5 Mistakes Parents Make During Divorce and How to Avoid Them

Divorce isn’t just hard—it’s gut-wrenching. Even if it’s the right decision, it comes with a storm of emotions: fear, anger, grief, and overwhelm. And while you’re trying to keep yourself afloat, you also have children who depend on you, looking to you for stability in a time that feels anything but stable.

And you love your kids more than anything, but let’s be honest—when you’re exhausted, hurt, and scared for the future, it’s incredibly hard always to make the best parenting choices. That’s normal. You’re human. However, being aware of the most common mistakes parents make during divorce can help you catch yourself before you make mistakes that could unintentionally harm them.

Here are five mistakes to watch out for - and how to avoid them.

1. Refusing to negotiate and getting embroiled in legal battles

When you’re in the middle of a divorce, it’s easy to feel like you’re in a battle that you must win. If your ex is being difficult, or if resentment is running high, the idea of "fighting it out" in court might feel like your only option.

But here’s the hard truth: no one truly “wins” in a courtroom battle—especially not your kids.

Going to court drains your finances, drags out the process, and adds even more stress to an already painful situation. Your children feel the tension, and in the end, they are the ones who suffer most.

Sometimes, going to court is your only option. But before you do, decide if what you're fighting for is worth it for you and your children emotionally and financially. Consider mediation, working with a financial neutral, or another way to work through your divorce collaboratively. This allows you to stay in control, create solutions that actually work for your family, and protect your children from the emotional fallout of a long, ugly court fight.

2. Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the children

Let’s be real—when you’re hurt, angry, or dealing with an impossible ex, it’s tempting to vent or criticize them. Maybe you roll your eyes when their name comes up, or you mutter a sarcastic remark under your breath. Maybe, in a moment of frustration, you say something you regret.

But here’s what’s so important to remember: your children are 50% you and 50% their other parent. When they hear you criticize your ex, they internalize it. They may start to feel guilty for loving their other parent, they can feel anxious, or worse—they may wonder if they, too, are "bad" because they share that parent's DNA.

This doesn’t mean you have to pretend everything is fine. It just means your kids should never feel like they must choose sides. If you need to vent (and you probably do!), find a therapist, a coach, a trusted friend, or a support group. Your kids need space to love both parents.

3. Not having a clear, well-defined parenting plan

When you’re still living together and working through your divorce, it might feel natural to keep sharing parenting responsibilities. Maybe you assume you’ll just “figure it out” day by day. After all, you’ve been co-parenting under the same roof this whole time—how different could it be?

But here’s the problem: miscommunication happens.

One parent thinks the other is handling bedtime or school drop-off, and suddenly, there’s a fight. Emotions are high and before you know it, resentment builds, tension grows, and your kids get stuck in the middle.

The key to avoiding this? A clear, well-defined temporary parenting plan.

A temporary parenting plan can help you navigate the period when you’re still living together and working through divorce. It can outline who handles which parenting responsibilities (meals, bedtime, school drop-offs, etc.), how and when you'll discuss important parenting decisions and how to handle conflicts or disagreements without involving the kids.

The temporary parenting plan is just what it sounds like - temporary. You’ll also need a long-term parenting plan.

A long-term parenting plan should cover:

✔ Custody and visitation schedules (including holidays and vacations)
✔ How you’ll make decisions about education, healthcare, and extracurricular activities
✔ Communication expectations between parents

Having these plans in place reduces stress, minimizes conflict, and creates stability for your children—which is exactly what they need during this time of change.

4. Not putting the needs of the children first

Divorce is scary, painful, and overwhelming. You’re grieving the loss of the life you thought you’d have. You’re scared about finances, your future, and how you’ll rebuild. Some days, just getting out of bed feels like a win.

And while you’re in survival mode, your kids feel it too.

Even if they don’t say it, they pick up on your stress, your sadness, and the tension in the air. They might act out, withdraw, or struggle with sleep, school, or emotions. Kids don’t always have the words to express what they’re going through, but they do absorb the energy around them.

That’s why one of the most important things you can do for your children is to get support for yourself. Taking care of yourself - exercising, getting sleep, eating right, counseling, coaching, support groups, etc. allows you to show up for your children with more patience, reassurance, and stability, even when everything else feels uncertain.

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Because when you’re supported, you can be the steady, loving presence your kids need most right now.

5. Forgetting about the long-term financial implications

Divorce shakes up everything—including your finances. And while you’re busy figuring out how to split assets, cover legal fees, and adjust to a new financial reality, it’s easy to overlook the long-term financial needs of your children.

But here’s the thing: your kids’ financial future depends on the choices you make now.

Things to consider:

💰 Everyday expenses: School supplies, extracurricular activities, tutors, and medical costs need to be considered.

📑 Tax implications:  Address and plan for who will claim the children on their taxes and the head of household status.

⚕️ Medical and life insurance: Review medical and life insurance policies and make sure they are adequate for the children’s needs.

🎓 Future planning: Set up trusts or custodial accounts to help ensure that money is earmarked specifically for college such as 529 or UTMA/UGMA accounts.

A clear financial plan reduces stress for both you and your kids in the long run. It’s not just about money—it’s about providing stability and security for them as they grow.

Final thoughts

No one gets through a divorce without making mistakes. This is hard, emotional, and overwhelming. Give yourself grace. You’re doing the best you can.

But the good news? There are professionals who can help you avoid many of these mistakes. Getting support from a divorce coach, therapist, financial professional, mediator, and attorney is key to protecting your kids’ emotional and financial well-being. By avoiding these five common mistakes, you can create a more peaceful transition for your children and set the foundation for a healthier future.

If you’re looking for support, guidance, and practical tools to help you through this process, reach out. You don’t have to do this alone—there are so many resources to help you navigate divorce with confidence.