Imagine you're working with John, a dedicated team member known for his infectious enthusiasm and commitment to excellence. Recently, however, you've noticed a change in his demeanor. His once vibrant presence has dimmed, and his performance seems to suffer. After a private conversation, he reveals that he's going through a divorce.
You may have experienced divorce yourself, or perhaps you've witnessed its impact on someone close to you. Either way, you understand the toll it can take and you want to help John navigate this difficult time while maintaining a respectful distance.
When someone at work goes through the divorce process, it can be challenging to know how to support them without crossing boundaries. Social media has made our world even more interconnected, which can blur the lines between professional and personal lives.
This gives us all the more reason to make sure we approach these situations with sensitivity and respect. But how?
Ways to support a co-worker
In navigating the turbulent waters of divorce, support from colleagues and friend groups at work can be a lifeline. Here are some ways you can extend your hand to a co-worker like John, mentioned above.
Offer empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It's about showing genuine concern without being intrusive. Start by acknowledging John's situation? "John, I heard about your divorce, and I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm here if you want to talk."
Remember, it's not about offering advice or solutions – unless asked for – it’s about providing a safe space for John to express his feelings if he chooses to.
Provide a distraction
While it's important to acknowledge John's situation, it's equally important to help him remember life outside his current predicament. Organize a friend group lunch or casual team outing just for fun and relaxation. The goal isn't to make him forget his troubles; it’s to offer a breather, a moment of normalcy amidst the chaos. However, be sensitive to his mood. If he seems uninterested or uncomfortable, don't push it.
Offer to help with tasks
Divorce can be mentally and physically draining, often affecting a person's work performance. If you notice John struggling with his workload, offer assistance. It could be helping with a report, covering for him in a meeting, or even non-work-related tasks like running an errand or offering to babysit. This gesture can go a long way in easing his stress. But remember, the aim is to help, not take over. Respect his space and capability.
Check in regularly
Regular check-ins can be a powerful way to show your emotional support. These don't have to be long, drawn-out conversations. They can be simple, brief interactions to let John know you're there for him. A quick "How are you doing today, John?" or "Just wanted to see how you're holding up" can go a long way.
These check-ins serve two purposes. They show John that he has a consistent support system, and they allow him to open up if he wants to. However, these check-ins mustn't become invasive, overbearing, or tinged with unsolicited advice. Keep them casual and pressure-free.
Ways to support an employee
As an employer or manager, your role in supporting an employee going through a divorce like John is crucial. Your approach can significantly affect their ability to cope and maintain productivity.
Convey acceptance
First, convey acceptance. Let John know that his personal situation does not change how you view his professional capabilities. Express this openly: "John, I want you to know that we value your contributions here, irrespective of what's happening in your personal life."
This reassurance can help ease any fears he might have about job security, allowing him to focus on navigating his personal challenges.
Be patient
Patience, as an employer, means understanding that John's performance might suffer temporarily. It involves giving him the space to work through his emotions without the added pressure of work-related stress. Avoid piling on additional responsibilities during this time, and provide constructive feedback that focuses on solutions, not problems.
Provide flexibility
Flexibility is key when supporting an employee going through a divorce. This could mean allowing John to adjust his work schedule, work from home, or even take some time off for legal tasks, therapy, or self-care. Understand that he may have court dates, meetings with lawyers, or moments when he simply needs a break.
By offering flexibility, you show John that you care about his well-being, and you facilitate a more manageable work-life balance during this challenging time.
Keep things confidential
Respect John's privacy by keeping his personal information confidential. Unless he shares his situation with others, it's not your place to do so. If he confides in you, it's because he trusts you. Betraying that trust can add to his stress and damage your professional relationship.
At Hello Divorce, we understand the divorce process in and out. We’ve seen many people go through it, and while no two people experience it the same way, we know it helps to have acquaintances and close friends who support you during this hard time.
To read more about how to act toward a co-worker or employee during their divorce process, read our article, The Good Friend’s Guide to Helping a Friend during Divorce.
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