- How do you sleep during divorce?
- Tips for sleeping better
- FAQ
- How to Improve Your Sleep During Divorce
Divorce. It’s one of the most stressful events in a person’s life. Going through the divorce process is emotionally overwhelming and chaotic, and it requires that you think clearly so you can make critical decisions about your future as a single person and possibly the lives of young loved ones. But how can you do this when you lie awake in the middle of the night with visions of your impending divorce dancing in your head?
How do you sleep during divorce?
You’re not alone if you struggle with sleep deprivation during your divorce. Many divorcing individuals know firsthand the agony of nightly tossing and turning, watching as the hours slowly tick by. And there’s a good reason for this. Research shows that stress, anxiety, and sleep issues are closely tied. A lack of sleep causes more stress, creating a self-sustaining cycle of sleeplessness that affects your mental health and well-being.
Scientists hail sleep as one of our primary biological needs, just like food and water. But it can seem impossible to get the sleep you need when you can’t turn off your thoughts. Your sleep-deprived brain can leave you feeling depleted, anxious, and not functioning at the level you need to be. Add in all the other feelings you’re experiencing during your divorce, and it’s no wonder sleep eludes you.
Wondering what that bad dream means? Read Common Divorce-Related Dreams and What They Mean
Tips for sleeping better during the stress of divorce
You may be feeling your most insecure and vulnerable during your divorce. And yet, despite these feelings, you’re expected to make logical and reasonable life decisions about your future. Getting the rest you need can help you approach these decisions with a fresh and rational mind. With focused self-care and de-stressing, you might find that you can relax and finally get some well-deserved sleep.
Breathing techniques for better sleep
When you’re going through a stressful situation, chances are you aren’t breathing deeply and fully. Shallow breathing can cause you to stay in a perpetual state of stress. Think of the “fight or flight” response. While this works if you’re confronted with a short-term threat, our modern-day stressors – like divorce – are chronic and persistent. Be mindful of how you breathe, and learn some simple breathing techniques to help keep you in your zen space.
Create a restful environment for sleep
Your bedroom may feel like the scene of the crime when you’re navigating a divorce. Purge the crime scene, and turn it into a restful environment.
You don’t need to do a complete renovation. Simple adjustments can make it a soothing, sleep-inducing room focused on your wellness. Keep your bedroom cool and dark. Drown out ambient noises with white noise or a fan. Sleep in the most comfortable, cool garment you own. That huge cotton tee shirt with the worn holes under the arms? This may be its shining moment.
Pay attention to what you’re eating and drinking before bed
We all know about caffeine, but did you know that caffeine can affect you for up to eight hours after it’s consumed? And what about those glasses of wine with and after dinner? While alcohol acts as a sedative initially, once it’s metabolized, it works just the opposite and can result in a night of fitful sleep – or no sleep at all. Focus on foods and beverages that can naturally help soothe you to sleep.
Turn off your devices
Social media might feel like something of a vice right now, but your tablet, smartphone – even the TV – throw off blue light that interferes with your body’s natural circadian rhythm. Blue light exposure suppresses melatonin production in the brain and tricks your brain into thinking it’s daytime instead of night. Read a book at bedtime. Listen to music. Your overactive brain will thank you.
Keep a consistent bedtime
Keeping a consistent sleep schedule is one of the hallmarks of getting enough quality sleep. Good sleep habits may not have been part of your life before, but serious self-care is now your focus. Your body needs and wants consistency. Do yourself a favor and put yourself on a sleep schedule.
Download our Self-Care Worksheet
Try some relaxation techniques
Does it seem that as soon as you turn off the lights, your mind goes into overdrive? Aromatherapy and some essential oils have been proven to help ease stress and insomnia. Learning some simple relaxation techniques or finding some soothing guided meditations can also help calm your racing mind and prepare you for sleep.
Getting professional help
Sometimes, no matter what you do, you still get caught up in a cycle of nighttime rumination. Time will eventually heal this, but in the meantime, it can help to get some professional assistance. A good therapist can help you work through the overarching issues of your divorce that keep you up at night.
Have a clear plan
Divorce is a time of uncertainty and fear. You’re at the precipice of your old life, looking at a vast unknown. Unfortunately, nighttime, when the world is quiet, is a time when feelings of vulnerability can creep in and be their most persistent.
While sleeplessness during big life changes like divorce is common and only temporary, you can be your own best advocate. Self-care and self-understanding should be number-one priorities. At Hello Divorce, we offer a large library of resources to help you design a clear path into your next chapter.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is sleep so hard during divorce?
Divorce adds stress, uncertainty, and routine changes that can trigger anxiety and insomnia. Racing thoughts and elevated stress hormones make it harder to fall or stay asleep.
How much sleep do adults need while under stress?
Most adults do best with 7–9 hours a night. Keeping a consistent bedtime and wake time is just as important as total hours.
What can I do tonight to fall asleep faster?
Lower the lights, put devices away, take a warm shower, and try a short breathing or body-scan exercise. Keep your room cool, dark, and quiet.
Should I use sleeping pills or supplements?
Short-term options can help some people but aren’t a cure. They may have side effects or interactions. Talk with a healthcare professional before using any medication or supplement.
Is it okay to drink alcohol to sleep?
Alcohol can make you drowsy but disrupts sleep stages and causes awakenings. Avoid alcohol for several hours before bed for more restorative sleep.
What if I wake at 3 a.m. and can’t return to sleep?
If you’re awake about 20 minutes, get out of bed and do a calm, low-light activity until sleepy again. Avoid screens, then return to bed when drowsy.
How do I stop racing thoughts at night?
Set a “worry time” earlier in the evening, write to-do lists, and use a grounding or relaxation exercise. Keeping a notepad by the bed helps offload thoughts.
Do naps help or hurt?
A brief nap (around 20 minutes) before mid-afternoon can help. Long or late naps can make nighttime sleep harder.
When should I seek professional help?
If sleep problems last more than a few weeks, you lean on substances to sleep, or anxiety or depression is worsening, reach out to a medical or mental health professional.
Can better sleep help my divorce process?
Yes. Rest supports mood regulation, memory, and decision-making—skills that make negotiations, co-parenting, and planning easier.
How to Improve Your Sleep During Divorce
Set a fixed wake time
Choose a wake time you can keep every day. Build your bedtime to allow 7–9 hours of sleep.
Create a wind-down routine
About an hour before bed, dim lights, shut down devices, and do quiet activities like stretching, journaling, or reading.
Make your bedroom sleep-friendly
Keep it cool, dark, and quiet. Consider an eye mask, blackout curtains, earplugs, or white noise. Use your bed only for sleep and intimacy.
Schedule worry time
Spend 10–15 minutes earlier in the evening listing concerns and next steps. Close the notebook and leave problem-solving for tomorrow.
Watch caffeine, late meals, and alcohol
Stop caffeine after early afternoon, avoid heavy meals close to bedtime, and skip alcohol within several hours of sleep.
Practice relaxation
Try slow breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or a short body scan in bed to signal your brain it’s time to rest.
Use the 20-minute rule
If you can’t sleep, get up and do something calming in low light until you feel sleepy. Return to bed only when drowsy.
Get daylight and move
Morning light and daytime movement help set your body clock. Finish vigorous exercise a few hours before bedtime.
Track your sleep
Keep a simple two-week sleep diary to notice patterns and fine-tune your routine.
Reach out for help
If insomnia continues or daytime functioning suffers, connect with a healthcare professional to explore next steps.
.png)
Ready to re-discover yourself with coaching or therapy?
Our FREE checklist can help you find the right fit.
Download our checklist of questions to ask a potential therapist or coach today.
