Guide to Divorce in Your 20s and 30s
- Understanding divorce basics
- Comprehensive planning guide
- Setting post-divorce goals
- Tips for young parents
- Tips to protect your mental health
- Tips for financial recovery
- Helpful resources
Are you like most people, wondering how you got here? Most people don’t go into a marriage intending for it to fail, especially when kids are involved. But couples often grow apart as they age, which can strain any relationship.
This can be especially true of those who marry in their young adult years. Evidence in the fundamental development of both men and women has shown that we are not the same people in our 20s as we are in our 30s and subsequent years of life. As a result, there could be higher incidences of young couples growing apart as they age, making relationships more challenging.
The word “divorce” sounds scary all by itself and often comes with feelings of shame, fear, guilt, and uncertainty. As a younger adult facing divorce, you may worry about starting over and how family and friends may react.
At Hello Divorce, we understand how scary it can be, and we want to help. Read along, and take advantage of the resources we offer.
Understand the basics of divorce
Feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start? It is essential to know that each state may vary in its divorce laws and processes.
It’s also necessary to understand some basic “Divorce 101” concepts:
- Petition: Often coined as filing “divorce papers,” a petition is filed by the party wishing to move forward in the divorce process.
- Serving: Depending on your route, you may be obligated to serve your partner with the official divorce petition. If you have already sought legal representation, they may cover this step.
- Divorce attorney: Many couples seeking divorce hire legal representation as a protection mechanism. They want someone to help them navigate the process.
- Mediation: Using a mediator, couples can often agree on aspects of their divorce settlement, such as child custody and spousal support. In fact, you may be able to avoid hiring a pricey divorce attorney by working with a (less costly) divorce mediator instead.
Check out our Hello Divorce process flowcharts to get started on the right path.
Hello Divorce planning guide
To aid you on this journey, consider utilizing our free downloadable decision-making guide, handcrafted for people like you. This guide highlights more Divorce 101 tips to help you and anyone considering divorce. When you're ready to get started on your divorce, we recommend purchasing our 300+ page Divorce Planning & Strategy Guide.
What might you find in this jam-packed divorce guide?
- Information about filing for divorce
- Help for managing your finances
- Advice on how to develop an agreement (if this is possible to do amicably and civilly)
- Help with choosing the right divorce plan for your circumstances (DIY or with legal counsel)
- Various plans offered by Hello Divorce
- Tips to keep you sane along the way
- Mediation considerations
- Hello Divorce’s planning checklist
- List of necessary documents
- Financial worksheet
- Co-parenting/visitation worksheet
- Proposed visitation schedule
- Child support worksheet
- Pet custody planning
- Spousal support worksheet
- Asset and debt division worksheet
- Tax review
Set your post-divorce goals
Life doesn’t end just because two people couldn’t make things work, and that’s okay. So much negativity surrounds divorce, and yes, it's sad and hurtful for many. But it can also be viewed as a positive.
As a younger adult, you may feel like it's harder to move forward than it would be for an older person. In fact, it can be the opposite! Many people in their 20s and 30s are surrounded by supportive friends and family. Lean into those supportive people. They are the ones who are going to help you move forward. Many remarry, too.
You and your ex have a lot to look forward to in life. Maybe you will choose to focus on self-improvement moving forward. Or maybe you are finally ready to pursue that career or small business venture you always felt you couldn’t pursue before. And, of course, both of you want what’s best for the kids, if you have them, so focusing on nurturing a strong co-parenting relationship is worth the effort.
The fact that this relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean that future ones won’t. This time in your life presents the perfect opportunity to work on yourself and focus on self-love and friendships. The rest may come later.
Tips for young divorcing parents
As if the divorce wasn’t stressful enough, now comes the worry about how to break the news to your children and what to do afterward. Kids are incredibly resilient, but divorce can be difficult for everyone involved, especially them.
So, how can you and your ex help your children through this transition?
- Form a united front, and stick to it.
- Be available to provide reassurance as needed.
- Seek external support; therapy can be a huge asset in a situation such as this.
- Avoid blaming the other parent. Kids see and hear more than you may think, so it is crucial to not talk negatively about your ex and not to shift the blame. This can often be difficult for some younger adults, as it requires a different form of mindset.
- Lean into your support systems.
“Time heals all wounds.” There's a lot of wisdom seeded in that saying. Things tend to improve with time. Once the initial shock and hurt wear off and the kids adjust to their new routine, things can improve.
Tips to protect your mental health
Divorce brings a sense of grief to those affected most. It's a loss – a part of your life has changed, and you’ll be moving forward without someone you had grown accustomed to sharing your life with. As such, there are actual proven emotional stages of divorce:
Throughout this process, there will be a lot of feeling like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. Surrounding yourself with a solid support system is key to helping you and your children move forward. It would even be beneficial to seek out a licensed professional for yourself (in addition to the therapy for your children).
Take things one day at a time. Try not to get all wrapped up in the “what ifs.” Remember that you cannot control other people’s actions or thoughts. If you are feeling a lot of anger, consider activities to help you stay healthy, such as physical movement, music, journaling, spending time with friends, etc.
We challenge you to ask yourself what your goals are moving forward. Our worksheet can help you put them all on paper.
Tips to preserve your financial health
Aside from the emotional and mental exhaustion that comes with divorce, protecting yourself financially is something you don’t want to forget. If you and your ex have known for a while that divorce was on the table, perhaps there have already been discussions about paying off debt. If not, that would be a wise discussion to have. If the two of you can be civil and respectful, that’s great. If that’s a challenge, a mediator or legal counsel may best hold the discussion.
Going from a joint financial household to a single income can bring a lot of added stress and worry into the mix. A solid plan of action to tackle your debts and focus on building your credit may be worth discussing.
Suggested: How to Create a Post-Divorce Budget
Final thoughts
Divorce is complicated, scary, and stressful for everyone involved, and it can get downright messy. If you can minimize the hurt and mess, that is preferable for both yourself and your children.
Kids see and hear more than we give them credit for, and it will be essential to show them that they’re still the priority, even if you and your ex did not work out. As for you and your ex? There is ample opportunity for each of you to grow and find happiness moving forward.
Ready to get started? Reach out to the team at Hello Divorce today by scheduling your free 15-minute info call.
