It's a question I hear a lot: "Do I need to meet with a divorce lawyer or coach before I begin mediation with my spouse?"
Short answer: yes.
And here's why (in less than two minutes):
Quick listen: CEO Erin Levine explains why it's a good idea to consult with a lawyer or coach before mediation.
You don't need to keep a coach or lawyer on retainer, but you should get advice from a trained, trusted professional. You're about to unwind the biggest financial contract of your life, and you'll want to do it correctly. Remember: we're (always) here to help!
Learn how we help with mediation, or book time right now with a Hello Divorce legal coach in as little as 30-minute increments.
FAQ
Do I have to meet with a divorce lawyer before mediation?
No. It isn’t required in most places. Many people start mediation without hiring a lawyer and bring in a consulting attorney later for strategy or final review.
Why might a brief legal consult help before mediation?
A short consult clarifies your rights, likely outcome ranges, and deal-breakers. You’ll negotiate with more confidence and fewer surprises.
Will meeting a lawyer first make things more adversarial?
Not by itself. Limited-scope advice can actually support a settlement-first approach by giving you realistic expectations and options.
Can we still mediate if one spouse has a lawyer and the other doesn’t?
Yes. Mediation can proceed either way. Either spouse can add a consulting lawyer at any time, including for a quick review before signing.
What does the mediator do—and not do?
A mediator is neutral. They facilitate solutions and provide legal information but don’t represent either spouse or give individualized legal advice.
What should I bring to mediation if I skip a lawyer consult?
A one-page financial snapshot, recent pay stubs and tax returns, statements for bank/retirement/debts, and a list of goals for kids, housing, and budget.
Is a lawyer required to finalize our mediated agreement?
No, but having a lawyer review the draft for enforceability is common. A professional can also convert your MOU into court-ready forms.
When is it smart to talk to a lawyer before mediation?
If there are safety concerns, complex assets or business interests, high-conflict dynamics, or relocation questions with kids.
How can I keep costs down if I do consult a lawyer?
Use limited-scope services, arrive prepared with documents and questions, and ask for flat-fee review or strategy sessions.
Who drafts the paperwork if we reach agreement?
Your mediator may draft a Memorandum of Understanding. A lawyer or document service can prepare the judgment and any follow-on orders (like QDROs).
How to Decide Whether to Meet a Divorce Lawyer Before Mediation
Clarify your goals and non-negotiables.
Write what matters most—kids’ stability, budget, housing—and note any timelines or safety concerns that affect process choice.
Assess complexity and risk.
Flag business interests, retirement accounts that may need QDROs, home buyouts or sales, relocation issues, or special needs for children.
Choose your support level.
Decide whether to mediate without counsel, book a one-time legal strategy consult, or plan for a final legal review only.
Prepare your information.
Build a simple financial snapshot, gather recent statements, and outline current routines and proposed parenting schedules.
Set ground rules that keep mediation productive.
Agree on respectful communication, information sharing, confidentiality, and timelines for decisions and follow-ups.
Plan the path from agreement to judgment.
Decide who will draft the MOU and court forms, when legal review happens, and how you’ll handle follow-on items like QDROs, deeds, and beneficiary updates.
Friendly note: Laws and procedures vary by state. A brief limited-scope consult can help you choose the right support level without shifting to full representation.
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