demanding children can interrupt your call and the conversation at inopportune moments.
- Poor connectivity: If your home doesn't have a strong internet connection, it could be hard to hold a meeting without losing the signal and inadvertently dropping the call.
- More interruptions: You could experience a hitch or glitch in the technology during important parts of the conversation. It can be hard to regain your momentum after you lose it.
- Fewer opportunities to connect: If you can't sit in the same room with your partner, you can't always learn how to talk with your partner collaboratively. If you share children, you may need these skills down the road.
Not sure if mediation will work for you?
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How long does online divorce mediation take?
Most mediation meetings take at least a few hours. If you have plenty of things to discuss, and you struggle to collaborate with your partner in any meeting format, your meeting could take longer.
Some teams split the mediation process into multiple sessions. But if you can work quickly and collaboratively, this process could be over within a few hours.
How much does online mediation cost?
Mediation costs vary. If you're working with a skilled practitioner with lots of experience, you can expect to pay more than you would if you worked with another provider.
But you will spend less on online mediation than in-person versions. Your team won't need to rent a room, schedule travel, or otherwise tackle costs associated with an in-person conversation.
Are you a good candidate for online divorce mediation?
If you're comfortable with technology and worried about seeing your partner in person, an online divorce mediation process could be right for you. Your participation could help you end your marriage amicably in a reasonable amount of time.
But if you'd like to work on communication skills or you already collaborate with your partner easily, an in-person meeting could be a better option.
Watch: Your Top Divorce Mediation Questions, Answered by Erin Levine
FAQ
What is online divorce mediation?
Online mediation is a virtual process where a neutral mediator helps you and your spouse reach agreements—from dividing assets to creating a parenting plan—through video calls. It’s less expensive, less stressful, and more flexible than going to court.
Is online mediation legally binding?
It becomes legally binding once your agreements are put into a written Marital Settlement Agreement and approved by a judge. Most mediators can help you get to that point and even file for you.
How is it different from in-person mediation?
The format is different (video vs. office), but the outcomes and confidentiality are the same. Some people find it easier to stay calm and focused online than in a shared room.
Can we use mediation even if we don’t agree on everything?
Yes. You don’t need to have it all figured out. In fact, many couples come in stuck on one or two issues. A good mediator can help you get unstuck.
Do I need a lawyer during mediation?
Not always. Some people consult with a lawyer before or after mediation to understand their rights or review the agreement. Others only hire a lawyer if they hit a legal snag.
What does it cost?
Online mediation is typically much more affordable than litigation. Hello Divorce offers flat-rate options, and you’ll know the price upfront.
Is the process private?
Yes. Mediation is confidential. Nothing you say in session can be used in court, and the sessions are never recorded without your consent.
How to Prepare for Online Divorce Mediation
Choose a mediator and book a session
Find a qualified mediator with experience in virtual divorce mediation. Hello Divorce can match you with someone who fits your needs and goals.
List your priorities and concerns
Write down what’s most important to you—your parenting schedule, support amounts, housing, or debt division. Also note what you’re willing to compromise on.
Gather financial and parenting information
Before mediation, pull together pay stubs, account statements, a list of debts and assets, and—if you have children—a draft parenting calendar or notes.
Set up your tech and space
Find a quiet, private space with reliable internet. Log into Zoom (or your chosen platform) a few minutes early to check your camera, microphone, and lighting.
Stay open and solution-focused
You don’t have to agree on everything. But if you come to the table ready to listen and problem-solve, you’re more likely to reach agreements that stick.
Review and finalize the agreement
Once you’ve reached consensus, your mediator will help draft or review your Marital Settlement Agreement. You can then file it with the court for final approval.
Pro Tip: Mediation works even better when both spouses come in knowing what matters most to them—and where they’re willing to bend. Hello Divorce helps you prep for that conversation before you even book your session.
References
Zoom Video Communications Daily Meeting Participants Worldwide from 2019 to 2020. (August 2022). Statista.Mediation. State of Oregon Judicial Department.
Ten Reasons Why Virtual Meetings Are the Best Thing to Happen in 2020. (July 2020). Forbes.
The Disadvantages of Online Meetings. (December 2021). Chron.
Frequently Asked Questions. Office of Dispute Resolution, Colorado Springs.
