How Long Does It Take to Meet a New Partner after Divorce?
- Wishing for a companion after divorce
- Timeline: unknown
- If you’re eager to meet someone new
- 4 clarifying questions to ask yourself
- If you're not ready for a new relationship
For some people, the desire to find a new partner after divorce is urgent and strong. If you're one of these people, you may be wondering how long you will have to wait before meeting a new partner. Of course, you don't know for sure. No one can predict the future. Still, if it's something on your mind, it's something worth thinking about.
Wishing for a companion after divorce
You made it. You survived the divorce process and have started the exciting (and sometimes daunting) task of building a new life for yourself. You’ve developed a new routine and created a new space for yourself, and you’re feeling stronger and more independent than ever before.
You’re also feeling lonely.
The time alone has been good for you, but you miss romantic companionship. How long will it take to find a relationship that fulfills you in this new, improved life of yours?
Timeline: unknown
We're here to remind you of something you may not want to hear, but it's true. Be patient – there’s no timeline. As the famous release by Motown's Supremes (and later covered by Phil Collins) goes, “You can’t hurry love.”
What we do know is, that the more focused you’ve been on yourself – developing self-understanding and taking care of your well-being – the better prepared you’ll be to find the right person.
Your divorce brought with it a roller coaster of emotions and changes. Perhaps you’re not only living alone for the first time in a while, but you’re also discovering new things about yourself and renegotiating what you’re willing to accept for your future. This includes what you’re looking for in a new partner.
The most important thing to consider before looking “out there” for someone new is to make sure you’ve looked “inside” and figured out exactly what you want and need.
If you’re eager to meet someone new
It’s natural to want to share your life with someone, especially if you’ve lived for years in a relationship with someone else. But before you jump back into the dating scene or a new relationship, know that pausing to understand yourself and your needs can impact the health and quality of your new partnerships.
- Heal from your divorce. If you jump into a new relationship without first taking the time to process and heal, you risk carrying unresolved issues and wounds into the relationship.
- Consider where you are. After your divorce, your goals and wants may have shifted. What lessons did you learn from your marriage? What are you looking for in a partner? What are your big non-negotiables this time around?
- Break unhealthy patterns. Your reasons for divorce were unique to you and your ex-partner. Regardless, the break-up offered you a chance to learn from mistakes (yours and theirs) and make healthy changes for the better. Are there any old relationship patterns that should be addressed before you can make good decisions for future partnerships?
- Rely on yourself for your self-worth. Don’t count on outside relationships to make you feel good about yourself. Looking for someone else to complete you puts you on an uneven footing in any relationship, and this sort of unrealistic mindset can set you up for attachments to the wrong people.
Read: Recovering and Healing from Divorce Grief
4 clarifying questions to ask yourself
The four bullet points above may seem like a tall order. Indeed, there is a lot of work to be done, internally and externally, in a divorce. We're here to remind you that you can do it. Give yourself the time and the resources you need.
Here are some clarifying questions to ask yourself. The encourage self-reflection, and self-reflection can help you make sure any new relationship decision is well-considered and non-reactive. Understanding your fears and motivations for looking for a new romantic partner is helpful before you head into the world of dating.
Are you afraid of being alone?
Humans are hard-wired for connection, and many people struggle with being alone. But after an emotionally significant life event like a divorce, this alone time allows you to get your bearings and rediscover who you are as an individual. Once you’re comfortable with yourself, you can find someone who enhances that sense of comfort.
Is your need for partnership habitual?
If you were married for a long time, being in a partnership may feel natural to you. In fact, you may be so used to being part of a couple that being an individual feels unnatural and uncomfortable. However, acting on your urgency to fill that void could cause you to accept the wrong people into your life.
Are you looking to validate your worth?
During your divorce, your self-esteem and confidence may have taken a hit. You may be feeling less valuable and desirable as a result.
However, finding someone new in order to make yourself feel attractive and desirable again puts your sense of worthiness in someone else’s hands. And a mindset like that can lead you to make relationship choices that don’t serve your best interests.
Are you trying to escape uncomfortable emotions?
Jumping into a new relationship is often just an escape from the overwhelm and discomfort of divorce, and it could set the stage for old mistakes to repeat themselves. Letting yourself grieve your losses and work through your emotions is essential for healing.
When will you be ready for a new partner? Only you will know. The time may be right when you’re clear on what you want from a relationship, when you’re willing to take the dating process slowly, and when you feel you can start something new without lugging around unresolved divorce bitterness.
New love can be exciting and exhilarating, especially after a messy divorce. But taking the time necessary to heal and understand your needs ensures that a new relationship will endure past the initial passion.
If you're not ready for a new relationship
What if you're at the opposite end of this spectrum: You're single and loving it, and you're not at all ready to date. Maybe you've even entertained the possibility of staying single permanently ... and maybe you like that idea.
Accept your feelings, wherever they're at. Not only is divorce a journey, but life itself is a journey.
Give yourself the patience and self-love to accept this journey and make the most of it. After all, you are your only permanent travel companion.
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At Hello Divorce, we’re here to support you through your divorce journey and beyond, into your new post-divorce life. Connect with us on Instagram or Facebook, or schedule a free call to learn more about us and our services.
