Divorce Survival Tips for ESFP Personality Types
The ESFP personality is extroverted, sensing, feeling, and perceiving.
ESFPs tend to be highly sensitive, observant, emotional, and energetic. They are often the “entertainers” in a crowd, livening up any social gathering by stepping into the spotlight and sharing their gifts. Their positive people skills and lust for life are infectious.
On the flip side, in the absence of excitement, ESFPs tend to bore rather quickly. Although they are adaptable, and their romantic relationships can be successful, ESFPs tend to see their share of breakups due to an aversion to long-term planning.
Tips for handling divorce as an ESFP
Stand up for yourself in your negotiations
ESFPs dislike conflict. Thus, the tediousness of interacting with your soon-to-be ex to plan a divorce settlement may trigger your escape reflex. Giving in to all of your spouse’s demands may seem less painless in the short term. But what about the long term?
Don’t forgo your share of the marital property or your time with your kids because this phase of the divorce is hard for you. If sticking out tedious negotiation sessions is hard for you, get help. Consider hiring a mediator (Hello Divorce offers flat-rate mediation services) who will work with you and your spouse to create a fair settlement.
Tend to your unresolved issues
As an ESFP, you may avoid confrontation and conflict. So by the time you and your spouse meet at the divorce table, a lot of unspoken issues may be bubbling just beneath the surface. Are you able to resolve any of them now? Making peace with your spouse does not necessarily mean reconciliation, but it does mean your divorce negotiations (and any future interactions) might be a little more comfortable. Read this interview with Dr. Kristin Davin, Psy. D., to learn about couples therapy and other forms of counseling that may be helpful.
Guard your impulses
ESFPs are spontaneous people. In times of high stress, you may be feeling extra impulsive. For example, you may wake up with a strong urge to throw out all the clothes in your closet and buy a new wardrobe. You may feel tempted to throw out every old trinket and memento from your marriage, including old photographs that picture your kids and other family members.
Avoid spur-of-the-moment decisions like this. Don’t do anything rash. Knowing you, it’s unlikely you’ve thought these actions through, and the consequences could be drastic.
Don’t take the end of your relationship personally
ESFPs take failure hard. So when a relationship ends, they tend to view themselves as the catalyst for the breakup. But remember: marriage requires a two-way partnership. You are not completely responsible for the breakdown of your relationship.
Criticizing and berating yourself won’t solve anything. While it’s healthy to look back and reflect on your role in the relationship, it’s unhealthy to drown yourself in a deluge of self-criticism.
As an ESFP, you may struggle with staying focused right now. So much is happening, and your thoughts bounce from one thing to another, never taking time to be still. Mindfulness and meditation can help get you out of your head and back inside your body. Check out our guided meditation to see what seven minutes of inner peace can do for you.
Recommended reading ESFPs
At Hello Divorce, we understand that divorce can feel like a nearly impossible hurdle. Let us lift you up and help you to the finish line. Visit our website to learn about the memberships and services we offer and to set up your free 15-minute informational call.