Divorce Survival Tips for ESTJ Personality Types

The ESTJ personality is extroverted, sensing, thinking, and judging.

ESTJs are born leaders who feel energized by their interactions with others. Honesty and sensibility are highly prized personal traits, as is the ESTJ’s affinity for helping and supporting the people around them. They expect a lot from others because they give a lot to others.

Learn about the Myers-Briggs test and the other 15 personality types.

Tips for handling divorce as an ESTJ

Try to see things from your ex’s point of view

Some ESTJs are prone toward a “my way or the highway” stance when it comes to interpersonal issues. Find a time when you’re feeling calm and relaxed to take a step back. Think about the issues that “set you off” from your ex’s point of view. Try to imagine your ex’s thought processes and feelings with curiosity, not judgment. 

Understanding your ex’s point of view may not fully resolve your issues, but it may bring you closer to a little peace and compromise.

Show appreciation to others

ESTJs can be critical of others, but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate or see the positives in other people—they truly do. Your ex probably doesn’t expect you to pay them a compliment or say “thanks” for something. That’s exactly why we recommend doing so. What could it hurt to throw a little positivity their way? If anything, a little goodwill might soothe your situation.

Have a plan for when anger strikes

A key to preserving goodwill with your ex is to control your temper. When anger strikes, you know it can be a bear, so formulate a backup plan. Step away from the negotiation table when your blood starts to boil. Take a walk, or at least take a few deep breaths. If appropriate, try injecting a little humor into the situation. (It’ll catch them off guard, for sure.) 

If necessary, set aside the interaction for another time. But by all means, do not allow your anger to jeopardize the end result of your divorce negotiations, which can have a profound impact on your quality of life going forward.

Take time for yourself

A lot of ESTJs put themselves at the bottom of their priority list, focusing on the needs of others to their own detriment. In the midst of your divorce stress, it’s essential that you prioritize yourself and your well-being. What activities make you feel happy, calm, and serene? Pencil more “you” time into your schedule. If “self-care” is a foreign concept to you, check out our list of 101 Self-Care Suggestions for When It All Feels Like Too Much.

Let it go

A famous Disney princess once shouted “Let it go!” from a mountaintop, and she was on to something. You can’t control your ex, your ex’s family, your family, or anyone else, so stop wasting precious energy trying to do just that. Live and let live, and focus on turning this next chapter of your life into something extraordinary.

Recommended reading for ESTJs


As an ESTJ, you may feel alone in your divorce plight. But you don’t have to feel that way. At Hello Divorce, our mission is to support clients through the transition of divorce so they can meet their next exciting chapter with hope and confidence. We know that divorce is much more than a legal event – it’s a life-changing process. If you want to learn how we might help you, schedule a free 15-minute phone call today.

Head of Content
Communication, Relationships, Personal Growth, Mental Health
As Hello Divorce's Head of Content, Katie is dedicated to breaking down the stress and mess of divorce into clear, helpful content that delivers hope rather than fear. Katie most often writes about the emotional toll of divorce, self-care and mindfulness, and effective communication. Katie has 20+ years of experience in content development and management, specializing in compelling consumer-facing content that helps people live better lives. She has a Master's in Media Studies from the University of Wisconsin. Katie lives in Texas with her husband and two adorable cats, and you can find her hiking and bird watching in her free time.