Setting Ground Rules for Your Co Parenting Plan

• 5 golden rules of co-parenting
• It’s about the kids, not us
• The kids are always watching 
• The kids should never have to choose sides
• Communicate, communicate, communicate
• We’ll get help if we need it

In most aspects of life, establishing a set of rules provides a framework for consistency. Your co-parenting relationship with your former spouse is likely to benefit from such ground rules.

Why establish co-parenting ground rules?

It may seem odd to suddenly establish rules for something you and your ex-spouse have already been doing for a while. But if you’re newly divorced, you’ve never parented in quite this way before. You are a team, yet due to the circumstances of your divorce, there may be a wedge between you.

Setting up ground rules can help you keep your kids at the forefront while protecting your own mental health as you deal with your ex. The potential for miscommunication and conflict diminishes when rules are in place.

These rules can help foster respect (or at least good behavior) between co-parents. They reinforce the notion that although your romantic relationship has ended, your roles as cooperative parents continue. 

These rules act as a beacon, guiding your actions and decisions. They serve as a reminder that your primary focus should be on what’s best for your children: their happiness, stability, and overall well-being.

A harmonious co-parenting relationship translates into a more stable, secure environment for your children. Setting up ground rules is one of the simplest steps you can take to safeguard your co-parenting relationship.

5 golden rules of co-parenting

Your rules might be different, but it’s helpful to have a starting point. Here are five golden rules to consider for your co-parenting plan.

1. It’s about the kids, not us

Bitterness, resentment, and anger must be kept separate from your duties as co-parents. Why? Because your children's well-being hinges on it. They need stability, love, and reassurance, and that's where your focus should lie.

In the heat of a moment when you feel like your anger or resentment might take over, remember this rule. It can be a valuable compass, guiding your decisions and actions. For the good of your kids, it can help you set aside your thoughts about who “won” the divorce or who was wronged.

2. The kids are always watching 

If you have kids, you already know this. They’re watching you. They see the way you interact with your ex-spouse. How you handle disagreements. Based on what they see, they interpret your attitude in their context. What they conclude from their observations shapes their perceptions and responses to the world around them.

Behave in a way you'd like your children to beahve. Show respect, even when it's hard. Exercise patience, even when you're pushed. Communicate effectively, even when it's easier not to. 

The kids need to see that even though mom and dad aren't married anymore, they're still a parenting team. This reassures them that there is stability amid the tough changes.

3. The kids should never have to choose sides

Children thrive on love and stability. They need both parents in their lives, providing guidance, support, and affection. When forced to choose sides, they bear an unnecessary burden, one that can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and confusion.

Consider your child's relationship with their other parent to be separate from your relationship with your ex-spouse. Because it is. Your child has the right to love and be loved by both parents without fear of hurting anyone.

Avoid badmouthing your ex-spouse in front of them. Keep adult issues between adults.

4. Communicate, communicate, communicate

In the realm of co-parenting, communication is king. It’s the golden thread that weaves together a functional, effective co-parenting plan. It's not merely a suggestion; it's a necessity.

So, what does good communication look like? It's regular, consistent, and clear. You will need to discuss schedules, share updates about your children's lives, and work hard at staying on the same page regarding your parenting strategies. You will need to listen as much as you do speak.

Effective communication doesn't mean you have to be best friends with your ex. But you will need to put personal differences aside and focus on the task at hand: parenting your children.

5. We’ll get help if we need it

When disagreements arise or communication breaks down, it's wise to seek help. A mediator, counselor, or even a family law expert can provide perspective, guidance, and practical solutions.

Think of it as calling in reinforcements, not admitting defeat. Parenting is an important job, and you must equip yourself with the right tools for the job. Sometimes, the expertise of professionals is required.

If the going gets tough, get help. It's not a sign of weakness. It’s a testament to your commitment to your children.

Hello Divorce is here to support you. Check out our co-parenting worksheet guide, which can help you and your ex-spouse work through some of the challenges. If you need additional help, like finding a mediator or brainstorming how to develop a co-parenting plan that works for your family, reach out to us to schedule a free 15-minute call.