Signs You and Your Spouse Take Each Other for Granted
When two people tie the knot, it's with the hope that their journey together will be one of mutual respect, understanding, and never-ending support.
But all too often, the daily grind can lead to a severe yet subtle syndrome: the mutual appreciation deficit. This may be more commonly known as taking each other for granted.
5 signs you take your spouse for granted
Here are five signs you may be taking your spouse for granted.
1. You give autopilot responses
You ask, "How was your day?" out of habit rather than genuine curiosity. Or, you always say, “I’m fine,” rather than sharing deeper parts of yourself. Exchanges in conversation are heard but not really listened to. You might do this out of fatigue, stress, or for some other reason. Regardless, the lack of personalization slowly eats away at the intimacy of the marriage.
Impact: When communication grows weak, each person feels unheard and undervalued.
2. You forget to say “thank you” or show appreciation
When people start assuming that certain tasks or favors are due to them as a matter of course, gratitude fades away. 'Please' and 'thank you' are words rarely uttered. Each act of service rendered doesn't register as something to be appreciated. Rather, it’s expected.
Impact: Feeling unappreciated, your spouse may question their worth in your eyes.
3. You forget or downplay special occasions
Remember those first birthdays and anniversaries celebrated with thoughtful gestures and heartfelt messages? If these occasions now pass by with barely a token acknowledgment, consider this a red flag. Forgetting or downplaying significant dates signifies that the milestones that anchor your shared history no longer hold sway.
Impact: Neglecting these special moments sends a message that the history of the relationship is not important, and the future of the relationship is not a priority.
4. You don’t make special time for “us”
Work calls, children's schedules, and even social media can all hijack precious time you could have been spending with your spouse.
If finding time exclusively for each other feels like scheduling a semi-annual dental appointment, it's a sign deserving attention. Without dedicated moments together, intimacy can fade.
Impact: Your spouse might feel like a placeholder in your calendar, leading to feelings of disconnection. The brief, intermittent encounters you do have are not enough.
5. You let the “little things” you used to do slide
Small acts of love such as warming the car on a frosty morning or bringing a cup of coffee to their desk show care and love in a relationship. Skipping out on the little gestures you used to do reveals a creeping coldness.
Impact: Your partner may interpret this inattention as indifference, heightening feelings of emotional isolation within the relationship.
Risks involved
Taking your spouse for granted is like ignoring a check engine light in your car. The longer you ignore it, the more costly it becomes.
There are many risks to a relationship when one spouse takes the other for granted … or when two people take each other for granted. Here are some of the most vital ones.
Emotional neglect
Your partner is not a mind reader, nor are they an emotional punching bag. If you fail to acknowledge their presence and contributions, you could inadvertently instill a sense of invisibility in them. They may begin to question their value not just to you but in the broader scope of their life.
The domino effect
Consider the repercussions on your family unit. Children are intuitive; they perceive nuances of disconnect, learning through osmosis that negligence is acceptable. When you take your spouse for granted, you're not only risking your marital health. You’re also modeling to the next generation how a marriage or partnership should be.
Lasting regrets
If the status quo remains untouched, divorce can become more than a probability; it can become an inevitability. Once you reach the point of no return, the legal complexities of divorce become a reality. Dissolving a marriage isn’t just an emotional endeavor. It's a financial and logistical one as well.
What you can do
- Engage in active listening. It sounds basic, but ask yourself this: Are you really hearing them? Actively listen to your spouse’s concerns, dreams, and everyday banter. Validate their feelings without immediately trying to fix their problems. This shows respect and that you value their perspective.
- Express gratitude consistently. The words “thank you” should not be scarce in your vocabulary. Vocalize your appreciation for both the monumental and the minute favors: the dirty dishes they washed, the light bulb they replaced, the smile they shared. Regular gratitude turns the mundane into the meaningful.
- Plan quality time together. Allocate time exclusively for the two of you. Whether it's a weekly date night or a daily unwinding session, make sure these moments are sacred and free from the clutters of life's demands.
- Surprise each other. Predictability can be the silent killer of romance. Throw a curveball into the routine with a surprise that speaks their love language. A handwritten note, an impromptu picnic, or tickets to that show they've been mentioning are all gestures that shout, “I see you.”
- Seek to serve, not just be served. Instead of asking what your partner can do for you, ask what you can do for them. It encourages a culture of service and mutual support.
- Communicate openly about needs. Transparent conversation about each other's needs is non-negotiable. It avoids the build-up of resentment and keeps you both on the same page about what makes you feel valued.
- Pursue personal growth. Become a better person not just for yourself but also for your partner. Personal development contributes to the health of your relationship by keeping you both stimulated and growing together.
