Why Divorce Support Systems for Asian (AAPI) Communities Are Crucial

• AAPI divorce history
• Case studies: Impacts of stigma
• Role of support systems
• Where to find help
• Future of AAPI divorce
• References

Divorce is rarely just an individual decision—it carries cultural weight, especially for many Asian Americans. 

A 2024 report indicates that Asians in the U.S. have the lowest divorce rates among all racial groups, with Asian women experiencing the lowest rate across all age groups (BGSU). However, despite these low numbers, the stigma surrounding divorce in Asian cultures presents unique challenges. 

In many Asian and Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) cultures, divorce is stigmatized, leading individuals—especially women—to remain in unhappy marriages to avoid bringing perceived dishonor to their families. Traditional values often emphasize family unity and filial piety, discouraging actions that could disrupt familial harmony (Asian Parent Stories on Reddit).

Furthermore, cultural norms may discourage openly discussing marital issues, resulting in individuals staying in unhappy marriages due to fear of community judgment (Lan Quoc & Nguyen).

These cultural dynamics suggest that the lower divorce rates among AAPI may not solely reflect marital stability but also the influence of cultural stigma and societal pressures discouraging divorce.

AAPI divorce history

A complex interplay of cultural norms and legal frameworks has shaped divorce in AAPI communities. Historically, marriage in Asian cultures is seen as a binding family contract rather than simply a union between two individuals. This tradition emphasizes familial honor and societal expectations. As a result, divorce, to this day, often carries a deep stigma, preventing individuals from ending marriages, even ones in unhappy or unhealthy relationships.

In the U.S., early Asian immigrants faced significant legal barriers that affected marital stability. Restrictive immigration policies, such as the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 and the Immigration Act of 1924, limited family reunification, preventing many Asian immigrants from bringing spouses or establishing legal marriages. 

Anti-miscegenation laws, which prohibited interracial marriages in various states, further constrained martial choices and freedoms. These restrictions contributed to the formation of close-knit, homogenous communities, where traditions were reinforced by shared hardship. Over time, as Asian American communities expanded and civil rights advanced, these prohibitions were repealed making marriage and divorce became more accessible.

However, even as legal barriers diminished, marriage dynamics and cultural resistance to divorce persisted, reinforced by traditional values emphasizing family honor, duty, and sacrifice.

Case studies: Impacts of divorce stigma on AAPI communities

To better understand the personal impact of divorce stigma in AAPI communities, the Hello Divorce editorial team turned to Reddit, recognizing the platform's value for open, anonymous discussions. We posted a thread inviting individuals to share their experiences with divorce, particularly within Asian and AAPI cultural contexts. The responses we received provided a raw and unfiltered look into how stigma, mental health, and family expectations shape the divorce experience.

Two Redditors, u/a_d_d_h_i and u/Stressed_cookie0506*, responded to our post—one publicly and one via private messaging—sharing deeply personal experiences. Both addressed the role of cultural expectations during their legal process and emotional struggles. For them, divorce was a one-sided decision, driven either by feelings of personal failure or the belief that surrendering would bring quicker resolution. Their stories shed light on the immense psychological burden carried by many AAPI members navigating divorce.

*For the sake of clarity, u/a_d_d_h_i will be referred to as Addhi, and u/Stressed_cookie0506 will be referred to as Cookie.

For Addhi, a 38-year-old Taiwanese American, shame played a pivotal role in his downward spiral into alcoholism.

“The shame was one of the reasons why I became an alcoholic. I was drinking a lot at the end of our marriage,” he said. “That wasn't the person [my ex-wife] signed up to be married to.”

Though his divorce was amicable, the weight of failure and isolation loomed over him. Fortunately, he found solace in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), where he formed a support system that helped him heal.

Similarly, Cookie, a Chinese American in her early 30s, felt isolated despite her immediate family's support. While her parents stood by her, extended family and friends struggled to understand her ongoing grief. 

“I had a crisis and wondered how this would look for my parents,” she said. “My parents had regularly heard from their siblings how lucky they were to have me, so that pressure fell hard on me and made me feel like I would be a disappointment.” 

Being a non-rebellious only child, Cookie felt pressured to be a model child–her one rebellious act throughout her adolescent years was having a boyfriend in junior year.

Therapy, already a cultural taboo, became an essential part of Cookie’s healing process. However, as the months went by, even those who were closest to her could not understand why she was “still sad.”

Cookie explained, “Even though my parents have assured me they don't feel disappointed or anything, I still feel the burden of being the first of my cousins to be married and divorced in such a short time.”

Cookie also emphasized the difficulty of breaking the news to her parents and searching for guidance online.

“I know one thing I looked up was how to tell my Asian parents I was getting a divorce,” she said.

This highlights a crucial gap—many AAPI individuals facing divorce are actively seeking advice on how to approach their families about a topic that is rarely discussed openly. The fear of disappointing their parents, combined with cultural expectations of marriage as a lifelong commitment, makes these conversations incredibly difficult.

The role of support systems in AAPI divorce

Both Addhi and Cookie found that healing can come from non-traditional sources.  Because AAPI individuals often face cultural and societal pressures, traditional support networks, including family and community, may not always provide the guidance that is essential during such personal hardships. 

Cultural stigmas like fear of losing face and the emphasis on prioritizing family unity over individual well-being are factors that contribute to the aversion to seeking traditional assistance.

A 2024 study has shown that Korean immigrants encounter cultural barriers when seeking assistance for intimate partner violence (IPV). Deeply ingrained norms about maintaining family honor and resolving issues privately can deter individuals from reaching out for help, even when facing abusive situations (PMC).

Similarly, in South Asian communities, divorce is frequently viewed as a failure, leading to feelings of guilt and shame among individuals seeking separation. This stigma can result in social exclusion and reluctance to seek help from traditional sources. ​(Psychology Today).

Non-traditional avenues AAPI individuals experiencing divorce may find healing and support through include professional counseling services that offer culturally sensitive care, support groups with peers who have faced similar experiences, and online communities that provide anonymity and a sense of belonging. Such resources can offer understanding, reduce feelings of isolation, and empower individuals to navigate their divorce process in a manner that aligns with their cultural identity and personal needs.​

AA became a "found family" for Addi while online support groups and therapy provided an outlet for Cookie. Additionally, both are regularly active in the r/Divorce community on Reddit, expressing empathy and support for others undergoing the same hardships. Their experiences underscore the need for accessible, culturally competent mental health resources that acknowledge the struggles of navigating divorce as a member of the AAPI community.

“For me, I feel like in Asian culture, we are taught to focus on everyone as opposed to just ourselves and to follow the rules, so divorce could be seen as breaking that,” noted Cookie. 

Divorce, for many AAPI families, is still viewed as a betrayal of family, tradition, and expectations. But as these stories show, finding the right support can make all the difference.

Where to find help if you need AAPI divorce support

Seeking help beyond traditional support systems is not an indication of failure but rather a proactive step toward healing and personal growth. It's essential to recognize and address the challenges faced by AAPI individuals during divorce, ensuring they have access to diverse and supportive resources tailored to their cultural and personal contexts.

Several organizations offer specialized support when it comes to navigating divorce within AAPI communities:

• Asian Resource Hub: A national directory connecting AAPI individuals to in-language service providers and community organizations across the country. Browse resources tailored to your specific needs.
• Asian Mental Health Collective (AMHC): An NGO dedicated to increasing mental health awareness and providing resources for the Asian community, offering support, advocacy, and education to address mental health challenges within the AAPI population.
• Asian American Health Initiative: Provides culturally and linguistically appropriate healthcare services, including mental health support, to AAPI communities.​
• South Asian Therapists.org: An online resource that connects individuals with South Asian mental health professionals, offering culturally competent therapy and support for mental health challenges within the South Asian community.
• South Asian Network (SAN): Offers culturally specific support services, including counseling and legal assistance, to South Asian individuals and families.

The future of divorce in the AAPI community

As societal attitudes evolve and generations pass, the conversation around divorce in AAPI communities is gradually shifting. By fostering open dialogues, challenging cultural stigmas, and providing accessible support, we can help create an environment where individuals feel empowered to make decisions that best serve their well-being. Emphasizing mental health, community support, and legal accessibility will pave the way for healthier relationships and more supportive transitions for those facing divorce.

At Hello Divorce, we understand that divorce is more than just legal paperwork—it’s an emotional and cultural journey. Our goal is to provide guidance, support, and resources to help individuals navigate this difficult transition with dignity. No one should have to go through it alone. If you need help understanding your options, schedule a free call with one of our caring team members here.

Related blogs:

• Perspective: Indian Culture, Marriage and Divorce
• Guide to Arranged Marriage and Divorce
• 7 Ways to Love Yourself More
• Best Ways to Tell Family and Friends You're Getting Divorced
• International Divorce: How and Where to File
• The Top 3 Reasons Couples Seek Counseling
• What’s the Difference Between Single Parenting and Dual Parenting?
• Why Are Annulments So Hard to Get?

References

• National Center for Family & Marriage Research. “Marriage to Divorce Ratio in the U.S.: Geographic Variation, 2022.” Family Profiles, FP-25-06, Bowling Green State University, 2025.
• Nguyen, Hung. “What Divorce Means in an Asian American Community.” Viet Law Blog, April 3, 2018.
• Kim, Paul S., and Jenny C. Liu. “Understanding Divorce Trends and Mental Health Outcomes in Asian American Populations.” Journal of Cultural Psychiatry 18, no. 3 (2024): 205–217.
• Parekh, Monisha. “The Stigma of Divorce in South Asian Communities.” Psychology Today, August 30, 2022.
• “Asian Families Are More Successful Because They Have Stronger Family Units?” Reddit, r/AsianParentStories, November 28, 2023.