7 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Kids When You're Apart
- How do you parent when you’re away from your child?
- 7 ways to stay connected with your child when you’re apart
- Other tips for successful long-distance parenting
As a divorced co-parent, when your child is with their other parent, you may find yourself yearning for their presence. This longing is natural and even healthy. It signifies the strength of your bond with your child.
But how do you maintain this connection while apart? In this article, we will explore practical ways to stay connected with your children while they are away.
How do you parent when you’re away from your child?
Divorce and shared custody introduce a new landscape for parenting. Maybe you're a non-custodial parent trying to adjust to a schedule that limits your time with your child. Maybe you're a custodial parent grappling with the reality of surrendering your kids to the other parent at specific intervals.
Or, in perhaps an even more challenging scenario, perhaps you are dealing with geographical barriers that make seeing your child a logistical puzzle.
These situations can stir a whirlwind of emotions: longing, frustration, and perhaps a sense of helplessness. But amidst this turmoil, it's crucial to remember that physical distance doesn't necessitate emotional distance.
Being a parent isn't defined by the number of days spent together. Rather, it’s defined by the quality of interactions during those moments. Even when apart, there are ways to sustain your connection and maintain your presence in your child's life. Regular contact, facilitated through phone calls, video chats, emails, or even letters, can bridge the gap between visits.
7 ways to stay connected to your kid when you’re apart
1. Schedule regular phone or video chat meetings
In the age of technology, staying connected has never been easier. Regular phone calls and video chats can help maintain a sense of normalcy and routine in your child's life. Consider using apps that appeal to kids like Snapchat, which adds an element of fun to communication with its playful filters and stickers.
2. Let them know you’re available
Children need to feel secure, knowing they can reach out to their parents whenever they need to. Make it clear you're always available for a chat, whether it's about school, friends, or just their day. Provide them with all your contact details, and reassure them they can initiate conversation anytime they wish. This openness encourages them to express their feelings and thoughts, fostering a strong bond despite the distance.
3. Stay involved
Staying involved in your child's life is crucial. Show interest in their daily activities, their classes, their hobbies, and their friends. Ask about their favorite subject in school, their latest art project, or how their best friend is doing. Being part of these small yet significant aspects of their life sends a powerful message: You care. It's not about prying or keeping tabs; it's about understanding their world and being a part of it, no matter how many miles separate you.
4. Find other virtual ways to stay connected
In this digital era, myriad avenues exist to keep the connection alive. Photos can be shared online, capturing the mundane and the momentous. You could delve into the realm of virtual gaming, whether that consists of a shared virtual battlefield or a creative space fostering camaraderie.
Consider streaming the same shows or movies and discussing them later – a virtual book club, of sorts. Or, pursue a shared hobby while on video chat such as cooking, painting, or even learning a new language. The possibilities are endless.
5. Attend school and sporting events
Your presence at school productions, sports games, and other significant events is invaluable. Even if it's the other parent's custody time, make an effort to attend. Your child's performance is a big deal for them, and your support will mean the world. It's about showing up, cheering them on, and being there for their triumphs and trials.
6. Make your home feel like their home
Even if you are a non-custodial parent, strive to make your place feel welcoming. Create a space for your child – their room, their corner, their sanctuary. Fill it with things they love. Make sure they know that your home is their home, too. It’s a place where they belong, where they are loved and cherished. This sense of belonging can foster a deeper connection, bridging the physical divide.
7. Send care packages
Sending care packages is a thoughtful and tangible way to show you're thinking about your child. These can include favorite snacks, books, games, or comfort items that remind them of home. You could also add personal touches, like handwritten notes or drawings.
A care package not only provides a sense of presence but also gives your child something physical to hold during times when they might miss you. It's like sending a piece of your love their way, wrapped in a box.
Other tips for successful long-distance co-parenting
- Maintain a good relationship with your co-parent. Divorce doesn't end the shared responsibility of raising a child. Maintaining open communication and honesty with your co-parent is paramount. Discuss your child's routines, achievements, challenges, and changes in behavior. It may feel uncomfortable, but this ultimately isn’t about the two of you: it’s about creating a united front and a nurturing environment for your child.
- Speak well of your co-parent in your child’s presence. Children are highly perceptive. Negative comments about their other parent can cause distress and confusion. Always speak respectfully of your co-parent when in your child's presence. Encourage your child's relationship with them. This not only helps maintain a positive environment but also sends a clear message to your child that both parents love and support them.
- Be flexible with your co-parenting schedule. Custody arrangements need not be rigid. Understand that situations may arise requiring flexibility. If it's in the best interest of your child, accommodate changes. This adaptability can ease potential stress and make the transition smoother for your child.
- Give your child space. It's essential to respect your child's space and feelings. Let them process the changes at their own pace. Encourage them to express their feelings, but don't push. Sometimes, they might need a bit of space. It's not a reflection of their love for you. Rather, it is a part of their adjustment process.
- Enhance your connection with shared activities. A shared activity can be a wonderful way to stay connected. You could both take virtual tours of museums, national parks, or even zoos and discuss your experiences afterward. Or, you could start a book or movie club with your child, reading the same book or watching the same movie and discussing it over a call. This provides common ground and can spark meaningful conversations, fostering a deeper connection.
- Don't monopolize your child's time. Respect for your co-parent's time is a cornerstone of a successful shared-custody arrangement. When your child is with the other parent, it's their turn to create memories, nurture bonds, and enjoy shared time. While your instinct might be to fill every moment with calls, texts, and video chats, remember that this could inadvertently encroach on the other parent's time.
We realize it’s a tall order: Dealing with the personal changes of divorce, finding creative ways to stay connected with your kids, and maintaining a positive or at least cordial relationship with your ex so your child can flourish. At Hello Divorce, we see you. That’s why we’re here. We realize that close to 50% of married individuals go through divorce, and we don’t think it should be any more stressful for you than it already is.
Hang in there. We’re here for you, and if you have questions, you are invited to schedule a free 15-minute call at any time. In the meantime, here are a few other resources that might pique your interest:
