How God Let Me Know It Was Time to End My Miserable Marriage

God Whispered and Set Me Free

 “You’re oppressed.” Those two words stopped me in my tracks four years ago, while walking down the hallway of the home I shared with my now ex-husband. The words were a calming whisper–a quiet hush that caused me to be very still. The voice behind the words was familiar and engaging. It resonated inwardly as the voice of the Holy Spirit. I initially questioned such an accusation. How am I oppressed?! I was thinking in terms of systemic oppression and poverty, or being under an oppressive dictator. None of that was resonating. As I looked closer at the word, one definition described oppression as being sad for a long time. Then it hit me! I became aware of how oppressive my marriage had been. Living in a miserable, unhealthy marriage for almost eleven years had weighed me down and taken a toll on me emotionally and psychologically.

I no longer felt like my vibrant, confident self. I felt alone. I felt deep sadness, hopelessness, and weariness. I felt like a prisoner, trapped in my marriage. I had been wrestling with the decision to divorce my husband for several months, but I was terrified by what that decision would mean. My parents divorced when I was eight, and there were several other divorces in my family. I didn’t want to repeat the same generational patterns. I wanted to make my family proud. And like many Christians, I felt shame and fear about considering divorce. I carried a heavy burden of worry that I would be failing as a Christian if I ended my marriage. The commonly spoken phrase “God hates divorce” felt like shackles on my body. I prayed many times that God would take me to Heaven while I slept.

Ironically, the words depicting an image of me in bondage were the very words that set me free! Standing in that hallway, I felt seen by God. God saw me in my pain and suffering–God hated seeing me sad! I knew God’s main mission is setting people free, not holding them captive (Luke 4:16-19). I had done everything I knew to save my marriage, and I didn’t have to die trying. God was inviting me out from underneath the heavy burden of my oppressive marriage and onto a path of healing and freedom.

Spiritual Companionship on the Path to Freedom

Part of my path to freedom was connecting with a spiritual director, also known as a spiritual companion. Spiritual directors are trained to listen deeply. A one-on-one spiritual direction session creates space to slow down, cultivating an attentiveness to listen, hear, and discern God’s voice. This three-way relationship between you, God, and a spiritual director brings deeper awareness. You begin to notice God’s activity in your life, which leads to greater self-discovery. After the spiritual encounter in my hallway, I needed the presence of a trained listener to help me trust my inner wisdom–trust that God speaks to me about me!

I’d already been seeing my therapist regularly, but weekly spiritual direction sessions reassured me that God was present with me in my emotional pain. I wanted to know that God cared about what I was experiencing. In my spiritual direction sessions, I shared honestly about my fears and doubts surrounding divorce. I also asked a lot of questions. Instead of giving me answers, my spiritual companion invited me to sit quietly with my curiosities and listen. (We sat in silence a lot!) The compassionate and non-judgmental presence of a spiritual companion helped me trust what I knew all along: God loves me and wasn’t asking me to stay in a marriage that was compromising my well-being. My marriage wasn’t more important than my life or purpose.

Finding Purpose Through Contemplative Spirituality

I filed for divorce in 2022, and it was finalized the same year. Hello Divorce’s services made the daunting divorce process feel manageable. A few weeks after filing for divorce, I felt inspired to enter a two-year seminary graduate program. I earned a master’s in spiritual formation and a certificate in spiritual direction. Because I know how disorienting it feels to experience such a life-changing (midlife!) event, I am passionate about walking alongside others who feel stuck like I did. Those who are navigating major life transitions while trying to rebuild. I also enjoy being a spiritual companion for those reconstructing their Christian faith or who are on a journey of spiritual and self-discovery.

Spirituality is meaningful and powerful during difficult and uncertain times. Spiritual direction offers stillness–space to breathe and listen. It’s a safe space to bring questions, share your longings, and find meaning and healing. Spiritual direction is not about fixing behaviors or diagnosing, nor is it a substitute for therapy. Spiritual direction invites you into deeper awareness, which I believe can be cultivated through honest soul-sharing in the presence of a caring spiritual companion and guide.

Spiritual direction saved my life! It restored my very essence as a beloved woman–loved deeply by God and many others. Wherever you are on your journey, I hope you’ll choose yourself daily by simply slowing down and being still. Create space to listen for what you need–what your soul needs. There is freedom in that.