Does Cheating Affect Your Divorce Settlement?

• How does an affair impact your divorce?
• What damage can it cause?
• What to do if you've been having an affair
• FAQ
• How to Handle Divorce Decisions When Cheating Is Involved
• References

People get divorced for all sorts of reasons. Infidelity is one of them. Data suggest that as many as 50% of married people have cheated at least once while in a committed relationship. Those who cheat could face consequences when it’s time to draw up a divorce settlement. 

In some states, you have the option of proving some kind of fault when you file for divorce. And in many cases, cheating fits the bill. Infidelity could potentially impact the amount you must pay your ex in support. And, if your ex can prove that your affair or related behavior harmed the children in some way, it could also impact your custody arrangement.

How does an affair impact your divorce? 

In every state, you have the option of filing for a no-fault divorce. This means you’re not required to prove any kind of fault to file for divorce. But some states also allow for fault divorce in which you must cite a cause for the split, such as infidelity. Your partner could allege that your infidelity and the harm it caused should affect your marital divorce settlement in some way.

What damage can infidelity cause?

As part of your divorce, you craft a marital settlement agreement (MSA) that spells out details such as spousal support and child cusotdy. An MSA outlines the split of your assets, debts, childcare arrangements, and more. Although you cannot be punished through an MSA for the moral “sin” of an affair, it could still potentially impact your agreement.

What do we mean? In some states, laws allow judges to consider misconduct when awarding spousal support payments. For example, if your ex can prove that you had an affair and that you used marital funds to pay for it, you could be required to pay more money in alimony or spousal support to your ex-spouse. As another example, if your ex can prove that you left your young kids unattended to engage in your affair, that behavior could impact your future custody arrangement.

If both people were unfaithful

What if your spouse was also unfaithful to you? You could fight back by proving that your spouse had an affair as well. If you’re both at fault, the judge may be willing to take this into consideration when determining what’s fair in your settlement agreement.

What should you do if you’re having an affair?

What if you’re heading into a divorce, you’re cheating, and your partner doesn’t know? It’s a tricky scenario, and you must be careful. 

Therapists often encourage their clients to disclose affairs fully, openly, and honestly. The idea is that infidelity is best managed by clear communication and plenty of apologies. 

But therapy sessions aren’t protected forms of communication. Items you disclose in counseling could be used against you during divorce proceedings. If your ex believes notes from your therapy sessions could benefit them in a divorce trial, they could subpoena those records. And if you talk about infidelity, that could cost you during your settlement. 

On the other hand, if you’re heading for divorce and don’t want to reunite with your partner, disclosing your infidelity to people helping you with the split (like a divorce lawyer) could keep you protected. These people could advise you on what to say and do to protect your assets. 

If you're facing divorce and unsure how an affair might affect your divorce process and outcome, consider scheduling a free 15-minute phone call with Hello Divorce. Our knowledgeable team can advise you on what your next steps might be and how to get professional help at a reasonable flat fee rate.

FAQ

Does adultery automatically change property division?
Not automatically. Many states don’t consider fault when dividing property. Courts may adjust outcomes if marital money was spent on the affair—called “dissipation” or “waste.”

Can cheating affect alimony (spousal support)?
It depends on your state. Some consider marital misconduct, especially when there’s financial harm. Others ignore fault unless there’s dissipation. A brief consult in your state will clarify.

Does cheating impact child custody or parenting time?
Only if it affects your child’s best interests—for example, exposing children to unsafe situations, secrecy that disrupts routines, or chronic instability.

Does adultery change child support?
Generally no. Child support is based on income and guideline factors, not fault.

What is dissipation of marital assets?
Using marital money for non-marital purposes—like travel, gifts, or secret rent—especially after the relationship breaks down. Courts can credit the innocent spouse for the wasted amounts.

Are prenup/postnup infidelity clauses enforceable?
Sometimes. Enforceability varies by state and by the clause’s terms and fairness. Get advice before relying on one.

Can I sue the affair partner?
Only a small number of states allow claims like alienation of affection. Most states don’t. Check locally before acting.

How should I gather proof without breaking laws?
Use lawful documents—bank/credit statements, receipts, travel records. Avoid unauthorized access to devices or accounts, keyloggers, or hidden cameras.

Does dating during separation hurt my case?
It can complicate negotiations and may matter if it affects kids or finances. Keep new relationships separate from parenting and spending.

Should I move out right away?
Not without a plan. Leaving can affect logistics and costs. Prioritize safety, then discuss temporary arrangements and finances with a lawyer or mediator.

Do medical or safety issues from the affair matter?
Yes, if they create real costs or risks. Document expenses and follow medical advice; courts focus on concrete impacts.

What should I avoid on social media?
Skip blame and threats. Assume posts, texts, and DMs could be shown in court.

How to Handle Divorce Decisions When Cheating Is Involved

Prioritize safety and stability.
If there’s any risk of harm or coercive control, make a safety plan and consult an advocate or lawyer before you disclose plans or make big changes.

Separate feelings from the legal issues.
Focus on what matters to a court in your state: finances, parenting stability, and compliance with orders.

Document possible dissipation lawfully.
Collect bank and card statements, receipts, and travel records that show affair-related spending. Don’t access private devices or accounts without consent.

Protect accounts and credit.
Update passwords, enable two-factor authentication, and freeze joint cards from new spending if appropriate. Don’t hide or transfer assets improperly.

Choose a process that lowers conflict.
Mediation or a collaborative approach—with consulting counsel—can address dissipation and logistics while keeping emotions in check.

Keep children insulated.
Maintain routines, use neutral exchanges, and keep adult topics out of kid spaces. Courts care about children’s wellbeing, not moral judgments.

Plan communications and social media.
Use short, factual messages, confirm agreements in writing, and avoid posts that escalate conflict or undermine trust.

Create a 30–60 day action plan.
List immediate tasks—consults, disclosures, possible temporary orders—and check progress weekly.

Friendly note: Laws differ widely by state. A 30-minute consult with a local attorney or mediator can explain exactly how adultery, dissipation, and custody standards work where you live—and help you pick the least combative path forward.

Watch: If Your Ex Cheated, Can You Get More Money In Divorce?

References