Is Marriage Right for You?
- Should I get married?
- 6 reasons people get married
- Is marriage right for you?
- Alternatives to marriage
- Finding clarity on your decision
Our society is centered around the concept of marital union. It shapes our family and social structures. It promises love, companionship, and security. It promises that we will have someone to rely upon ‘til death do us part, in sickness and in health.
But the truth of the happily-ever-after vision of marriage is that only about half will survive. Even the most compatible married couples will encounter problems, many struggling for years before the marriage ends. And when it does end, it can be financially and emotionally grueling for the couple.
Should I get married?
At its core, a successful marriage signifies a deep commitment between two people who have chosen to weave their lives together. And love, we are told, will conquer all.
Well, it’s easy to romanticize marriage when all you consider is the frothy white dress and tear-inspiring vows. But love isn’t all you’ll need. Once the party is over and the pictures and wedding gifts are put away, you’re left with a complex relationship between two people who grew up in different households with different priorities and different ways of communicating. Suddenly, there are new responsibilities and decisions to make.
In a marriage, compassionate conflict resolution can become as important as any of the words you recited in your vows.
For those who find marriage far more difficult than they imagined, divorce is always an option. But a “quick escape” is an illusion because divorce comes with its own legal challenges – as well as large doses of emotional pain and financial strain.
Considering the realities of marriage, it’s a huge decision. Here are the most common reasons people decide to get married (whether they are wise reasons or not).
Top 6 reasons to get married
The reasons people choose to get married vary as much as the people choosing it. And for each person, their motivation for marriage is often deeply personal.
1. Love and companionship
Love is the bedrock of most marriages. The ability to share your life with someone who understands and cherishes you is what most people aim for when they get married. You want someone you can grow old with, share memories with, and lean on when life gets difficult.
2. Emotional security
Marriage offers a sense of emotional security. When you marry, your partner agrees to stand by your side through the ups and downs of life. For most couples, this strong and loving emotional support is essential to a happy marriage.
3. Financial security
Navigating modern life alone can be lonely – and expensive. When you marry, you pool your financial resources for the benefit of the relationship and support each other through financially lean times.
4. Family and children
Many see marriage as the first step to having children and raising a family. Marriage is not only a couple’s commitment to each other but also to the children they plan to bring into the world.
5. Social validation and recognition
Marriage, for better or worse, gives you clout in the eyes of society. Being “happily married” in our culture suggests you are a responsible and upright person.
6. Legal recognition
Marriage also comes with other important legal rights and obligations. You can file a joint tax return, own property together, make medical decisions for each other in times of emergency, and exercise other legal rights and responsibilities toward each other.
Is marriage right for you?
When considering whether you’re ready – or even want – to get married, asking yourself some important questions could be enlightening.
What does a happy and successful marriage look like to you, and are these expectations realistic? Do you have the financial stability and emotional maturity to enter a married relationship? How well do you communicate and deal with conflict? Do you and your partner agree about the important issues you’ll face as a couple?
What is your motivation for getting married? If love and companionship are your main motivations, have you thought about how you will handle those inevitable less-than-companionable moments? If having a family is your motivation, does your partner have the same family values? Are they on the same page regarding the responsibilities of child-rearing? How do you envision labor and financial responsibility divisions, and does your partner agree?
While the decision to marry is yours, it will affect your future spouse’s and children’s lives, too. Asking yourself these questions and more could conjure up some emotions, but uncomfortable feelings could mean you should give your decision some extra consideration.
Alternatives to marriage
While marriage might be the traditional, expected path, it’s not the only one. You are a unique individual, and so are your relationship needs. Your path should reflect that.
There are alternatives to traditional marriage that may work better with your lifestyle, philosophy, or future aspirations.
Living together
Cohabitation allows you and your partner to share a life without the legal and social confines of marriage. It offers the chance to experience a committed relationship, test compatibility, and make decisions together without the pressure of a legal commitment.
Domestic partnership
Like cohabitation, domestic partnership offers a blend of independence and commitment without the entanglement of marriage. Furthermore, while the federal government doesn’t recognize domestic partnerships, some states and municipalities do offer some legal protections for couples who are in registered domestic partnerships. This varies according to state laws.
Suggested: How to Start and End a Domestic Partnership
Remaining single
Staying single doesn’t mean you have to live a life devoid of companionship and commitment. Remaining single offers autonomy and freedom while you date casually. You can still form meaningful relationships and, if you find the right connection, change your mind about the future of that relationship based on your mutual needs when that time comes.
Polyamory
Polyamory is another non-traditional pathway that allows you to engage in multiple consensual romantic relationships simultaneously. Unlike casual dating or infidelity, it relies on the informed consent of all involved partners and requires honest, open communication and mutual respect.
When it comes to marriage or an alternative, there is no right or wrong. It’s your life, your decision, and ultimately, it’s about what works for you and enhances your well-being.
Finding clarity on your decision to marry
Marriage is a big decision … and not one to make lightly. Here are some ways to gain input on this life-changing decision and gain clarity for yourself.
Talk to family
If you have a family that values open and honest communication, getting their guidance can be a comfortable and insightful approach. You might ask how other married people in your family navigated their decision to marry. What would they have done differently? What surprises were they unprepared for? Would they have done it in the same way, or would they have waited until circumstances were different?
Therapy
Unlike family members, a therapist is trained to provide support and withhold judgment while guiding you through any doubts, fears, and expectations you may have. A trained professional can help you gain a clearer perspective so you can make the right decision. You might even suggest that your partner join you for a few sessions of couples counseling.
Spiritual guidance
Many churches offer premarital counseling. If you follow a religious faith, seeking guidance from a spiritual counselor or the church community can provide insight that aligns with your values and spiritual beliefs.
Self-reflection
One of the most powerful ways to gain clarity is by taking time alone to explore your feelings and expectations about marriage in general and marriage to your partner. Be honest with yourself when confronting your fears and uncertainties to make sure you feel solid about your decision.
Remember, you’re not alone on this marriage path. Millions have gone before you, had the same doubts and fears, and gone on to have successful marriages. At Hello Divorce, we believe that the more guidance, insight, and perspective you have, the more well-prepared you are for success. We support you on your path, wherever it may lead. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook, and make sure to browse our collection of other resources. You’ve got this!
