No One Divorces the Same Way: How to Stop Comparing Yours to Others

In the midst of a divorce, it is only natural to compare your own relationships to others. How we perceive others' divorces can create a measuring stick for our own and during this time, it's natural to feel insecure. After all, you've just made a major change to your life. But now is where the real work comes in: It's when we begin creating a new life that fits where you are right now.

In creating this new version of yourself, you have the opportunity to really look inward and make a conscious decision: Will your next stage be built on confidence, self-love, and self-improvement, or will you focus your energy on what you have lost or how you compare to others who have gone through the divorce journey?

I hope you'll choose to put yourself first – that you remember you are worthy – and you'll make it less about your ex or the "shoulds " ("I should feel be over him/her by now." "I should lose 10 pounds before I put myself out there again.") But this is no easy task, especially if we are feeling less stable and more susceptible to what people think. This is why I've outlined five ways you can make the best of your divorce while staying true to yourself.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Today, it's so easy to compare ourselves to others, especially with social media tricking us into thinking everyone is having more fun than us. Stop measuring your divorce and placing yourself on a scale based on others' experiences. Remember, social media is simply a highlight reel; it's not real life. Even if you perceive the situation to be similar, those people have their own formula of life situations and conflicts that you know nothing about that may have factored into their divorce.

Focus on what matters

Just because someone you know began to hit the nightclub scene after a divorce doesn't mean you have to. Maybe a perfect night for you involves a long, bath and reading a book. And when you're ready, maybe you'll find someone else who will want to partake in your brand of enjoyment.

Remind yourself you want this

When you see others whose relationships seem like they're straight out of a storybook, it's tempting to feel like maybe you made a mistake. Remind yourself why the relationship wasn't working to begin with, and know that you made the right decision for yourself.

Make more time for yourself

Those people who you see traveling the world and living their best life? This could be you! Engage and enlighten yourself with things you "did not have time for " when you were married. You have the time to do them now! The art class you have been wanting to try? The club your spouse never wanted to hit up? Go! Explore!

Educate yourself

Get informed about the divorce law and contingencies in your state. Every state has different laws to be followed. Of course, be discriminating with the source of the information you find. Not all websites are created equally. That said, there's some really good information out there (Hello Divorce included!) You might wander into something of use for your future relationship or something that might help your current divorce situation.

Getting divorced might suck, but being divorced doesn't have to be. Staying true to yourself will help you navigate these unchartered waters with ease.

Contributing Writer

Vikki Ziegler, ESQ is a multi-layered talent. With over 22 years experience assisting couples through divorce, not only is she a highly skilled attorney, but has developed a unique approach to divorce management. 

Using her professional and personal experiences, Ziegler has developed extremely helpful sets of resources for couples in every stage. 

Her concrete pre-martial tips help couples avoid the pitfalls that can lead to divorce, while her step-by-step impact-management guide prevents emotional and financial devastation in the midst of divorce.

Her career has taken her around the world, where she has appeared on hundreds of television shows and radio programs to share her expertise. She has spent over 2 decades advocating an end to the stigmatization of divorce in hopes of helping couples embrace the aspects of empowerment and maintaining dignity.

Ziegler is co-founder and partner of Ziegler, Resnick & Epstein, LLC. She is author of The Pre-Marital Planner: A Complete Legal Guide to a Perfect Marriageand owner of Lavish, her line of designer perfume.