If you use social media, you’ve probably caught yourself eying other people’s picture-perfect married lives on your phone or computer. And maybe, when you do this, you think about your own life and wonder, ‘Could there be something more than what my current reality offers?’
Maybe yes, maybe no. But one thing is certain: The carefully curated lives and marriages we see on social media never tell the whole story. While you may feel disappointed about missed opportunities in your own life, you can rest assured that the “perfect” lives you see on social media simply don’t exist.
What is FOMO and how does it affect people?
FOMO, or the fear of missing out, has become a glaring by-product of today’s around-the-clock social media news feeds. As social media consumers, we are inundated with up-to-the-minute breaking news about … well, everything great in everyone else’s lives.
When you’re fed with constant highlights from other peoples’ lives – professional accolades, exotic vacations, high-achiever children, new cars and remodeled homes – the natural urge to compare yourself to others can bring you down. You may start to think your own life is drab and uneventful while everyone else is having a grand old time.
You may start to feel inadequate. Envious. Disappointed. As if you are missing out – which is why the term FOMO is so popular.
FOMO when you’re in a relationship
The impact of FOMO can be even more damaging within the context of a relationship. Let’s look at how it might evolve.
Let’s say you go home each day to a quiet marriage. You and your spouse help the kids with homework, drive them to soccer practice, and make dinner. Your conversations revolve around your kids, work, and bills that must be paid. You feel lucky when you get time to yourselves – but your main objective during that time is to catch up on your sleep.
In the meantime, your single friends seem to have no cares in the world. In your feed, you see them going out for drinks, flexing at the gym, shopping for fun. And your married friends? They seem to go through more cash and fun in one weekend than you do in a year.
You’re starting to get FOMO – the feeling that everyone else has it together and is enjoying life more than you. And you may be wondering if you could be happier – like they seem to be – if you were only free of your ho-hum marriage.
Tips: How to fight FOMO
You already know this, but it’s a good reminder: Social media imagery is not a complete depiction of real life.
What’s more, your life is filled with many of the things – good and bad – that naturally come with an authentic life. FOMO can rob you of your contentment when really, there’s nothing wrong with you or your life at all.
Here are some tips on how to fight back at FOMO so it doesn’t ruin your happiness.
Minimize your social media exposure
Social media can be a good place to connect with others, but it’s a double-edged sword. Scrolling through never-ending reels of other people’s picture-perfect lives can make even the most well-adjusted person feel inadequate.
Keep your social media exposure to a minimum. When you do indulge, remind yourself that what you’re seeing is the idealized version of someone’s life, not the reality of it.
Cultivate gratitude
Society encourages us to always strive for bigger, better, more.
Acknowledging and being grateful for what you have can be a powerful antidote to envy and the fear of missing out. When you celebrate what you have, you’re less inclined to feel like you’re settling for less.
Define your priorities
FOMO stems from wanting what others have. But are these really the things you want?
Living according to your priorities and values prevents you from being jealous of someone else’s lifestyle. The grass isn’t necessarily greener over there. It has merely been designed to look that way. If it isn’t consistent with your lifestyle and values, why would you want or need it?
Practice self-compassion
You are not perfect, and neither are those whose social media feeds you follow, despite how perfect they look.
Berating yourself for not living up to an imaginary standard is self-defeating. Recognize your achievements, your worth, and the inevitable missteps that come with being human. Fostering a healthier relationship with yourself makes it less likely that you will fall prey to feelings of FOMO.
Consider therapy
While it’s natural to feel twinges of jealousy over someone else’s life now and then, studies have shown that social media and its by-product, the fear of missing out, have had a damaging effect on the well-being and mental health of modern society.
Jealousy and personal discontent can eat away at your self-esteem and even the very structure of your marriage. When you’re consumed by someone else’s fantasy life, it prevents you from appreciating your own. Therapists are well-versed with the ways that social media has been detrimental to mental health and can offer many tools to counteract FOMO and allow you to see the good in your own life.
When you’re consumed by someone else’s fantasy life, it prevents you from appreciating your own. Read more about embracing your reality with the following blogs:
- Is Social Media Hurting Your Relationship?
- How Do Life Transitions Change Your Identity?
- Why You Can't Compare Your Divorce to Other People’s Divorces
- 3 Reasons Your Marriage Was Not a Failure
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