Divorce Survival Tips for INTJ Personality Types

The INTJ personality is introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging.

INTJs tend to be thoughtful, rational, determined people who highly value honesty and rationality. They care deeply about others, though this may come as a surprise to others due to the INTJ’s seemingly critical and unaffectionate nature. INTJs seek the meaningfulness of life, revel in their deep curiosity and thirst for knowledge, and place a high value on their independence.

Learn about the Myers-Briggs test and the other 15 personality types.

Tips for handling divorce as an INTJ

Avoid pointing the finger

INTJs are often unwilling to accept the blame for negative events, and this includes divorce. As you move through your divorce negotiations (which may include a co-parenting plan), be aware of how your words and body language come across to your ex. They are not fully to blame for the demise of your marriage, nor are you. 

It takes two people to make a marriage fail. Instead of laying blame, focus on diplomacy and goodwill as you strive to get what you want in your settlement.

Check in with family and friends

It’s easy for an INTJ to get wrapped up in their own emotions. Remember that others may be grappling with strong feelings about your divorce, too—your kids, family members, friends—and make a point to connect with them. Call or text them to ask how they’re doing. Doing so will get you out of your own head. It will make them feel seen. And it will go a long way toward preserving any fragile relationships as you struggle under the immense pressure of divorce.

Protect your alone time

INTJs need lots of alone time to think, evaluate, and decompress. Self-reflection happens when you’re alone, not when you’re in a room full of people—and this phase of your life is an important one for self-reflection and growth. 

For the sake of your mental and physical well-being, say “no” to the obligations that feel exhausting that you don’t really need to fulfill right now. Give yourself time to recharge, and you’ll be better equipped to deal with the deluge of changes in your life.

Don’t bury your emotions

Because INTJs rely so heavily on thought and reason, they tend to disregard their own emotions. Now is not the time to ignore how you’re feeling, as you are undoubtedly dealing with divorce grief (whether the divorce was your idea or not). 

Read our article about How to Get Closure After a Relationship Ends. In it, we include actionable tips we think you’d appreciate. And consider trying divorce therapy to help yourself see things from a more neutral point of view.

Research your own situation

INTJs value solid reasoning and good sources of information, so do some reading about what divorce is like—and what life, in general, is like—for INTJs. Of course, you don’t have to believe everything you read; that’s your prerogative as a critical thinker! But as you move toward the new “single” version of yourself, you’ll value this added information.

Recommended reading for INTJs

Even strongly independent people need help sometimes, which is why we started Hello Divorce. We have the legal knowledge and a wealth of resources to help people struggling through divorce make it to the other side. If you’d like to try a free 15-minute intro call, schedule yours today.


Head of Content
Communication, Relationships, Personal Growth, Mental Health
As Hello Divorce's Head of Content, Katie is dedicated to breaking down the stress and mess of divorce into clear, helpful content that delivers hope rather than fear. Katie most often writes about the emotional toll of divorce, self-care and mindfulness, and effective communication. Katie has 20+ years of experience in content development and management, specializing in compelling consumer-facing content that helps people live better lives. She has a Master's in Media Studies from the University of Wisconsin. Katie lives in Texas with her husband and two adorable cats, and you can find her hiking and bird watching in her free time.