Soft and Fierce: The Surprising Way to Mend a Broken Heart

Heartbroken and desperate to heal and be open to love again? Most of us suffer in silence after love ends, thinking it's better to cry it out privately and put up walls to protect us from further pain. While it's natural to want to hide from the world, the truth is that allowing yourself to be vulnerable and riding with the waves of emotion was by far the strongest and quickest path toward healing.

When we show our vulnerability, we claim our truth in a way that is so authentic that it ultimately connects us to others who can support our growth and healing. By being your most authentic self, you will be that much closer to finding someone who will keep your heart safe and full. We challenge you to be soft and fierce. What does that mean, though? Here are some ways to be soft and fierce:

  • Admitting when you've had enough of something (or someone).
  • Asserting what you really want, even if that's unpopular or seen as impractical.
  • Hoping for the best when you're working toward a goal, even when you know there's a chance it might not turn out the way you want it to.
  • Being honest about your fragility, and accepting that it's OK to not always have it all together.
  • Asking for help when you need it, even if you wish you could do it all on your own.

There are several ways being soft and fierce gives you strength. Let's explore them.

You'll find your truth

Admitting what you truly need or putting into words how badly you are hurt can feel scary, but it's the only way to expose the truth. If you pretend to be anything you are not at your core, you tell those around you that you don't need things you ultimately want!

Even if you think your feelings and expectations might be impractical if it's how you feel, isn't it valid? It is. Your truth is yours, and critical to building a fulfilling future. Don't let others decide it.

You'll make stronger, deeper connections

Now that you know what you truly want and need, you can more easily attract that same energy (like-minded people who can help you achieve your goals). If you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable, you often attract just the opposite or settle for someone who doesn't see and appreciate the real you. While walls can protect you, they also block some of the things you want.

You'll achieve personal growth

Think of the most beautiful tree, flower or plant you've ever seen. It went through a lot to get to the towering redwood or blossoming orchid you admire. It started as a little seed, took a long time to grow and needed lots of nurturing to become strong and gorgeous. It probably looked a little ragged or wilted at times. Over its life course, it has needed pruning, might have lost a branch or two in a storm and likely had periods of dormancy. It might have even withstood a wildfire or other near-death – and came back stronger.

You are a glorious living thing, too. Being flexible to go along with the seasons of your life is the only way to consistently achieve personal growth.

You will be closer to finding joy

It might not feel like it when you're at peak vulnerability, but moving through and learning from the bad times gets you to the good times quicker. You will find joy again. Don't take any shortcuts or settle into something that is comfortable (but ultimately not what you want) too soon. The only way out is through, and you will get through quicker by being honest and gentle with yourself.

So be soft, but be fierce. And remember, you are not unlovable just because someone didn't know how to love you. Find your truth and pursue only those things that support it. You're already closer than you think.

Head of Content
Communication, Relationships, Personal Growth, Mental Health
As Hello Divorce's Head of Content, Katie is dedicated to breaking down the stress and mess of divorce into clear, helpful content that delivers hope rather than fear. Katie most often writes about the emotional toll of divorce, self-care and mindfulness, and effective communication. Katie has 20+ years of experience in content development and management, specializing in compelling consumer-facing content that helps people live better lives. She has a Master's in Media Studies from the University of Wisconsin. Katie lives in Texas with her husband and two adorable cats, and you can find her hiking and bird watching in her free time.