The INFJ personality is introverted, intuitive, thinking, and perceiving.
INFJs tend to be deeply principled individuals who value personal integrity and altruism. They are unique and creative people who approach life with a sense of purpose that aligns with their values. They strive for perfection and take criticism harshly. They’re also very private people, though they usually have a few deep and treasured relationships.
Tips for handling divorce as an INFJ
Focus on small victories
INFJs tend to be “all or nothing” people who know exactly what they want and intend to accept nothing less. In a divorce situation, this could mean you’re pushing for an ideal settlement and plan to keep pushing until you get it.
But just like marriage, divorce involves compromise. Understand that you are unlikely to get everything you want in your settlement. Look for and celebrate the small victories, reminding yourself that compromise is not something you do for your spouse; it’s something you do to get more of what you want. Ultimately, a peaceful divorce will help you make a peaceful transition to a new and better life.
Ask for and accept help
This is a hard one for INFJs, who don’t want to “burden” others with their needs and problems. But here’s the thing: You need TLC right now. And when you’re hurting, the people who love you want to help. Consider this, too: by asking for or accepting help from someone, you’re giving them a gift.
If a friend offers to bring over dinner, accept it. If a friend asks what you need, have a small grocery list or to-do list ready for them. They’ll walk away feeling good about themselves, and you’ll get a bit of relief from your daily grind.
Help others (with limits)
Because you are so caring and empathetic, one of your greatest joys in life is helping others. In fact, you may feel that helping others is your primary purpose. Don’t deprive yourself of that joy right now. If it makes you feel good to volunteer at the food pantry, do it. If it makes you feel good to counsel a friend through a crisis, do it.
But do put limits on your empathy. Perhaps now more than ever, you need to safeguard your personal energy reserve. The trick is striking a comfortable balance between serving others and taking care of yourself.
Make time for what pleases you
INFJs are intense people who give their absolute all to every aspect of their lives: job, kids, family, and relationships. This makes them exceptionally prone to exhaustion and burnout. And divorce can definitely burn you out! So make time for self-care.
What is self-care? For you, it’s whatever makes you happy. This could mean you go to bed a couple of hours early (and finally get that eight hours you need). It could mean you spend an evening binge-watching your favorite show instead of cleaning the kitchen. Rest and rejuvenate your soul! And check out our self-care worksheet if you need a little inspiration.
Heal your heart
Easier said than done, right? As an INFJ, you are a member of an elite group of highly sensitive people who feel heartbreak to their very core. In fact, you may feel so broken you’re not sure you can heal. So, your job is to find out how to heal. Healing looks different for each person, but make no mistake: it’s a must for you. Even when you feel like you can’t, you must.
Most people cannot heal from such a loss without help. That’s okay. Now may be the time to reach out to a therapist, support group, or even a life coach. Read Who Can Help With My Divorce? for some of our top suggestions.
Recommended reading for INFJs
Divorce is heavy for an INFJ, but you don’t have to do this heavy lifting alone. At Hello Divorce, we provide multiple membership options to suit different needs. We’re also constantly curating our rich library of free resources, including worksheets, checklists, webinars, and informative articles to help clients survive and thrive as they enter their next chapter.