- Does childlessness affect marriage?
- How many marriages are childless?
- Divorce rate and childlessness
- Why do some couples choose to be child-free?
- FAQ
A couple’s decision to have kids – or even marry, for that matter – is no longer a given. In fact, the decision to remain childless has become increasingly popular with books, online communities, and podcasts dedicated to the joys of living a child-free life.
Many couples are realizing the decision to never have children makes more sense for their lifestyle. But does that decision lead to a healthier marriage, or not?
How does childlessness affect marriage?
For the majority of couples, having kids is still part of the natural progression after marriage.
But with adult goals like buying a house, pursuing higher education, building a career, and taking time to travel and pursue interests, adding on yet another goal – raising and funding a child for 18+ years – can seem daunting, and some couples opt to skip it.
Do couples who consciously decide not to have kids regret their decision as they get older? New research says not really. These studies find that couples who remain child-free by choice are usually happy with their decision decades later. In fact, these studies showed that individuals who went on to become parents were more likely to show some regret about their choice later in life.
What percentage of marriages are childless?
So, how many American married couples are childless today? According to the last U.S. Census, the number is growing: There was a 7% increase in households without kids over previous Census figures.
Similarly, Pew Research found that 44% of childless Americans between 18 and 49 said they were unlikely to go on and have kids. That’s up from 37% who said the same thing in 2018. Of these respondents, 56% said they simply didn’t want kids (as opposed to other reasons).
Divorce rate and childlessness
Do couples without children head to divorce court in higher numbers than ones who have kids? Research is mixed.
Although some older studies suggested that childless couples might have had a slightly higher rate of divorce than married couples with children, there's nothing to indicate this now. Divorce rates vary widely, and there are many factors considered in a couple’s decision to divorce, including whether they have children.
Childless divorce
Divorce is challenging whether you have kids or not. But for childless couples, factors such as custody and child support are removed from the equation.
When childless couples divorce, most of their issues center on their own emotional and financial problems, such as how they’ll divide their property or if one person believes they deserve spousal support. When divorcing couples have children, custody and child support can become highly contentious issues.
Why do some couples choose to be child-free?
Parenthood isn’t for everyone, and couples who choose to remain childless do so for a variety of reasons.
- They don’t have the desire to become parents. Or, being a pet parent is enough.
- They value their freedom and autonomy.
- They value having time and expendable income to pursue travel and other interests.
- They want to focus on their careers.
- They’re concerned about the environment and policies and don’t want to bring a child into today’s problems.
- They didn’t have a good childhood of their own and may even question their ability to parent well.
- They’re concerned about their emotional and financial readiness for children.
- Fertility or other health issues would have made pregnancy difficult, risky, or expensive.
What are the benefits of being childless?
The decision not to have children has some obvious benefits, both to individuals and couples.
- Time and freedom: Couples who choose to remain childless have more time for each other, their careers, travel, and hobbies.
- Financial benefits: Kids are expensive. Without the financial responsibility of raising children, child-free couples have more freedom to invest financially in experiences and other personal interests.
- The ability to focus on their relationship: The absence of children allows both partners to focus on each other and the quality of their marriage without the distraction of parenting.
The bottom line is that there are benefits and drawbacks to having kids, and there is no one way to have a happy and fulfilled life. Communicating and understanding each other’s parenting priorities ensures that couples will make decisions that they both will be satisfied with long-term.
FAQ about child-free couples
Are couples who are childless still considered a family?
“Family” is defined in many different ways today. Because family is a bond and commitment between individuals, couples with or without children constitute a family.
What if one spouse ends up wanting kids?
Having kids is a huge responsibility. Serious discussions about having kids should occur before the wedding. In fact, this topic is frequently covered in premarital counseling.
But what if one person changes their mind? Try to get to the heart of each person’s feelings. Why does one person want kids? Why does the other person not want kids? For example, if financial concerns are preventing one spouse from wanting children, it may be possible that a financial expert could help them get a “big picture” idea of how to handle the expense.
But sometimes, it’s not so easy to find a middle ground about a big issue like this. If that’s the case, it might be the time to get the assistance of a couples’ therapist. This specialist can help the couple have meaningful and respectful discussions about the matter.
What happens if we get pregnant by accident?
Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be an uncomfortable situation when a couple has agreed not to have kids. Both partners will need to consider their options and discuss how to handle the matter, respecting each other’s feelings and perspectives.
While parenthood isn’t for everyone, choosing to remain child-free is a decision that can have a significant impact on a marriage, especially when partners disagree on whether to have kids. Like any decision made within the context of marriage, deciding to have kids (or not) should be done with careful consideration and mutual respect and understanding.
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References
Development of Relationship Satisfaction Across the Life Span: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. (2021). American Psychological Association.MSU study confirms: 1 in 5 adults don’t want children – and they don’t regret it later. (April 5, 2023). Michigan State University, MSU Today.
Growing share of childless adults in U.S. don’t expect to ever have children. (November 19, 2021). Pew Research Center.
