Can Menopause or Aging Cause Divorce?

• Symptoms of perimenopause and menopause
• Understanding menopause: The basics
• Statistics and expert insights on menopause and marriage
• Has menopause affected your relationship?
• Men’s experience: Andropause and marriage
• Explaining what you don't understand
• Married sex life changes
• Managing menopausal symptoms
• Tips if menopause caused divorce

There’s no doubt that hormones can have a tumultuous effect on a woman’s life, from the surge of hormones at the onset of puberty to their confusing retreat at midlife. These changes don’t just affect menopausal women, either. They can affect everyone in a woman’s orbit, including her spouse.

Case in point: New research suggests that the hormonal fluctuations that occur during perimenopause and menopause can significantly impact not only the woman herself but also her marriage. Studies show that during menopause, a higher number of women seek divorce. 

What is this “menopause divorce,” and how does it affect couples in midlife?

Symptoms of perimenopause and menopause

Menopause is the natural transition of a woman moving beyond her child-bearing years. In Neolithic cultures, this time was when women were revered and became matriarchs of their community. 

Modern culture has sidelined and pathologized much of women’s natural cycles. Menopause became interpreted through an industrialized healthcare lens that generally lacked awareness and understanding about it. Consequently, many women today go through menopause without much helpful information or support.

Menopause doesn’t just affect a woman’s reproductive system. It affects many other systems of the body, causing significant physiological, emotional, and psychological symptoms. 

Here is a table summarizing common symptoms of perimenopause and menopause that can impact a marriage, including physical, emotional, and psychological effects.

How to mitigate menopause’s symptoms and their impacts

• Open communication: Talk openly about symptoms and their effects to foster understanding and empathy.
• Professional support: Seek medical advice for symptom management and consider therapy for emotional support.
• Prioritize intimacy: Explore new ways to maintain intimacy and connection, adjusting to physical changes.
• Practice patience: Recognize that this is a transitional phase requiring patience and mutual effort.

Without a better understanding of menopause and how it affects mental health and the whole body, these symptoms can be especially challenging for women and their spouses. The medical community has supported the view of menopause as a sexual “loss”  instead of a natural process, leaving couples to view the symptoms they’re experiencing as negatives. 

Understanding menopause: The basics

Menopause isn’t just a biological process but also a profoundly emotional one that can affect a woman’s well-being and her sense of self. Menopause marks a significant phase in a woman’s life, and yet many aren’t fully prepared for the spectrum of physical and emotional changes that come with it. 

Physically, the wind-down of estrogen and progesterone can cause an onslaught of symptoms, from hot flashes and night sweats to other sleep disturbances. Menopause can bring shifts in weight, bone density, and other health-related variations, affecting daily life and overall comfort as well as having a direct impact on a woman’s long-term health. 

Many women also experience changes in vaginal health and a decrease in libido. This can result in sexual discomfort and affect intimacy and sexual well-being in their relationships. 

Emotionally, menopause ushers in a wave of changes that can directly influence a woman’s mood and sense of emotional well-being. Some women report feeling a sense of loss and disconnection, while others can experience a sense of relief at the end of their reproductive years. Either is valid, reflecting the very individual response that women can experience with the significant transition that menopause represents. 

Does menopause really have such an impact on a woman’s life – and by extension, her marriage – that it can cause couples to divorce? New data seem to support it. 

Statistics and expert insights on menopause and marriage

There is a correlation between the age at which most women seek divorce and the onset of perimenopause or menopause (between 45 and 55). 

Dr. Louise Newson, a menopause expert in the UK, has dedicated her career to providing treatment and support for women who are navigating menopause. In cooperation with the Family Law Menopause Project, Newson Health Research and Education conducted a survey of 1,000 women asking them about the effect of menopause on their relationships. 

According to the survey, 8 out of 10 women who reported symptoms of perimenopause or menopause reported overlapping marital issues. Seven in 10 said they believed those symptoms had a direct effect on the breakdown of their marriage. 

Now, let’s look at the various symptoms or changes during menopause and how they can affect relationships, especially intimate ones like marriage.

Physical menopause symptoms and impacts

These are the most common lifestyle-disrupting physical issues women experience during menopause.

• Sexual health changes: Menopause often leads to vaginal dryness and discomfort during intercourse, resulting in decreased sexual desire and potential strain on physical intimacy. A survey by The Family Law Menopause Project and Newson Health Research and Education found that 73% of women attributed menopause to the breakdown of their marriages, with 67% reporting increased domestic disputes during this period.
• Sleep disturbances: Hot flashes and night sweats can disrupt sleep, leading to fatigue and irritability, which may affect daily interactions and communication.

Emotional and psychological menopause symptoms and impacts

In addition to the physical challenges above, menopause can affect one’s mood, too.

• Mood swings or depression: Hormonal fluctuations during menopause can cause mental health issues, leading to misunderstandings and emotional distance between partners. The American Psychological Association highlights that psychological research offers insights to help women experience this transition with greater comfort and understanding.
• Identity and self-esteem: Menopause can trigger changes in self-perception and confidence, influencing how individuals engage with their partners and potentially leading to withdrawal or increased dependence.

Expert insights and recommendations for married couples

Experts suggest that increased awareness and education about menopause can help partners understand the changes occurring, fostering empathy and support. Educational interventions have been shown to improve men's understanding of menopause, enhancing marital satisfaction.

Couples are encouraged to consult healthcare providers for symptom management and consider therapy to address emotional and relational challenges during this transition.

Maintaining honest and empathetic communication can help partners navigate the complexities of menopause together, strengthening their relationship.

Has menopause affected your relationship?

Women in midlife still want and need intimacy, even if sex itself requires extra care due to vaginal dryness or hot flashes. But the drop in reproductive hormones is not only a female issue. While it gets far less attention, men go through their own hormonal transitions with a loss of testosterone at around the same time. 

On top of the hormonal changes both spouses are experiencing, married partners often feel older and less attractive, which can further strain their marriage. The relationship can suffer when couples don’t understand what is happening to their hormones and bodies or how to communicate their feelings about it to each other.

Self-esteem and body image

Living in a society that equates youth and a specific body type with beauty can make navigating menopause daunting. While menopause is a natural and significant phase in a woman’s life, the pressure they feel to stay young and beautiful collides with the reality of the physical changes that invariably come with this transition. Unfortunately, it often leads to feelings of inadequacy and unattractiveness. 

Hormonal fluctuation will typically trigger a range of physical changes, from weight gain to a redistribution of body fat to a change in skin texture. And while these are normal, they can be difficult to accept. Women often feel a sense of lost control over their bodies and a disconnect between who they feel like on the inside and what they look like on the outside. 

This loss of self-esteem can affect their most intimate relationships alongside their loss of libido. As they feel less confident in their body, they feel less confident in their sexual relationships. Adding to the emotional changes that co-occur, this often results in misunderstandings and tension in a marriage. 

If a menopausal woman can recognize what is happening, understand it for the natural process it is, build self-compassion, and get support from her partner, this time doesn’t have to be so challenging. Self-compassion may mean that she must realize that her worth is not defined by her looks or redefine what beauty and strength mean for her outside societal norms. Getting support from her partner will mean having some very open and honest conversations about what is going on and discussing how she needs to be supported. 

In the meantime, she can do what is within her power to make things comfortable for her new phase, eating a balanced diet and getting exercise, calming stressors in her life, and pursuing things that make her feel happy and fulfilled. Keeping educated and getting the support of other women who are going through similar transitions can be essential and life-affirming.  

Men’s experience: Andropause and marriage

While menopause is more widely recognized and discussed, men go through their own parallel experience of hormonal flux at about the same time. Commonly referred to as “male menopause,” andropause marks a man’s decline in testosterone that can have its own physical, emotional, and sexual challenges. 

Testosterone is responsible for male physical features, sexual function, and mood regulation. While menopause is a more abrupt hormonal decline, andropause is more gradual, which can make it less noticeable at first. Typical symptoms often include difficulty maintaining physical fitness, fatigue, mood changes, and decreased libido. For many men, these changes can lead to their own feelings of inadequacy as they deal with the changes in their bodies and emotions. 

Like menopause, andropause’s effect on mood, energy, and interest in intimacy can have a serious impact on intimate relationships, often leading to misunderstandings and emotional distance. Because of different societal expectations, men often respond by withdrawing and becoming less communicative, leaving their partners confused and disheartened.

Both menopause and andropause are a normal and natural part of aging for couples. Recognizing and supporting each other’s experiences during these significant life transitions is essential. In most cases, it will require both spouses to maintain honest and open communication, offer emotional support when the other is struggling, and find new ways to connect and be intimate.

How do you explain what’s happening if you’re not sure yourself?

Hormone levels have significant emotional components. During menopause, you may feel angry and impatient one moment and depressed the next. But how do you explain this to your spouse when you’re struggling to understand it yourself?

During menopause, estrogen and progesterone begin to decline. These hormones have a broad effect on many bodily systems including immune response, cardiovascular health, bone health, and brain function. During menopause, women also experience an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, osteoporosis, and brain fog.

Levels of the hormone oxytocin are also decreasing. Oxytocin is often called the “love hormone" and regulates emotional responses, bonding, trust, empathy, and positive communication. Dropping levels of oxytocin can result in us feeling less connected to the people closest to us.

Menopause doesn’t just alter your sex life. It’s a new phase that will affect many aspects of your life in general. 

How do married partners deal with this change in their sex life?

The number-one cause of divorce is a lack of communication. When married couples can talk about the physical and emotional changes they’re encountering and listen to each other with empathy and understanding, they can often work through sexual issues together.

Often, this requires the following:

Communication strategies

In most cases, both spouses feel vulnerable when sexual intimacy breaks down. If you and your partner can talk through it together with honesty, it can make you feel more connected.

Here are some strategies to try:

1.  Learn together: Both partners should understand the symptoms and impacts of menopause, including hot flashes, mood swings, sleep disturbances, and reduced libido. Read articles, attend workshops, or consult healthcare providers together to build mutual awareness.
2.  Practice active listening without interrupting or offering immediate solutions. Acknowledge emotions like frustration, sadness, or anxiety. For example, “I understand this is difficult for you.”
3.  Use “I” statements: Avoid blaming language. Example: “I feel disconnected when we don’t talk about what’s happening. Can we find time to discuss it?”
4.  Schedule check-ins: Set aside time to talk openly about how menopause is affecting your relationship. Choose a relaxed environment to foster honest conversation.
5.  Address concerns: Talk about how physical and emotional changes are impacting your sex life without judgment. Consider lubricants, hormone therapy, or counseling to address physical discomfort and emotional barriers.
6.  Empathy and patience: Menopause can cause unpredictable changes, and reactions may not always make sense. Offer reassurance and let your partner know you’re in this together.
7.  Seek professional help: A therapist can help both partners express their feelings and find solutions collaboratively. Encourage discussions with healthcare providers to manage symptoms effectively.
8.  Have a sense of humor about it: Laughter can diffuse tension and foster closeness. Approach sensitive topics with a light heart when appropriate. “Read the room” and avoid humor if it’s triggering.
9.  Focus on your partnership: Remind each other that menopause is a shared experience. Work together to maintain health and well-being through exercise, diet, and stress management.
10.  Know when to step back: If emotions run high, take a break. Understand that some feelings may take time to articulate.

Empathy

Looking at the situation from each other’s perspective can go a long way toward seeking a solution that works for both of you. 

Alone time

Life is busy, but taking alone time as a couple can do amazing things to spark a little romance that may have taken a backseat. 

Self-care

By midlife, many women have spent their lives taking care of everyone else. Menopause is the perfect time to relearn how to self-prioritize.

Getting professional help

Seeking professional help during menopause can strengthen a marriage by addressing emotional, physical, and psychological challenges. 

Speak to your doctor

There are many things you may be able to do to lessen your menopause symptoms. Speak to a knowledgeable doctor about hormone replacement therapy, diet, supplements, and other options. 

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and other medical treatments

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is a common medical intervention for managing menopause symptoms, such as hot flashes, mood swings, and vaginal dryness. It involves supplementing estrogen and sometimes progesterone to balance hormone levels. 

Other medical interventions include non-hormonal medications for specific symptoms, like antidepressants for mood changes or vaginal moisturizers for dryness. 

Lifestyle changes, such as a healthy diet, regular exercise, and stress management, often complement these treatments. Consulting a healthcare provider is essential to evaluate risks, benefits, and personalized options.

Disclaimer: Any information in this article is intended for general informational purposes only. Menopause is a very individual physiological process, and every woman’s decisions, whether to use hormone replacement therapy or supplements, should be guided by her doctor based on her individual health needs and medical history, taking into consideration any potential risks and side effects.  What works for and is appropriate for one individual may not be suitable for another. 

Counseling

If menopause is affecting your marriage, you are not alone. Seeing a therapist together (or alone) can provide you with coping skills or ideas about how to create more intimacy in your marriage. 

The menopausal years can be a trying time for women and their loved ones. Mood swings, night sweats, and other physical changes affect physical intimacy and so much more. 

Managing menopausal symptoms with your partner

Navigating menopause doesn’t have to be an isolating experience. When couples understand the symptoms of menopause and talk about it openly and honestly, managing it together as a team will increase feelings of mutual support, love, and closeness amid all the confusing changes. 

If you and your spouse are dealing with symptoms of menopause (or andropause), approach it with a unified front. 

• Educate yourselves. Both of you should understand the biological and emotional changes you can expect during each other’s hormone decline. It demystifies the behavior and better prepares you to deal with it.
• Be honest. Discuss any changes openly, even when it’s uncomfortable to talk about. This will foster a sense of empathy and support, allowing you to be on the same team. 
• Recognize and cope with the mood swings together. Understanding that these mood swings are just a natural symptom of hormonal changes can help both of you not take things personally. 
• Understand what each other needs. Support looks different for different people. Discuss what each person needs in the way of support, and offer these gestures when your spouse is struggling. 
• Keep anger and blame off the table. When you or your spouse are dealing with feelings of vulnerability, anger and blame will only be more destructive. 
• Explore different ways to be intimate. Intimacy isn’t just sex. During menopause and andropause, sex could even be off the table. Explore other ways to feel intimate so you can maintain love and connection in your marriage. 
• Consult with a healthcare provider. Some symptoms of decreased libido and vaginal dryness and pain can be addressed through the use of lubricants, medications, or hormone therapies. 
• Adjust your lifestyle accordingly. Eating healthy, exercising, reducing stress, and getting enough sleep aren’t just good for your health. They’re also essential for your love life. 
• Be each other’s best friend and staunchest advocate. Having each other’s back offers a sense of support and unity. And as we age, what can be more important in our intimate relationships than someone who accepts and loves us just the way we are?

Tips for rebuilding intimacy during and after menopause

Rebuilding intimacy requires understanding, communication, and practical strategies to address the physical, emotional, and psychological changes that occur. Here are specific suggestions and techniques.

1. Address physical challenges

Vaginal discomfort

• Lubricants and moisturizers: Use water- or silicone-based lubricants for immediate relief during intimacy and vaginal moisturizers for ongoing hydration.
• Hormone therapy: Consider estrogen creams, rings, or tablets to alleviate vaginal dryness and improve elasticity.

Libido/sexual desire

• Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep can enhance overall energy and libido.
• Consult a healthcare provider about treatments like testosterone therapy or other medications that may help boost desire.

Physical confidence

• Practice self-care, wear what makes you feel good, and focus on your favorite qualities rather than perceived flaws. You may want to read books such as The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love.
• Physical activity can improve self-esteem, strength, and confidence in your body.

2. Build emotional intimacy

Open communication

• Share how menopause is affecting you with your partner to foster understanding.
• Be clear about what feels good and what doesn’t, and invite your partner to do the same.

Quality time

• Schedule regular dates or shared activities to nurture your bond.
• Create rituals and perform small gestures like morning coffee together or evening walks to help maintain your connection.

3. Rekindle the romance

• Try new things together: Explore new hobbies, travel, or experiences together to keep the relationship exciting.
• Redefine “intimacy”: Focus on non-sexual touch, like cuddling, massages, or holding hands, to maintain closeness.
• Explore fantasies and toys: Try new things to reignite passion. Consider introducing sex toys or trying different settings to add variety.

4. Foster your emotional connection

• Individual or couples therapy can help address anxiety, depression, or past conflicts affecting intimacy.
• Techniques like meditation or focused breathing can help reduce stress and improve emotional connection.

• Share fears or insecurities to deepen emotional closeness.
• Reassure each other: Regularly affirm your commitment and attraction to one another.

5. Seek professional guidance

A sex therapist can provide tailored advice and techniques to overcome challenges. A doctor can recommend treatments for physical symptoms or hormonal changes affecting intimacy.

6. Stay positive

Here are some of the “perks” of menopause.

• Post-menopause, you no longer need to worry about pregnancy, which can enhance sexual freedom.
• This phase is an opportunity to deepen your bond in new and meaningful ways.
• Menopause often happens in tandem with having an empty nest, and you now have more time to live life on your own terms.

By addressing the changes menopause brings with empathy, creativity, and openness, couples can strengthen their connection and create a fulfilling, intimate relationship.

What to do if menopause causes a divorce

If menopause contributed to a divorce, it’s important to prioritize healing, self-care, and personal growth. Here’s how to navigate this challenging period:

Acknowledge and process your emotions

Divorce and menopause are both major life transitions. Give yourself space to process feelings of loss, anger, or sadness. Your emotions are all valid. Talk to trusted friends or family, or join a support group for individuals going through divorce or menopause.

Prioritize your physical health

Many decided to work with a healthcare provider to manage symptoms like hot flashes, sleep disturbances, or vaginal dryness. Treatment options may include hormone replacement therapy (HRT), medications, or lifestyle changes.

As with many physical changes, stay active – even light activities like restorative yoga or short walks can help. Regular exercise can improve mood, energy levels, and overall well-being.

Self-care and mental health support

Consider therapy if you’re struggling to adjust emotionally. A therapist can help you work through the emotional impacts of both menopause and divorce, providing tools for resilience. You may also join a support group, to connect with peers and hear their stories and insights.

Mindfulness and relaxation techniques like meditation, yoga, or journaling can reduce stress and promote emotional balance.

Embrace your new identity

Focus on rediscovering hobbies, passions, or career goals that may have been set aside. View this period as an opportunity for personal growth and self-reinvention.

Nurture your existing relationships and make new friends

Cultivate supportive relationships with friends and loved ones who uplift you. If you have children, focus on building a strong and supportive relationship with them during this time. Explore your hobbies in group settings to make new friends. You may also want to volunteer, as giving back has a long list of benefits.

Educate yourself and be honest with future partners

Learn more about how menopause affects your physical and emotional health to better advocate for yourself. If you begin dating again, have honest conversations with potential partners about the challenges you’ve faced and how you’re managing them.

Seek legal and financial stability

Post-divorce, work on establishing financial independence and stability. Consult a financial advisor, like a CDFA, if needed. Ensure that your will, insurance, and other legal documents reflect your current circumstances.

Be positive

Recognize that you have the strength to navigate these changes and create a fulfilling new chapter in your life. Acknowledge small victories as you adapt to your new normal.

By taking proactive steps to address the effects of menopause and divorce, you can rebuild your life with resilience, confidence, and renewed purpose.

Divorce is a big decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. We’re here to help. At Hello Divorce, we want to change the face of divorce. We offer services and resources for anyone who is considering divorce, needing help with their ongoing divorce, or navigating life beyond divorce.