Are You a Slider or Decider in Your Relationship?

• Sliders: Who are they?
• Deciders: Who are they?
• Which are you: slider or decider?
• Staying true to yourself

Are you a slider or a decider in your relationship? What does this even mean?

The terms “sliding” and “deciding” are frequently used in the context of how someone makes important life decisions. And, as you know, harmonious decision-making can be critical to a happy relationship. 

As a couple, you’ll be confronted with many decisions throughout your life together. When will you become committed? Get married? Have kids? Buy a house? A definite connection exists between how a couple makes decisions and their marital health. 

Sliders: Who are these people?

Sliders fly by the seat of their emotions and slide sideways into home plate. They may go along with standard social cues: “I’m 35, and it’s time to settle down.” Or, they may be terrified of commitment in general. They may look at everyone around them and make decisions based on where they think they should be instead of looking at what would enhance their own lives. 

Deciders: Who are these people?

Deciders are researchers who produce spreadsheets and read data – if not literally, then certainly in the figurative sense. These folks want to understand how things fit in the framework of their own life, and they strive to appraise their future outlook with accuracy. Can they afford a relationship, kids, college, or retirement? Do they really want to get married? These are the kinds of questions they deliberate over before marriage.

Characteristics of a slider

Sliders often find themselves coasting along the path of least resistance, especially regarding important life decisions like getting married. They navigate life based on their emotions and their perception of the surrounding social terrain. 

Example: Sliding into marriage

A slider might decide to get married because it feels like the next logical move in a long-term relationship. Or, they might not even give it that much thought. They might simply think it’s time. 

What could go wrong with this approach? Unfortunately, the slider usually doesn’t think in “what could go wrong?” terms. As a result, they may find themselves committed to something without fully appreciating what they’ve gotten themselves into. Is it any wonder that sliders commonly find themselves in divorce court?

Characteristics of a decider

The decider takes a step back and assesses a situation before taking action. They don’t usually make decisions based on external pressures. They weigh all the pros and cons, moving forward only when they feel confident about their decision. 

Example: Deciding to marry 

In a romantic relationship, the decider will consider all factors before deciding to get married. Are they compatible? Do they share values with their partner? Similar goals?

The advantage, of course, is that by thinking things through, decider relationships are generally more harmonious. These folks do their homework first, reducing the risks of pitfalls. There is a potential drawback, though. Deciders can sometimes get stuck in their data-seeking phase without ever achieving the confidence to make that big decision.

Are you a slider or a decider?

Are you a slider who makes impulsive decisions or does things because they’re expected of you? Or are you a decider who gives big life decisions a great deal of thought … perhaps getting stuck in the decision-making process and feeling unable to move?

You might be a slider if:

• You often feel like life ”just happens” to you.
• You look back at your life and think, “How did I end up here?”
• You tend to prioritize your current comfort over long-term plans and the future.
• You make people-pleasing decisions over what would truly make you happier. 

If this sounds like you, it’s okay. After all, the first way to enact change is to pause and understand why you make decisions the way you do. How could making some changes enhance your decision-making process?

You might be a decider if:

• You’re known for your pragmatic view of life.
• You create a list of pros and cons when making a decision.
• You research and seek advice before making big decisions. 
• You consider your personal values and the long-term implications of possible choices.
• For the most part, you feel confident and content with the major choices you’ve made in your life. 

Being methodical and pragmatic is excellent for making big decisions with equally big consequences. However, not all of life’s decisions carry this kind of weight. You might want to weave some spontaneity and heart into your decision-making processes to bring about balance. 

Staying true to yourself

Whether you tend toward the slider or the decider end of the spectrum, the most important thing is that you make decisions that are true to yourself and communicate with a romantic partner who might be affected by them. This way, they can understand where they fit in the decision-making process and voice their own opinions and concerns.

If divorce is in the cards, know that it doesn’t have to be an expensive and contentious affair. At Hello Divorce, we’re committed to making the process easier and more affordable with our online plans, flat-rate attorney and related services, and informational resources. Schedule a free phone call with an account coordinator to learn more about what we offer.