- Divorce and your child’s academic performance
- How to help kids succeed in school during divorce
- FAQ
- Concluding thoughts
- References
When parents get divorced, do their kids’ grades suffer?
Quite possibly. It's no secret that divorce can disrupt every aspect of life. For a school-aged child, it can be tough to focus on homework and grades amid such an upheaval, which may involve fighting parents, a changed home base, and possibly even a new school.
Divorce and your child’s academic performance
Research has highlighted the possibility of children of divorce undergoing tangible setbacks at school. But you probably didn’t need a research study to tell you that if you have kids traveling your divorce journey with you.
Naturally, you want to help your kids do well in all aspects of their lives, including school. And you don’t want your divorce to get in the way of that. Acknowledging the potential for divorce stress to affect their academic achievement is the first step. Now, let’s explore exactly what you can do to help your kids do well in school.
How to help kids succeed in school during divorce
Children need an environment conducive to learning, consistency, and unwavering support. How do you provide this? Here are some ideas.
Create a consistent study area, and enforce regular study times
Try to keep your kids’ study environment and routine as consistent as possible. At each home (assuming they are splitting their time between you), create a quiet space for them to do their homework. Align with your co-parent on study times to reinforce structure. (For example, do the kids get to their homework right after school? Do they have a snack first and then start working? Do they wait until after dinner to open their books?)
Consistency across households will help your kids feel like their routine hasn’t changed. And, your efforts to make studying a priority show them that your commitment to their education stands firm.
Have an open dialogue with school personnel
If you’re comfortable with it, reach out to a teacher or counselor at your child’s school to tell them what’s going on in your child’s life. When school professionals know about stressors in their students’ lives, they are often more able (and likely) to help the kids at school.
Teachers can be allies in identifying shifts in behavior and performance, too. If a teacher notices something significant about your child’s academic or social behavior – and they know what your child is going through in their personal life – they are more likely to reach out to you.
What’s more, there might be special programs, academic help sessions, or counseling services that your child can benefit from. You'll only know if you ask.
Focus on emotional support over punishment
Be an adult your child can lean on, not one they walk on eggshells around. Encourage dialogue about their feelings without casting judgment. Studies show children who feel supported emotionally perform better academically. Divorce can be isolating for a kid; make sure your child knows their feelings are valid and important.
And, if their grades start to suffer in the wake of your divorce, approach the topic with empathy rather than anger or punishment. Divorce is hard on everyone. Your child may appreciate your comforting words. Or, they may not react well to your attempts at communication. But no matter what, they will hear your supportive words and see your caring face. That means a lot.
Create a comprehensive support system for your child. Think of it as building a fortress around your child's educational success. This includes you, the co-parent, extended family members, and yes, even friends and neighbors.
Keep education a priority
Ensure your child understands that despite what's happening at home, their learning takes precedence. Set the expectation, model the behavior, and celebrate educational achievements. The goal is to maintain normalcy in the realm of academics to counterbalance the disruption at home.
Foster independence and responsibility
As their parent, you have the ability to empower your child. Teach them to take charge of their own learning by setting personal goals and managing their time effectively. It builds character and resilience; traits they'll thank you for later in life.
Sometimes, the best way to teach responsibility is to model it. If your child struggles with executive functioning skills like planning and organizing, they’re not alone. Kids are still learning and developing these abilities. You may need to step in and show them methods that helped you get organized when you were in school (a binder with folders, a bulletin board with notes, a calendar with highlighted dates, etc.) That’s okay. Encourage independence, but remember your child is on a journey from complete dependence to (eventually) complete independence.
Encourage stress outlets
Your child needs a stress outlet. All people do. (You too!)
For kids, extracurricular school activities are often accessible and appealing. They offer a reprieve from the stress of school and an outlet for socialization at the same time.
If your child isn’t involved in after-school activities, consider helping them find an exciting new hobby outside of school. Sports, painting, dancing, geocaching, or a computer class at your library – find them something fun that’ll help them feel more relaxed and comfortable in their changing world.
FAQ about kids of divorce and school
How can I discuss the divorce with my child without impacting their academic focus?
The key is honesty paired with reassurance. Address the situation with your child in a straightforward manner. You can’t deny that changes are happening. However, you can assure them that they are your priority.
What should I do if my child's grades drop after the divorce starts?
Don't jump to conclusions or place blame. It's vital to approach this issue with a problem-solving mindset.
You might decide to contact your child’s teachers to discuss any noticeable changes and glean insights. You might consider additional support, such as tutoring. (Note: Professional tutoring can be expensive, but many schools offer peer tutoring or other inexpensive forms of help. You might also check with your local library for homework help resources.)
Performance dips can be temporary as children adapt to new family dynamics.
Are there ways to keep both parents involved in school activities and parent-teacher conferences?
Absolutely. Collaboration is the lifeline of co-parenting. Use tools like shared calendars and parent-teacher conferencing apps where both parents can be informed and participate in discussions about their child's progress.
Schools are increasingly accustomed to accommodating the schedules of divorced parents, so don’t shy away from making your needs known to the school administration.
Conclusion
Navigating a divorce is challenging for any family, but ensuring your child’s academic success during and after this period is crucial for their emotional and intellectual well-being. By maintaining open communication, providing a stable environment, and being actively involved in their education, you can help mitigate the impact of divorce on their academic performance.
Ultimately, by focusing on stability, routine, and emotional support, you can help your child not only maintain but thrive academically through and beyond the challenges of divorce. If you need help during the divorce process, Hello Divorce offers lots of free resources for parents. Check them out here.
Reference
Sondre Aasen Nilsen, Kyrre Breivik, Bente Wold, Kristin Gärtner Askeland, Børge Sivertsen, Mari Hysing, and Tormod Bøe. "Divorce and adolescent academic achievement: Heterogeneity in the associations by parental education." (March 2020).
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